I’m agitated today because of course I am, I am on day n of n days of multiple seizures per day. Sometime in April someone on here was saying (facetiously) that mathematics is pain. Mathematics is not pain. Mathematics used to be my escape from pain. I used to have non painful motor seizures. They looked weird, but they lasted like 30 seconds and didn’t hurt me. But because they looked weird, the woman running ABA tortured me for them. That’s pain. Now I can’t stop having much, much worse seizures. These seizures hurt and I know they are echoes of what was done to me. And now the seizures are spreading. I can’t even run to math anymore because too much of my brain is busy seizing. Even thinking about it makes me dizzy and makes the vibrations worse. The vibrations are threatening to swallow me whole. I am so sad