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Corporate America

Monday - 9 AM

Employee 1: [to everyone, minus Employee 2] Employee 2 is horrible and mean and hostile.  

Employee 3: [to Employee 2] Hey, between us, Employee 1 is saying these horrible things about you to everyone.

Monday - 2 PM

Boss 1: [to Employee 3] Employee 2 told me you forwarded the email from Employee 1. Her feelings are hurt. Don't do that again. 

Employee 3: Ok

Monday - 7 PM

Employee 3: [text to Employee 2] Hey did you tell Boss 1 that I told you what Employee 1 said?

Employee 2: [text to Employee 3] never!

#repeat

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6.9.15

my dog has been laying with his face on my iPhone for the last hour listening to a taylor swift playlist on repeat

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that horrible moment when you meant to email the president of your company, regarding a serious client issue, but accidentally send it to the vp of the company you were discussing.

that wonderful moment when your best friend texts you "honestly it’s mostly their fault for having such a generic common name like brad"

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i work my ass off, come in early, leave late. get the biggest account in the office. get the invite to the meetings. a seat at the table.

there is a problem. not one i created but i have a solution. so i come in early, leave late. handle it.  

the CEO comes in and tells me i did a great job. and then he hugs me. 

he hugs me.

i don't need a fucking hug. how he thinks that a hug in some way validates the work i've done is beyond me. that i give a fuck if i get a hug. that somehow i feel special because i got a hug for doing a good job. honestly, unless there is some secret place where i can cash in the hugs and starbucks gift cards for an equal wage, i'm not interested.

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9.10.14

my boss asked me to film her doing squats because she wants to be an internet fitness star

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8.8.14

a job in sales, with mostly men, means a lot of nicknames: pirate, circle k, mad man, the ho.

it also means if you sit in the wrong chair, the president of the company may point in your direction and say “i thought the ho had a solution to this”