Analysis Review
CC1: Idea not yet grounded in evidence or analysis
Original: The quote, “I did it for posterity, for kindergarten teachers and a clear moral: Little girls shouldn’t wander off” (stanza I, 2-5), brings a whole new perspective to the story of Little Red Riding Hood. Instead of being the “big bad wolf”, the wolf presents himself as a storyteller teaching a lesson that the little red riding hood should have obeyed her parents rather than talking to strangers.
Revision: The quote, “I did it for posterity, for kindergarten teachers and a clear moral: Little girls shouldn’t wander off” (stanza I, 2-5), brings a whole new perspective to the story of Little Red Riding Hood. The word choice by the wolf, "posterity", "teachers" and "moral", all can be categorized under a common theme: education, which can be attributed to the drive underlying his actions.
Reflection: My second sentence in the original was essentially a summary of the text, without really drawing from the quote I wrote specifically. For my revision, I tried to single out certain words from the quote itself to explain the wolf's actions instead of just summarizing what the quote means.
A2: Claim, speculation, or interpretation presented as a fact or rule.
Original: He recognizes the “racial experiment” proposed to him but the fact that he smiled when thinking about the being a savior to his country, even in such dire and serious situation, means that the President, above all, is fixated on having the fame and being responsible for turning his country around financially with racial issues taking a secondary role.
Revision: He recognizes the "racial experiment" proposed to him, but even in such a dire and serious situation, the President still smiled when the Vice President mentioned the idea of his term being dubbed "America's Golden Age". Whereas Bell did not indicate any emotion of relief about the racial issue, this small showing of emotion shows at the idea of his success represents another perspective on the trade: that the President could be more focused on his own success and fame rather than racial issues.
Reflection: In my original, I immediately made an assumption that just because he smiled, the would mean he was "fixated" on another motive, which may or may not be true. However, I presented it as a fact. In my revision, I provided extra evidence to reason my analysis and chose words to make this analysis less of an either/or, but more of an "and".