#emma gardner

[build-a-problem-musical]

Thinking about how Celeste knows that if she shrieks enough and flops enough and wails enough and whines enough, Emma will capitulate to whatever she wants. She tries not to do it when Emma can’t reasonably give her what she wants, but it’s so often intertwined with something she needs that she panics and lashes out in terror if Emma somehow can’t let her have it.

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Adopted Emma Gardner! falls over and sobs

Try not to think about Elaine wondering how she and James are supposed to celebrate Emma’s adoption without seeming insincere or trying too hard to compensate or make her sweep their failings under the rug. (Worse yet in the Stars Restitched timeline.) This could go one of two ways: either Emma overcomplies with the celebration or has a meltdown and knocks over the pastry table. I kind of want her to knock over the pastry table just because that’s going to make her feel so much worse.

[build-a-problem-musical]

Emma moans in front of Celeste in a voice so soft it's almost matter-of-fact and at peace: "You don't love me the same." Her body betrays her; she rolls from side to side like she can't bear the certainty inside of her.

[tobyflollops]

@build-a-problem-musical

Thinking about the importantance of calendars.

Thinking of Celeste’s parents not having her birthday marked on theirs, but Elaine and James having it marked on their own.

Thinking of the Starless Sky timeline where they turn the calendar and see Emma’s birthday preemptively written.

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Anyway, thinking of freed 1 who is triggered by her own waves of intense crying because it’s like being Qbit all over again.

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Poor 1. “It forced itself inside me and I’ve never known freedom since. It threw me on the floor and made me scream and thrash and cry. It was so strong that I couldn’t fight back. It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me, I know that, but then why was it through all of me like that? I couldn’t do anything when it used my voice. I can still see her eyes. They were so terrified. It used to draw itself back from me sometimes and I would be stupid enough to try to say something kind and get down on my hands and knees and apologize. It pushed itself back in every time. I learned to give it nothing. I would stand still and cry about everything I wasn’t doing to undo it.”

[build-a-problem-musical]

Always thinking about how Celeste’s explosions are longer and louder if she has Emma watching…her reactions get bigger not out of malice, but simply to make sure she is seen. Emma gives her that but can never calm her down, just wait it out. I am now picturing Emma with her arms wrapped around the waist of a struggling Celeste who’s trying to fight her way out and put another hole in her wall. Being the larger one, Celeste probably has a relatively easy time of freeing herself.

[build-a-problem-musical]

Stars Restitched Emma cries into her parents’ laps often. There are so many mixed feelings all around. Emma has always adored Elaine but has been greatly disappointed as of late with how she left her behind and swept the feelings accompanying this change under the rug. She’s terrified she trapped her mother in a marriage she didn’t want because of her condition and that if that’s the case, what she claims is impulsivity had a subconscious manipulative aspect to it. She feels a bit more comfortable with James because he didn’t pretend nothing was changing, but he also hasn’t been able to tend to her because of how hurt he’s been. Elaine and James would love to fix this for her but recognize that the weight of their action or the lack thereof has landed her here, and they can’t even hold her as tightly as she always used to love without setting off her tactile defensiveness and reminding her that there is something wrong with her.