Aethelflaed watched her daughter, Aelfwynn as she ran around the estate laughing. She smiled as Uhtred's men, Finan and Osferth, chased her. Aelfwynn's blond hair, so much like his, blew in the wind behind her. Aethelflaed closed her eyes and could hear his voice as if he stood beside her.
“You are a beauty, lady, you deserve to be loved and held,” Erik whispered to her as he lowered her to the ground by the lake. “You deserve a soft bed and a gentle touch.”
Aethelflaed looked into his blue eyes. “I will settle for a gentle touch and to truly feel desired and seen,” she answered as she felt his hands run up her dirty dress.
“I desire you, princess, and I see you,” Erik whispered. “You are so beautiful,” he kissed her again deeply.
She ran her hands down to his trousers and undid the ties, her hands shaking. Her experience in the matters of sex had come from her husband and he had used her over and over without a care for her feelings or her pain. Erik was different, so far, but Aethelflaed was still not sure if she would like bedding him anymore than she had her husband.
She moaned as Erik's fingers slid to her cunt and began to play with her folds. She bit her lower lip to stop from being so loud. Erik's fingers slid inside of her, stroking her as his thumb pressed up higher on a sweet spot it would seem that made Aethelflaed's legs tingle and the breath leave her lungs. Erik smiled and chuckled.
“I will show you how it should be between a husband and wife, how pleasurable the act can be,” he promised.
By the feel of his experienced fingers, Aethelflaed believed him.
For the first time, she enjoyed a man humping her.
“Where were you just now?” Uhtred's voice broke into her memories.
She startled and turned to look at him. He gave her a soft smile and she returned it. She looked away from him as she heard Aelfwynn laughing. She smiled as she saw Finan carrying her daughter over his shoulder as Osferth chased them. Sihtric was standing a ways away shaking his head as he gathered their things.
“I was in the past,” she whispered softly remembering Erik's laughter and how much Aelfwynn's reminded her of him.
She felt Uhtred place a hand on her lower back. He stepped closer to her. She was reminded that he too had lost his love, Gisela, just months before. His loss much fresher but no doubt just as painful as Aethelflaed's was.
It was probably why he had come back to her estate after the latest battle. He did not wish to go back to Coccham where his wife was not waiting for him. And it was also why she had allowed him into her bed. He needed the comfort and she perhaps did as well.
“The past?” Uhtred asked. She glanced at him and saw him watching Aelfwynn as well. “I believe I don't have to ask which memories of the past you were reliving.”
Aethelflaed turned away from Uhtred. “There are moments, in the middle of the night, when I ache for him, for what could have been, what should have been. And the pain,” she paused, “I regret it. I regret ever going with Aethelred to Lundun, I regret falling for Erik. I regret it all,” she admitted.
She felt Uhtred pull her closer to him. He kissed her temple. “You may regret it, but your time with Erik gave you a beautiful daughter,” he said.
Aethelflaed closed her eyes. “It did but the memories of those days,” she reached up and wiped her tears away, “they are like knives at times. I think of them and they cut me wide open all over again to the pain.”
Aelfwynn's laughter pulled her back away from the pain. She turned and laughed as Finan fell to the ground dramatically as Aelfwynn tackled him. Osferth stood beside them laughing as Finan played dead. Sihtric walked over as well laughing. Aethelflaed closed her eyes and felt Uhtred wrap his arm around her waist and pull her closer.
“Memories can feel like weapons,” he whispered. “They come and they cut us open anew reminding us of the happiness and love we have been robbed of; that has been ripped away.”
Aethelflaed nodded. She opened her eyes and looked at her daughter, Erik's daughter. “The wound of losing him has never closed. There are times where I dream of him and I wake hearing his ghost demand when I have erased him from Aelfwynn's life. I know she deserves to know the truth but I cannot,” Aethelflaed stopped.
“You cannot tell her or anyone, Aethelflaed,” he said softly. “To the outside world, Aelfwynn must remain Aethelred's.”
Aethelflaed nodded. “I know. I just wish it would have been different. That he would have lived.”
She felt Uhtred hold her closer. “I know that feeling. I know the ache of that wish,” his voice was barely above a whisper, “but as much as I regret Gisela's death, the truth is I would not change a single moment I shared with her for anything. Even if it was so too short a time, loving her, made me a better man,” Aethelflaed turned, her blue eyes looking into Uhtred's, “just as loving Erik made you a better woman, a better leader.”
Aethelflaed nodded. She let Uhtred wipe away her tears. He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She kissed him back softly. She pulled away when she heard Aelfwynn squeal. She turned and laughed as she saw her daughter running towards her.
“Momma!” she yelled.
Aethelflaed crouched down and caught her daughter in her arms. She held her close and tight. Uhtred was right; loving Erik had given her Aelfwynn, and that she would never regret.
