Love seeing that you like The Old Guard!!! Any ff ideas or headcannons floating about?
I love The Old Guard so much! What did we do to deserve this movie??
I don’t know about fic (I’d love to write some someday but I’m not sure if I have the time right now) but here are a bunch of stupid assorted headcanons because TOG team now rule my heart:
- The longer Nile spends with the team, the more ridiculous the stories they tell her about their pasts become and Nile genuinely cannot tell if they’re messing with her or not. Andy will casually mention the time that she had an affair with both Cleopatra and Mark Antony and the rest of them will just nod along like that’s a totally normal thing to say. Joe will fondly reminisce about how he taught Leonardo da Vinci how to draw with a completely straight face. Someone will mention a specific time period and Nicky will just be like “Ah yes the 17th century, back when we were pirates. Joe made a very dashing Blackbeard” and he sounds so sincere that Nile genuinely believes him until she sees Joe laughing behind her.
- When Joe and Nicky tell the story of how they met, they make it sound like they were two immortals locked in one long epic battle that went on for days until suddenly their eyes met and they fell in love and it was all very dramatic and romantic. Whereas in actuality, they kept accidentally running into each other during multiple different battles and skirmishes over the course of months, locking eyes and yelling “YOU”, before hurling themselves across the battlefield to beat the shit out of each other. Andy and Quynh would watch them via dreams and place bets on who was going to win this time. Half the time they didn’t even manage to kill each other. They’d be in the middle of their epic duel while completely ignoring the battle around them and then one of them would accidentally get hit with a stray arrow and the other would have to grumpily wait until next time to defeat their Mortal Enemy (Who Is Also Uncomfortably Attractive) in single combat
- Andy is an absolute nightmare now that she’s mortal because she refuses to change in any way to compensate for it. She’s led the charge into battle without armour for thousands of years and she isn’t going to stop now. Meanwhile, the others spend most of their time chasing after her yelling at her to “put some body armour on Andy I swear to god…” If they weren’t immortal they all would have died from stress induced heart attacks a long time ago
- The first thing Nile buys as an immortal is a t-shirt that says ‘Live fast, die young’. She thinks it’s hilarious
- The team keep a scoreboard of who has died in the stupidest/funniest/most ridiculous ways. The current winner is a tie between Andy (who took Booker up on a dare to see how many bottles of vodka she could drink in one go) and Nicky (who go distracted when Joe took his shirt off one day and accidentally walked off a cliff)
- Andy is the original bisexual and has left a trail of broken hearts throughout history. She’s so iconic that she was Sappho’s gay awakening. You know the famous poem “Sweet mother, I cannot weave – slender Aphrodite has overcome me with longing for a girl”? Yeah, that was about Andy
- On a similar note, the famous Shakespeare sonnet 18 “Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?” originally came from Joe drunkenly flirting with Nicky in a tavern while Shakespeare quietly took notes in the corner
- The team tend to switch between multiple languages during conversations and so Nile starts to pick up on them fast. After a few months she thinks she at least has a reasonable grasp on the basics. Until she tries to speak to a native speaker, who just stares at her in horror and informs her that she’s not speaking modern Italian, she speaking a horrible mess of modern slang, old-fashioned formal speech and words and phrases that haven’t been used in possibly hundreds of years
- The team watch historical documentaries for entertainment like most people watch bad films. They ruthlessly mock everything while laughing and throwing popcorn at the screen. Sometimes they play a drinking game where they have to take a shot every time there’s a historical inaccuracy. The first time Nile plays it she’s pretty sure she almost died of alcohol poisoning
