#emmieb

[lemonsqueezey]

I thought I was smart enough, practical enough, to separate what Joaquin said I was from what I knew I was. The way I saw it, I was fully capable of being treated with indifference that bordered on disdain while maintaining a strong sense of self-respect. I obeyed his commands, sure that I could fulfill this role while still protecting the sacred place inside of me that I knew I deserved more. Different. Better. But that isn’t how it works. When someone shows you how little you mean to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself. You are not made of compartments. You are one whole person. What gets said to you gets said to all of you. Ditto what gets done. Being treated like shit is not an amusing game or a transgressive intellectual experiment. It’s something you accept, condone, and learn to believe you deserve. This is so simple. But I tried so hard to make it complicated.

Lena Dunham, Not That Kind of Girl

[lemonsqueezey]

Time travel into the night - stare straight at the sun; lose your sight.

[lemonsqueezey]

Your love left me defeated, but its tragedy was paired with an unconventional beauty.

[lemonsqueezey]

Here is a playlist I put together for when you’re missing someone or somewhere, or just generally feeling a bit down. 

1. November (feat. Lisa Mitchell) - SUPER CRUEL

2. Settle - Vera Blue

3. Green Light - Lorde

4. Heartlines - Broods

5. Blood in the Cut - K. Fay

6. Adore - Amy Shark

7. Floating - Saatsuma

8. My Love is Gone - SAFIA

9.  Gemini Feed - Banks

10. Talk Baby Talk - Emma Louise

11. Since I Left You - The Avalanches 

12. Stay High (Habits Remix) - Tove Lo and Hippie Sabotage

13. Easier - Mansionair

14. Clair De Lune - Flight Facilities and Christine Hoberg

15. Hold On (feat. Sampha) - SBTRKT

[lemonsqueezey]

These months seem to inch by so slowly and I can hardly wait for November to arrive. I have grown up here, between the mountains and the ocean, but it hasn’t felt like home for a little while. I crave something bigger and better than this. I crave greater ambitions and clarity and contentment - and I simply cannot get any of that here anymore. I am young and I am human but I am not as in control as I think I am.

[lemonsqueezey]

New Years Resolutions

Find faith, the belief in something intangible and the willingness to trust with your eyes closed and fingers crossed.

Bury yourself in words, both written and spoken.

Make time for important people. Now, not later.

Be brave and be kind. Say what you need to say.

Take more risks. Remember that vulnerable is beautiful.

Drink more tea.

Spend quiet moments in thought.

Converse with strangers.

Collect stories from those both near and far, loved and familiar.

Keep occupied. Find a side hustle.

Allow yourself to fall into things. Don’t worry about being caught.

Give more fucks. Care undeniably about things.

[lemonsqueezey]

And to think you would get me to the altar Like I'd follow you around like a dog that needs water But admit it that you wanted me smaller If you would have let me grow You could have kept my love

Banks

[lemonsqueezey]

Drifting deeper pretty dreamer