Coming back to Denver after the few days spent in Florida, Kaleb was ready to get all the needed rest and finally relax. His mind was at ease now and although he felt somewhat better he knew it wouldn’t all be better in just a few days. It would still take time but at least the guilt and everything that weighed him down was now lifted. He was giving himself forgiveness and soon enough he can go to all the people he did wrong and start making amends. However the first thing he had to do when he got back was go to his apartment and spend quality time with his lovable dog, Rocket.
When he opened the door, he not only saw Rocket but Emory on the couch as well. Kaleb set his bag off to the side while kicking his shoes off where the rest of the shoes were. “Hey” He spoke softly as he shuffled over to the couch where his friend and dog sat. Sitting on the other side of Emory. The welcoming part of it all was Emory’s smile to him. Kaleb had been butting heads with a lot of people, he had been irritable and really snapping with such attitude. But surprising enough, Emory seemed to be one of the few people that kept Kaleb slightly grounded, just his presence made Kaleb feel at ease. The fun banter back and forth, and most of all. Emory didn’t bug him with millions of questions like others did.
“You know I’m still taking Rocket on my runs. Just saying” Emory spoke with a healthy laugh, one that encouraged Kaleb to laugh as well.
“Well maybe I can run with you and Rocket?” He suggested to his friend as he leaned back against the couch. His head turning over slightly to Emory.
In which Emory leaned back as well, turning his head to match Kaleb’s gaze. “I don’t know, it’s normally just Rocket’s and my time, you know when Nev doesn’t try and spend all day with him.” Emory teased some more as he brought a hand to Kaleb’s knee. “How was Florida?” He asked.
“Oh yea? I bet Rocket beats you in those runs and surely I could too” Kaleb joked back before the question led to Florida and how things were. His gaze turned down to look at Emory’s hand on his thigh and then back to him.
Only for Emory to speak up once more. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. Whatever it is though, I’m here for you”
Kaleb soon traveled his hand down to lay on top of Emory’s. Playing with the man’s fingers as his own soon laced between them. Kaleb had held everything in him and he didn’t like to let it all out, but with Emory, he could feel a level of trust, of care, and a true friendship. “I know you are, you are always there for me and I’m here for you.” Kaleb stated to the man. “Florida was good though. I finally let go of my past and saw her grave”
Kaleb’s first statement was one to led him feeling better. To slowly talk about it and not have an overwhelming amount of guilt over it all. For the next hour or so, instead of what Emory and Kaleb normally liked to do, they talked. Kaleb talked and opened up to his friend, laughing and finally feeling himself again.
NOTES → Kaleb goes over to Emory’s after getting tested that day for food and a movie.
Emory had completed all of his chores for the day. He had nothing planned for the afternoon, and wasn't in the mood to turn in. He knew didn't have to be back at the base until later the next day, and he wasn't in the mood to chance trying to sleep only to wake up screaming. Then proceed to try and drown out his dreams with drinking. Emory walked over to his kitchen counter and picked up his phone. He opened his messages and sent a text to the last person he'd spoken to "You doing anything tonight?" he wrote.
Kaleb had finally settled in his apartment, getting ready to relax and just watch some television or more so listen while he was playing on his 3DS. It was emotionally draining all day. From being nervous on taking the test, to taking Jaron to his appointment then having to explain to Simone. He just wanted to relax at this point. His phone buzzed while playing Pokemon, he hit pause on the game as he saw the message from Emory. Smiling immediately. "No, I'm not. What's up?" He replied back
Emory didn't have to wait long for a reply. One that worked in his favor. "Thought you might want to do something together? Go out? Stay in?" he typed out. Emory had no preference for what they did, since he found he enjoyed Kaleb's company either way.
Kaleb read the following text once it came in and the thought of hanging together was great but he didn't want to go out at all. "Lets stay in, I can bring over a movie this time. Since The Proposal didn't work out. You like Dane Cook?" Kaleb replied as he was already shutting down his DS and then getting up to grab the movie he had in mind. He enjoyed his time with Emory, very much so. But then the thought of the events today rang in his ears. He would have to tell Emory what his day was like and also worry on the male's health as well.
Emory saw the typing bubble pop up on his screen and waited for the rely to come through. His phone chimed in his hand, as the text appeared on his screen. Emory was perfectly fine with staying in. "Sure, we can," he quickly replied. Emory tried to think who Dane Cook was, but chose to go with his brains first instinct. "Would you judge me if I said no?" He made his way over towards his fridge.
Kaleb didn't want to change from his sweatpants or his Star Wars Christmas sweater so he slipped on some shoes and made way with the movie in hand. Going to the elevator and taking the ride up to Emory's floor. "Slightly haha" he replied only to add in another little text after that. "I mean, he's not the best but he had a good rom com in his prime time"
Emory was standing in front of his open fridge. He contemplated whether or not he should put on a shirt as the cool air from the fridge had the hair on his chest slightly standing. However, he knew Kaleb had already seen him naked and he was plenty comfortable in just sweats. Emory went back to trying to decide what he wanted to eat when he received another text. He was getting ready to reply when another followed. "I honestly don't know many of their names. I just watch them. It's sort of an army thing." He reached in the fridge and pulled out a few things. Placing them on the counter. "Have you eaten?"
Kaleb hated how slow the elevator was taking. But going from the first to the fourteenth floor was a bit of a stretch. Seeing the box for Emory's text pop up on his phone again, he nodded to himself. "What is an Army thing? Going shirtless all the time?" Kaleb typed out the reply with his teeth sinking into his bottom lip. From the follow up one, he was about to add in his next one when the ding of the elevator alarmed him he had made it. Soon the doors opened and he stepped out. Walking over to Emory's door and instead of knocking just texting "I haven't eaten all day. Now open the door" Sending it with that wide smile emoji attached to it.
Emory had put a few slices of bread in his toaster and was cutting into and avocado, when his phone chimed again. He picked up the phone and laughed. He didn't think he had a habit of going shirtless, but maybe he did or maybe it was Kaleb's wishful thinking. Either way he was getting a shirtless Emory. Before he could respond he received another text demanding he open the door. Emory walked over to the door and opened it wide for Kaleb to walk in. "You forgot to say please," he teased, "But I'll forgive you. Oh and don't mistake my lack of a shirt as an answer to your question. I meant romcoms are an army thing."
Kaleb waited for the door to open, only to be greeted by Emory who ironically wasn't a shirt. But that was totally fine with Kaleb. He had seen much more of the man before and he didn't mind looking at all. Pulling his lip in a pout, he then said "Please?" only to laugh lightly as he stepped into Emory's apartment. Soon taking off his shoes and leaving them near the door. "U-huh. So you not having a shirt on is just a coincidence?" Kaleb seemed to question further but shrugged at it as he showed the movie. Employee of the Month. "But that's interesting, they play romcoms for the army. Is it to balance out all that goes on around you or just they just show off whatever movies they have?" He asked, really interested in what goes on for Emory and his life.
Emory smiled back at Kaleb as he closed the door. "It would seem so," he replied to Kaleb's question on his lack of clothing. Emory took a look at the movie and did not recognize it. He shrugged his shoulders as he made his way back over to the kitchen. Emory popped a slice of smoked salmon in his mouth before speaking. "The army doesn't show them. I mean they do have plenty of movies we can rent depending on what base you're at, but most of the guys tend to choose or request them. I'd suppose the former. Really most guys like it because it requires no thinking at all when we're off duty." Emory slide the bowl of pecans he poured out over towards Kaleb.
Kaleb would classify the movie as a rom com, it definitely had the comedy down with Dane Cook as a star, but it also had it's cheesy romance in the end and for Kaleb to like it. It had to be good. Seeing as Emory slid the bowl of pecans to him, he took a couple in hand and started eating one by one. "Got it, so it's more to just get lost in the movie and not think." He nodded to Emory. Chewing slowly on the pecan as he watched the man make the food. "I bet you get this a lot, but thank you. For serving our country and being ten times braver than us that stick around here."
Emory took the now toasted pieces of bread out of the toaster and placed them on a cutting board. He lightly drizzled olive oil on eat piece. "Exactly." He placed several slices of smoked salmon on each piece of toast followed by the avocado he cut. "You would be correct, especially when I'm in uniform. I'd normally say you're welcome, but you're my friend." Emory looked at Kaleb directly. "You never need to thank me. I joined for selfish reasons, and stayed for selfish reasons. The first of those being my twin." He reached looked back down and placed pecans from the bag on top along with feta cheese. "I'm no braver than the next guy."
Kaleb's eyes went from the food to Emory's face as he heard him say he didn't need to thank him. It was puzzling for Kaleb but he was still going to thank him. "Whatever reasons you did it for, you still went in, readying yourself for all the worst possibly scenarios. I think that is really brave" Kaleb told Emory with a soft smile to match up his tone. "You have a twin? One of you is already a handful. But two?" He chuckled as he questioned Emory
Emory dropped the part of the conversation involving him joining the army by not responding to it. "If you're still hungry. I have Digiorno in the freezer." He slid a plate with what he'd just prepared over towards Kaleb. "Not that kind of twin. We're fraternal. He looks more like our elder brother in my opinion. And neither one of them like guys, so yeah."
Kaleb watched the plate slide and held his hand to catch it. Soon to pick up the toast and take a bite out of it. Finishing it before speaking. "Oh no, this is good. Thank you though." He replied politely to Emory. "Ah, gotcha." Nodding his head. "My older brother is not into guys either. At least I don't think. I haven't seen him in years and as for my sister I don't know who she finds attractive. I would say I'm the only gay one out of the family" Kaleb joked about himself
Emory leaned against the counter and took to eating his plate as he listened. "You're not close with your family?" he asked curiously.
Kaleb reached for a napkin as he heard the question. "Well I'm close with my siblings. My sister lives in the building but after getting out of high school we kind of drifted apart." Kaleb explained as he cleared his throat. Family was always a tough subject to talk about
Emory nodded his head. "Who's your sister?" He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a decanter. "Want anything?" he pointed to the number of drinks he had inside. "You don't have to talk about your family if you don't want to." He poured himself a water and what Kaleb requested then walked back over to the counter. " I'm close to my family, and sometimes I don't like talking about them. And I know not everyone is the same..."
Kaleb smiled just thinking of his sister. "Her name is Julianne. She's been out doing some modeling. She does it to get money for college at the moment, she's going for her nursing degree" Kaleb looked over to Emory as he went to the fridge. Kaleb soon answered the question. "Water is fine." Nodding as he continued to eat. "I love my siblings and lets just say, we've been through some rough times. New York maybe my hometown, but Denver feels more like home" Kaleb shrugged off the topic of family. "Where are you from?"
Emory placed Kaleb's water in front of him. Emory smiled as he listened to Kaleb speak of his sister. He drank from his own before answering. "A small town in Tennessee called Centerville."
Kaleb took the water with a polite smile. Drinking a little as he listened to where he was from. "Centerville? It wouldn't happen to be in the center of Tennessee would it?" He then made a funny face as the temptation of saying a bad pick up line was there. "You know.. you're the only TEN I see!" Kaleb chuckled
Emory placed his head down on the counter. The fact his body shook was the only indicator that gave away that he was laughing. He look up at Kaleb with s stupid smile. "Shut up," he joked. "Where did you get your sense of humor?"
Kaleb had to put his food back on the plate before he tried taking another bite. He was in fits of laughter himself and seeing he got a laugh out of Emory only made his smile grow more. "Would you believe me if I said from memes? And also googling bad pick up lines?" He said as he chuckled. "You like them though! Right? I mean I know they are bad, but they could work? I know I'm terrible at flirting, but it's my way of being me.."
Emory nodded his head. "I would believe you." He finished the remaining bit of his food. Looking up directly into Kaleb's eyes, "I like you just the way you are Kaleb. Seriously. Your jokes and all. I'd hate if it you ever tried to be anyone but yourself."
Kaleb went back to his food so he could finish it and as he did, he covered the plate with the napkin he used. Soon making eye contact with those sweet gray orbs. Leaning in, his smile was soft as he responded to Emory. "That means a lot to hear. For a while I thought I had to perfect because I was uncomfortable in my own skin."
Emory listened to Kaleb's response. He couldn't relate to the other man's sentiment entirely, having never not been comfortable in his own skin. Confidence was something he'd always had, something his parents instilled in him. However, his mind as of late wasn't in the best of places, which made him uncomfortable sometimes with his own thoughts. He ran a hand through his hair, thinking his words through carefully. "Perfection is unattainable when held to someone else's standards, but perfection also has a malleable definition if you forget the outside world and only focus on what works for you. I mean there's only on person's thoughts we have to live with our whole lives, and that's our own," Emory shrugged his shoulders, then smirked at his thought that followed. "I hope you're not uncomfortable in you skin now, because I happen to like it."
Kaleb couldn't help but think over what mistakes he's made, what he has done and seeming to be this bad person in his head all because he wanted to be perfect. How he felt when he first came out and was discovering this new side of his sexuality was game changing but now he was okay with everything. He was happy being himself and when hearing Emory paraphrase about the definition of perfection, it struck to his heart. Nodding to Emory with that smile still attached. "Well normally I focus on everyone's thoughts but my own, but you're right. Perfection is unattainable. I'm more comfortable now then I was before. I think I have you to thank for that."
Emory quirked a brow at the man. "Me? Why's that?"
Kaleb bit his bottom lip. “Well not just you, there have been other guys I’ve been with. However now I don’t feel like I have to be the best gay guy out there. Or be great at dating, know the history of musicals, Broadway, and know about all the struggles with being gay.” He clarified, even explained a little how his journey was in Kaleb’s mind. “I can still be my dorky, pun loving self and just be with someone I like. Have someone I can talk to, which I would say you’re a great friend.” Kaleb smiled awkwardly. “And very good in bed too”
Emory nodded his head as he listened to Kaleb. He smiled when the man said he'd considered him a great friend, followed by a chortle when he comment on his skills in bed. "Well if we are talking about stereotypical gay guys, I fail completely. My idea of a good time shooting, drinking, killing animals, and hiking. Not to mention sex. In fact, I actually never came out to my family. My twin was the one who blurted out at the kitchen table, when my mom was talking about who I should take to an event, that I liked guys. To which my dad turned to my brother with the most dead-ass serious face and said in the heaviest Scottish accent, 'We already know. Now shut up and eat your food, cause no one was talking to you.'"Emory tried to imitate his dad's voice and hand gestures. He had a smile on his face. "I don't think my brother realized then that for me I didn't care what was under the skirt, or in that case kilt, just the person. My parents though they didn't care as long as we were happy and doing right." Emory looked Kaleb in the eye and smiled. "I'm happy you've gotten a better hold of what it means to be you, and that I could help in any way. Just know I'm still happy to help even if its under the covers." He winked.
Kaleb stood straight and moved to take his plate and Emory's to the kitchen sink. Just so he could be doing something and also move closer to the man. Now on the same side of the kitchen counter, Kaleb listened to Emory relive his moment of 'coming out' which made Kaleb laugh lightly. Crossing his arms as he leaned against the counter, his eyes met with Emory's once again. "You are so lucky to have great parents" Kaleb had muttered out accidentally. He normally kept his thoughts to himself and when it came to family and parents, he didn't have that. He didn't have a supporting mother and he didn't know his father. None of the siblings knew their fathers. "Someone had hinted to my sister that I was seeing this guy. He lives in the building, but-um I was seeing him and I was so nervous telling her and all she said was as long as you are happy, I'm happy for you. I have yet to tell my brother. He lives in South Caroline." Seeing the wink, Kaleb nudged Emory playfully. "I'm all for the help under the covers" Winking back as he rubbed his bottom lip. "But.. not tonight or at least a couple of days from now."
Emory was about to ask what Kaleb meant by him being lucky regarding his parents. However the man continued with what he was saying. Not want to be rude Emory kept his mouth shut, but put the thought filed away in his brain for later. He listened to the male describe his coming out. Though he wasn't happy it wasn't under Kaleb's terms, he was happy to know that his sister took it well and could only hope his brother would do the same. Emory shifted his weight as he leaned against the counter to better face where Kaleb has moved. His head cocked to the side when Kaleb informed him there wouldn't be the possibility of the two men getting intimate in the near future. "Is there a reason I'm being put on sex time out?" he asked as he wondered if he had missed something. "I mean I'm perfectly fine with you not wanting to, but did I do something wrong?"
Kaleb had slightly dropped his jaw when Emory questioned the not having sex part. "Oh no no no, you didn't do anything wrong. You are great, no matter what, some of the best sex I've had. What I should say is um..." Kaleb rambled off before he could even get to the point. "You didn't do anything wrong it's me. And before I start talking about anything else, you get checked right? Like you get tested and cleared? From any STD's. If not you probably... well not probably but I would definitely suggest you do." Kaleb mentioned as he scratched the back of his head nervously.
Emory's brows furrowed more at Kaleb's rambling. He couldn't even acknowledge the compliment to his skills in bed because he was far more focused on what had the other man going on in such and anxious manner. "I get tested every three months. I'm not one for surprises or not knowing, not to mention my health is a job requirement. Not to mention, I always use a condom. Why?" Emory still had a perplexed look on his face.
Kaleb always got nervous and when he did, he would fidget with his hands. Ramble off and try to stir away from the problem but this was a big issue. Health and the idea of what the results were from the tests scared him. It scared him to think that he was harming other people. "Right, well that's good but maybe get checked again? like now maybe? Or when was the last time you got tested? I'm just saying because I mean, well a while back I may have been unprotected and I've never been tested. But I went this morning with a friend and I don't get the results until another three days so I'm just worried for your well being."
Emory closed the gap between him and Kaleb by taking a few steps closer to the man. He reached out and grabbed his hands, and just held them in his own in a calming manner. "Kaleb," his voice was calm and collected as he said the word. He paused making sure he had the other man's attention before continuing, "I'm happy you decided to get tested. Its a good practice to have. But what's got you so worried? You sound scared."
Kaleb inhaled slowly to try and calm himself. Bowing his head so he wouldn't look at Emory at first. Feeling him take Kaleb's hands in, he soon looked back to Emory, his eyes locked in with his. "I am scared. It's like first time nerves." he spoke softly shaking his head. "But I'm also worried that if something does come back on me. That I may have ruined someone else's health. I would hate myself if you or anyone else got something because I was stupid. I would feel really terrible." He would definitely feel terrible and the guilt of that would do nothing but eat at Kaleb even more. No matter what, he would think of other's well being over his own any day and he knew that was his flaw.
Emory gave him a reassuring smile. "Hey, hey. It's going to be fine. You're going to be fine. I doubt you have anything, but if you do it'll be curable or treatable. And I'l be here for you either way. You're fine Kaleb. And if I've got something, well I'm to blame for that not you. I could have asked you if you're clean before we slept together. But I'm sure you're overreacting. It's easy to freak out about these things."
Kaleb's gaze went to Emory's smile, his own lips turning into a smile from the reassuring words. "You will?" He asked as he squeezed Emory's hand. Hearing he would be there for Kaleb even with how the outcome was meant a lot to him. "I would still blame me though, I mean I didn't even get tested until now and I slept with that guy like four months ago" Thinking back to at the party with Jaron when they had hooked up. "This is me being calm compared to when I was talking to Spencer about her getting tested. Trust me." He said with a soft chuckle.
"Of course. You're my friend. I've got your six," he confirmed. Emory listened to how'd he'd still blame himself along with the comment about speaking with Spencer. He shrugged his shoulders. "We're all entitled to our moments." Emory let go of Kaleb hand giving him a pat on the shoulder. "You told Spencer? How'd she take it? Is there anything else I need to know that sparked this sudden interest in getting tested?"
Kaleb felt like he could breathe normally again. All the nerves were settling down and he felt better now. "Yea well I did sleep with Spencer too so I wanted to make sure she was okay. She's clean by the way" He laughed as he responded to Emory's question. "Well it wasn't really interest. I was told by another friend that the guy I was with four months ago didn't wear condoms. Like at all. And he was my first time with a guy."
Emory nodded his head. "That's reckless. And irresponsible. I'm sorry your first didn't put more care in with you. You deserve it."
"Well no I wouldn't say he didn't put care in me. In fact it's quite the opposite, he ended up catching feelings for me and I was catching feelings for someone else. But I didn't do anything with the other person, so that caused a fight between me and the guy I slept with. Then we ended up hooking up at the White Hotels during a party" Talking about the whole situation with what happened with Jaron seemed like something off a soap opera. How did he even manage to get through that he wasn't sure? "But the next day after we hooked up, the guy packed his stuff and moved out. Because of me, which made me feel super guilty. So during that time of feeling guilty I was still trying to find myself and then I ended up messing around with people, seeing people. But he's back now and sure it was awkward at first but I'm just hoping our friendship can still be there" Kaleb spoke finally taking a breathe out of all that he just said. "In shorter terms, I probably should say, it's complicated but I've moved on.”
Emory blinked at Kaleb's lengthy reply. It took a moment for him to react. "I just meant in the fact that he wasn't responsible with you sexually. But um.... ok." Emory wasn't sure how else to respond to that monologue.
Kaleb could feel his face get red from what all he said and probably making it awkward now. Though most of the time, it was just Kaleb making himself feel awkward. "Oh right yea.. um yea. Let's just ignore I said all of that. How about that movie?"
Emory started to snicker, which eventually turned into a full out laugh. He wiped the few tears that had formed in his eyes. "Yeah, let's watch a movie."
Olivia rubbed the deodorant on and spritzed a small bit of perfume on her wrists. fluffing her hair she was ready to go. Olivia was supposed to be attending an event for a clothing line today. However she hadn’t really wanted to go. Convincing herself that her job was worth it she had gotten out of bed and gotten dressed. “What?” She called out as she heard Emory in the other room. Having stayed the night he was probably still in bed as he didn’t have anything to do that day. He hadn’t been any help in her getting up as he had tried to convince her to stay in.
Putting in her earrings she had her shoes wedged between her arm and her side as she exited the bathroom making her way to the bedroom so she could put her shoes on and go. When she walked in she saw Emory standing there no shirt on arms behind his head a sly smile on his face. “Em.” She said with a sigh. “Come on that’s not fair you know I need to go don’t do this to me.” She spoke with a pout. “I gotta go.I need to go your seductive ways are not working on me I’m leaving.” She said as she put her shoes on quickly walking towards the door. “I’ll be back in an hour and a half if you decide to leave then have a good day if not I’ll see you later.”
