May 20, 2021
Shoutout to @von-wild-brothers who just liked so many posts and made my day, you're amazing 🥰
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Shoutout to @von-wild-brothers who just liked so many posts and made my day, you're amazing 🥰
We just had to call a guy out for a gas leak and I hate gas, gas flames have freaked me out for as long as I can remember. Living in a flat with gas for a year is not ideal. But I thought I could live with it, it wasn't like we had any other choice.
But this. This scares the hell out of me. My flatmate was/is terrified too. Apart from the fact we have no hot water we'd be happy of the gas never got switched back on.
I'm really fucking scared right now, and classes start tommorow-technically-today. I'm sorry that I haven't been posting much content and there have been a lot of personal stuff recently, thank you for bearing with me. Any pics of John or Kayo would be very welcome.
I had a tutorial with my choreography teacher and she told me that she doesn't like the fact it's an obvious narrative, the music, or the movement. So basically everything I've been working on since december. It's due in a week. She knew what I was doing and only chose to tell me now that it's terrible.
I'm so done with having no fucking creative freedom. I want to tell stories not do pointless abstract movement.
JUST ME THINKING OVER STUFF AND NEEDING OUTSIDE OPINIONS
I want to learn an instrument, I haven't really played anything before except in music in secondary school (which doesn't count) and fiddling around trying to teach myself John Williams stuff on a keyboard (we no longer have it). I dance so I have some sense of music but I feel like I'm too old (I'm not. I'm 20.)
Anyway I want to learn the lute.
It's a lovely sound at totally my kind of history too.
Am I being ridiculous?
I know full well it will not be easy because the arts never are, but I want to try, and I want something else that isn't just dance.
My area goes into tier 4 lockdown today and I was going to go christmas shopping for my family either today or tomorrow. All the stuff I was going to get can't be ordered online and it's probably too late now and I don't know what to do.
I have so much uni work to do but I can't concentrate on anything but I'm stressing about it so I'm not even taking a break. I've already missed a draft deadline for something.
On top of that my friend's dog is staying and he always barks at my cats and is generally a pain in the arse.
I know I haven't really been active for a while, I'm trying to reduce my social media/screen time and uni's been a lot.
I have a 2000 word essay due on friday, i've only just started it because my time management is appalling this year. I'm struggling hugely with my choreography since i'm having to create on someone else over the internet. Obviously I've been swept up by a returning obsession because it always happens at the most inconvenient times. We are apparently returning to face to face teaching on the 8th which i should be happy about but I am not comfortable going back to a place where we PHYSICALLY CAN'T SOCIAL DISTANCE no matter how hard we try, before most of the people there have had the vaccine. I need to work on my essay but I've spent the last half hour sobbing and blasting music at full volume because I know I can't work in this state but I'm still really upset with myself, that I can't just do it, and I can't make myself focus.
Sorry to vent I'm just really stressed and emotional
I have finally completed my choreological studies assessment and I have no clue if I'll pass cos I understand nothing but it's done!
Just a short update, I'm living in T4 lockdown, my uni is all online (thank gods), I'm unfortunately in london because I can't do uni work at home (as lockdown 1 proved) and I'm paying for this flat (my flatmate is here too, I'm not alone). But because I'm in london instead of the middle of nowhere it means I can't go and scream/cry in the woods when I get stressed and I don't know how well I'm going to cope. It hasn't been a week yet so too early to tell.
Also there is a mouse in the flat. Which is a pain.