#em md

[laineystein]

It is deeply concerning to me that people are making jokes of and celebrating the death of the United Healthcare CEO. I worked in the trenches of American Healthcare for a majority of my medical career. I know how evil and twisted the system is. I know it’s beyond unfair and I’ve seen what happens when people are denied coverage - I know that impact on both patients and providers. But have we really stooped to the level of thinking that murdering someone in cold blood is going to solve the problem? Because it’s not. And what’s particularly interesting is watching so many Jews celebrate it. This glorification of violence, this virtue signaling, is merely a different brand of the Jew hate we’re seeing on college campuses; this attitude that forces people to abandon reason and follow the herd like sheep in the name of social justice. It doesn’t matter the cause — it’s radicalization. You’ve all been radicalized and you’re no different than the schmucks in their encampments thinking their hate speech is going to usher in world peace.

Get help. Do better.

[laineystein]

Anddddd today was my last day at the hospital (again)

A few weeks ago I got into a bit of a mess because we didn’t handle something properly and, in true me fashion, I wasn’t quiet about it. Israel is great. We are so technologically advanced. We are so far ahead of most countries when it comes to tech and medicine - except for in the ED. There’s reasons for this. It’s not willful ignorance. For so many years emergency medicine was not a medical specialty. It is a very new field in Israel and the state of our EDs is proof of that. And the care that we provide to patients suffers. There is so much that I can’t do because we are just not equipped and the way I was trained to handle things is not how my colleagues were and it creates problems. I just can’t do it anymore. It has broken my heart too many times. It’s a horrible feeling knowing you can’t help someone in the correct way because you don’t have the resources or capacity to do so. So I’m done for the foreseeable future. My work teaching outside the ED is so much more rewarding and I’m grateful that I’ll have more time to do it now BH.

[laineystein]

🚨 In lighter news, I’m back.

[laineystein]

(Prompted by your post about leaving for work.) Do you enjoy your work as a physician? I've been a nurse for 10 years but am desperately trying to change careers to something outside of healthcare. (Oh, how I'd love to have one of those jobs people were able to do from home on their couch in PJs during Covid. I think they just read spreadsheets all day or something.) I'm burned out. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of taking care of other people. But it makes me feel inferior to my healthcare colleagues because they're ~passionate~ about ~caring for people~ and I don't hold that same passion 😅

First I’ll say that even the people that love their jobs have bad days and doubts. That’s life. But this is a tough question.

Do I enjoy my work as a physician? Yes, mostly. I love emergency medicine and working in an ED. I am absolutely passionate about being able to help people during some of the worst moments of their lives. I’m proud of how hard I’ve worked to be where I am in my career. I love my unit and my hospital and my team. I’m phenomenal at my job and I couldn’t picture myself doing anything else. However, COVID completely changed my life. Something that I loved became something I hated. Things have definitely gotten better the more time passes but the pandemic gifted me with moderate PTSD and it can flare depending on various factors, which can make working in a hospital nearly unbearable sometimes. I think the great part of emergency medicine is that when things need to happen, you just do it. Anxiety and flashbacks and pain go out the window when you’re helping someone else. But sometimes after a code or after hours in the trauma bay, when everything is stable again, the situation hits me and it can be very triggering. I understand this isn’t everyone’s experience but for those of us who worked in healthcare during COVID, we are forever changed.

So yes, I’m also burned out and forever exhausted. And I know so many of my friends in healthcare feel the exact same way. I was supposed to be on a bit of a sabbatical then October 7th happened and now I’m back in the hospital for 24 hours/wk. But I am passionate about what I do even though it’s different now. I’m so passionate about what I do that my favorite part of my week is the remaining 20+ hours where I get to teach emergency medicine to students/soldiers that haven’t been disillusioned by a pandemic and the overall state of healthcare.

Please know that so many in the healthcare field are burned out and exhausted like us. It seems to be the norm. But it sounds like your malaise may be more than that, and that’s okay! I’m proud of you for recognizing that nursing may not be a great fit and I hope you find something that more aligns with what you’re looking for and ideally makes you happy. I know “starting over” can be tough so it might be advantageous to look into more clerical nursing jobs - case management, insurance review (in the US), recruiter. The change of pace/scenery might spark the passion that initially got you into nursing (it can be difficult to think clearly when you’re knee deep in the problem) or it might show that you need a complete change and I have faith that you’ll find it. All the love and best of luck! 🫶🏼

[laineystein]

Halfway through my first shift back at the hospital and it’s been…fine. I’ve only been in the trauma bay once so that’s a win.

Life is just so damn weird. Up is down. Black is white. I can’t explain it. Everything just feels off.

[laineystein]

I was working when the victims of tonight’s terror attack were brought in. This is now the second attack I’ve been present in the trauma bay for. I dealt with bullet and knife wounds daily in New York and it never affected me. Dealing with this shit in my city? I’m numb. I don’t even know what happened during the rest of my shift. I’m heartbroken. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. How much more madness do we endure? When does it end?!

[laineystein]

Off to put in my notice of resignation 🥸✌🏼

[laineystein]

Sometimes you have shifts in the ED where you just feel off and tonight was absolutely that shift for me. But toward the end a very drunk olah came in. She made Aliyah 2!!!! days ago. She (*wait for the most Tel Aviv thing ever*) sliced her foot open using her window to get out onto the roof of her apartment building. She was panicked and really struggling to communicate with my team about what she’d eaten/drank during the day and the medications she’s on. Like…she has no grasp of the Hebrew language. If she went to Hebrew school she slept through it. But the absolute joy and relief on her face when I was called over to talk with her…priceless. Kind of made the rest of my shitty shift seem insignificant. And now I am off for the rest of the week BH! I was supposed to leave two hours before this happened but things kept delaying that. Sometimes Hashem knows what you need!