#enchantedcosette

[saferincages]

I love you and I love your voice (all of your songs are still on my ipod and I listen to them a lot!!) and I wish you wouldn't be so self-deprecating because your voice is exquisite and you are wonderful. <3333 my love for you is boundless. that's all. *clings*

(*winces* I just. I have no illusions about it, but I feel like I was deluding myself into thinking any of those covers were acceptable to begin with, not that I ever thought they were ‘good’  - I knew how third rate I was. I could actually feel my lack of talent, as if it were cheap clothes I was wearing inside. it’s not even humility or self-deprecation as much as it is an all encompassing feeling of shame, to the point where it borders on feeling like I’ve done something wrong. or maybe that is self-deprecation, idk. hearing myself makes me really miserable, and there’s no point in pushing myself to do something that hurts so much, so unless that feeling somehow dissipates…? and it’s terrible to say this to you, to anyone, and not graciously just say, “thank you” and accept the compliment, because I don’t want to come across as invalidating or being ingracious towards your compliments/support/opinion. I value it so much and it matters ENORMOUSLY to me, because I know you mean it, and I know you believe it, even when I can’t myself).

you’re an angel and I love you with all my heart.

[saferincages]

today, there was a ring at the doorbell, and lo, a package arrived! 

remember the marvelous gothicky raven birdcage fairylights?

darling Giselle sent them to me for my birthday!!! what a wonderful surprise my love, I cannot thank you enough. ♥♥♥  (had I realized what the box was when it came, I wouldn't have opened it and would have saved it, but my mom didn't know, so it's just a little early. :D the timing was wonderful, though, because I was taken quite ill this morning and it was nice to have something cheerful to focus on!) some of you already know this, but the wall of my room that my bed is on is constructed very oddly (it's a retaining wall, I guess?), and it has this ledge that runs the entire length of it. my bed takes up one part of it, and I have a bunch of my Monster High dolls displayed along it (it's to my left side as I sit at my desk), so I strung the cages behind the ghouls to light them up a little bit. (yes, I have Disney princess plaques hanging above candy-colored monsters. ...no one is surprised). the lights are such an atmospheric touch, they give off a warm glow but are perfectly spooky at the same time!

[saferincages]

darling Beth wrote this message to me and I want to share:

romantic love is not the be all, end all.  There are many different kinds of love, and platonic love is no less life-changing or important.  I would even argue that platonic relationships are generally the most important, as they are by far the most selfless.  The Greeks acknowledged this—philia, brotherly love, was considered the most sacred because it was so pure and selfless!

Society has a lot to answer for—we have to admit that it sends out SO many messages to program people into believing that the only thing in life that matters is ~finding the one~, when in reality, life is about developing moral excellence and helping others.  But if you’re going to have a romantic relationship, why would you be selfish and demand more than anyone can humanly give?  That’s not healthy, as you pointed out.  That’s not even a relationship: it’s possession.

But then I read your post!  And I was like, “Thank God, a sane, logical person!”  (Not that we expect anything else from you!)  And it’s so refreshing to know I have my fellow spinsters here to combat the collective stupidity of mankind with logic and platonic love.  ♥

NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU LIKE YOUR DOG WILL LOVE YOU.  AND YOUR MOM.  YOUR DOG AND YOUR MOM.  Everyone else can go home.

I've had many discussions with my good friend Annabelle on this subject, and on our deep connection to pure and selfless love, as she is a fellow spinster sister. She wrote to me a while ago saying that there's this idea in "romantic" relationships that you must be almost owned by the other person, that they have some entitlement over you (or you over them), this possessive need to have more of you than anyone else, which in turn causes a lot of unpleasantness and jealousy and  even, in some cases, a certain loss of self, which is an idea that makes my skin crawl a bit. My spirit has always been a fanciful one, but also a fiercely independent one. I have always felt wired to love, to love deeply and kindly and vastly, but as I grew up, I slowly realized that my definition of this love when compared to what society tells us is the "ideal" is not the same thing.

It's interesting that Beth would mention the Greek words because Annabelle and I also discussed this. I have never gravitated towards the "eros," the physical/passionate love, which is the one commercially packaged to us. (and yet I believe so MUCH in being passionate, but that, too, is not...physical for me, it's passion as a fervent drive intellectually/emotionally.) I have striven for the "philia," the mental, virtuous love, and for the "agape," the selfless, spiritual, all-encompassing but never demanding, love. That's why 1 Corinthians 13 is so dear and important to me, because it's about that love flowing forth from the inner spirit. It is not superficial, or self-seeking, and it spans multitudes. It's always been difficult for me to explain because love is VITAL to me and is constantly stirring my soul, but it's not attraction or desire for the physical, it's something I feel is boundless and inspiring, something that lives not only in the tangible and platonic love for others, but is also wrapped up in the intangible, in love of art or music or the expansive beauty of the world.

I long to always be my own, and yet I long to always give love without requirement of return wherever it is needed, and I don't feel those two ideals are mutually exclusive. But I balk at the idea of anyone being able to possess me in any way, or dictate what my love should do or should mean. It's taken me a long time to fully accept this and not think there was something broken in me for not craving a romantic/sexual attachment, and finally getting to the place where I'm really understanding it and am able to give my own kind of love more openly/freely has brought me a great amount of solace.

"life is about developing moral excellence and helping others." I CONCUR MOST SINCERELY.

And yes, absolutely, MY DOGGIE AND MY MOM, their love is irrevocable and nothing can replace that, and I feel very fortunate to have them. And I am very fortunate to have such incredible, understanding platonic friends in my life, too. ♥♥♥

[saferincages]

the Nanny

is this a belated response to the tv series meme? I’ll take it. (oh my gosh, The Nanny, though

okay, I left The Nanny off of the essay I wrote last night in regards to television, but allow me to speak about this for a moment - I just had a discussion with Melissa about ethnic identities/cultural heritages, and talked to her about how I’ve always felt a connection with my Jewish background, even though it’s only half of my family, and not even the half I grew up with, I feel very culturally Jewish, and it’s always a tricky thing to explain, and it’s also something I have been ostracized and attacked for in various places and on various occasions. I don’t want to give everyone a boring tale of my struggle to find acceptance/understanding of it because that’s a whole other issue much too weighty for this moment, BUT The Nanny was a big deal to me when I was a kid, because Fran was so unabashedly who she was. Yes, it’s over-the-top and a comedic stereotype of Jewish women and families - though I find it less offensive than other similar jokey Jews that have been portrayed on television since - but there was still an authenticity to it and it gave me a deep feeling of representation? She didn’t have to be ashamed of her culture, she just owned it, and I still love that, and I respect Fran Drescher a lot in general. BLAH BLAH YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS YOU JUST WANTED ME TO DO A SIMPLE MEME)

❤ Favorite Male: Niles❤ Favorite Female: Fran❤ Favorite Pairing: Fran/Maxwell❤ Least Favorite Character: I’m not sure, maybe Brighton❤ who’s most like me: Grace, a lot of which is because she is a real blending of both cultures since being raised by Fran has a big impact on her (and the imaginary friend neuroses aren’t too far off, either). She is her Anglo-European side, but she gets a lot of influences from Fran’s outlook on life and her distinct background.❤ most attractive: Max???? (shhh HIS ACCENT THO)❤ three more characters that I like: C.C., Yetta, Maggie

and in the submission Annabelle sent me, she asked me to do Gilmore Girls, but I hadn’t had a place to answer that yet, so I’ll do it here!

❤ Favorite Male: Luke❤ Favorite Female: Rory but also Lorelai but also Sookie but also Lane but also Emily???❤ Favorite Pairing: Luke/Lorelai, definitely (but Rory/Jess should’ve been endgame, too)❤ Least Favorite Character: Mitchum Huntzburger whyyy (I actually didn’t hate Logan, but his father was the worst)❤ who’s most like me: Rory❤ most attractive: maybe Jess❤ three more characters that I like: Michel, Gypsy, Jackson

[saferincages]

your "have yourself a merry little christmas" makes me so happy I cannot describe <3333

thank you, bb, that means a lot. <333 it’s not as bad as most of what I recorded, at least I don’t feel like it was a huge disservice to Judy or anything regardless of how lightweight my voice is overall. I know how second-rate I am, etc.

In all honesty, as much as I truly appreciate you believing in me, I just don’t have it in me anymore and am uncertain as to if I ever will (and my own parents got sick of hearing me and I kept being asked why I was wasting my time and comparisons kept being made to me here about how much better other people are and why was I even bothering?, and comparisons were made by family to my cousin who’s studying music/opera at the collegiate level and can go into it professionally and it was made abundantly clear to me by all of that how pointless it was, I’m not trained, I’m not strongly talented, and having that drilled into me took the enjoyment out of it, too. Now all I hear is the thready weakness of it and I don’t feel like subjecting anyone to that anymore lol).

[saferincages]

"#i want a nose job (i have always wanted a nose job) and if i could have anyone's nose it would be hers" UGH I FEEL THIS FEEL WITH YOU though I predictably would go for Amy Adams' nose. (also, you have a lovely nose, so there???)

;___; I love you both infinitely, and thank you for being nice to me, but NOPE I HAVE THE WORST MOST AWFUL NOSE, I HATE IT, IT RUINS MY ENTIRE FACE. like not that I particularly celebrate my face as a whole, but I often think, “IF I COULD ONLY FIX MY NOSE.”

It’s way too bulbous and very Jewish looking, I got my fathers’ family nose (I sadly take no comfort from Barbra Streisand and her never-changing-her-nose legacy). It’s also technically broken - I had a perfect little turned up ski nose when I was a child, but in elementary school, this girl Tiffany threw a ball right at my face during gym and busted the cartilage in the bridge, so it’s crooked and gross on profile, and then my baby cousin fell on me a few years later and broke it further (he gave me a concussion and he was fine lol). I could also get it fixed for actual medical reasons beyond the cosmetic ones, because I have a deviated septum that has always plagued me with sinus problems, but the cosmetic horror at looking at myself is the reason I’d most want to get it fixed (superficial about it idec). When I was a teenager and was more tormented about it (the boys in high-school used to call me Miss Piggy?), my mom used to say we’d find a way to get it fixed when I was in my twenties, but of course life sort of didn’t work out the way we planned so I’m still stuck with this stupid nose. The first time I ever saw Liv Tyler, I was like, “THAT’S IT THAT’S THE PERFECT PRINCESS NOSE THAT I WANT” and it will forever make me sigh heavily when I see her (though Liv is the epitome of beauty to me in basically every other way, as well, no one is surprised). 

Amy Adams also has a fantastic nose, I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THOSE HAPPEN. D: But, darlingest Jamie, shhhh, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND REMINISCENT OF A PAINTING AND YOUR NOSE IS REALLY CUTE (she says, stubbornly, knowing how easy this is to say and impossible this is to internalize).

And Annabelle, my beloved, YOU MAKE ME CRY, you are honestly far too giving towards me (with everything!!!!!! <3333), and you, too, are exceptionally beautiful and classical looking. I wish we could swan around in old-fashioned dresses in places of striking architectural design together.