#epiphemera {rose}

[txchikaze]

@epiphemera {Rose} from here [x]:〘 rose 〙"they say there's no reward without a challenge." and while the silver-haired man is certainly a challenge, especially to watch struggle with his sense of self, it truly is rewarding when kensei seeks him out for guidance or companionship. when rose gets a glimpse of his friend unfettered by the things that so often weigh him down or finding a piece of enjoyment in his life. "your friendship is a reward that even my instruments cannot do justice to."

--- As ever when confronted with something as emotional as all this { even if he absolutely refuses to let it show }, he is unable to look Rose in the eye. Though, he does listen closely for the other's answer, for any hint that perhaps he might have been right, or will be right in the future.

Rose does not placate him, which, strangely, makes the answer seem more believable. His fellow visored does not claim that he is not difficult to be friends with, quite the opposite it sems. But.. It also obviously does not deter him. A wry smile curves his lips. "Right.. Thanks." He doesn't really get what Rose's instruments have to do with it, but those are dear to his friend, so.. He supposes it isn't so bad to be mentioned in the same breath.

"Now just forget I ever told you anything, won't you?"

[txchikaze]

💀 (for rose)

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--- "Alright, fine.." He suspects the expectation is something like Rose perishing in battle, or the hollows taking over, ripping them apart, or even just the fact that their livespans are cut in half, and Rose'll go before he does. But it's something.. A little more insidious, and something he tries not to dwell on too much. He already knows what Rose will say in reply anyway.

He's never shared this, despite Rose being, for all intents and purposes, his first friend.. And, for a while there, his only friend. They spoke about a wider array of concepts and worries and interests than anyone else Kensei had shared his mind with { though admittedly, that list was not very long }.

"I'm always kind'f expecting you to figure out I'm more trouble than I'm worth." He shrugs, like that thought is not completely devastating. He doesn't carry such insecurities lightly. In most areas of life, he is quietly confident and secure. This is not one of them; people, friendship.. He does feel deeply, even if he little shows it. "I think I'm always kinda waiting for you to realize it." And to drop him in turn. He wouldn't fault Rose for that. Kensei knows he is not an easy-going person, he isn't a light- and kindhearted friend like Rose is. He doesn't have the right words half the time, and the other half he explicitly uses the wrong ones. He can be explosive and nitpicky, and downright impenetrable at times.

His biggest fear with regards to Rose is that.. Rose will realize he deserves a better friend. Someone who doesn't need instructions to be even a half-way good one. Someone that doesn't need that much energy put in to keep. Once he realises that..

Kensei is not sure what then. He'd probably survive just fine. But the mere idea of it makes his skin crawl and his chest feel tight.

[omoikokoro]

📖 —— the new captain

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November 11th

--- Aizen Sosuke was sentenced today. The 8th level of Muken still does not seem enough. Nor do nearly 19 millennia. But I suppose that provides a conclusion of sorts. I suspect people will think that peace is the only option after this. Life goes on, and all that. It almost seems too simple.

My temporary captaincy has been revoked, which is fine by me.. I never wanted to be captain anyway, and Gin Ichimaru-taichou didn't mess the division up as much as you might think. It is a little daunting, though.. Otoribashi Rojurou.. That's his name. I only know he swooped in with some others along with the Ryoka Kurosaki during the battle.. A saviour of sorts. They happened to be allied with us, I suppose. He knows the Third, captained it before Ichimaru did. I must have been a kid then. I'll try to find some records in the archives. Maybe I'll be able to glean what kind of person he was (or is).

He has kind eyes, and nice hands. and he's a good dresser. But those should never really be taken as indicators of virtue. If anything I should really remember that I know nothing..

He's officially introduced to the division tomorrow, though he's already been around for a couple of days.. I probably shouldn't say so but I'm nervous. Something about him isn't quite right but I can't put my finger on it. It'll be fine.

Haiku of the day:

Late autumn falling leaves whirling 'round the courtyard a new wind blowing

[omoikokoro]

--- I don't trust it when those two are together...

[omoikokoro]

〘 rose 〙 ❛ sleep. i’ll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you. ❜

--- "'m sorry.." He whimpers, his brow still hot and slick with sweat. Perhaps he is running a fever, too. He's not checked, and the mere idea of getting up out of bed and out of Rose's arms is unfathomable.

He wishes he wasn't always such a burden. That Rose could simply love him and he could love him back, and their days were filled with mundane joys, and routine. Not shit like this.. Screaming in the night, monsters stalking them { or making a home in their soul }. It seemed unfair, especially when Rose had already been through enough. He deserved someone more stable, someone that could also return the favour every once in a while. Take care of him.

Useless..

He's absolutely worthless. He tries to suppress the sobs that rip through his body. Rose would be upset if he saw or heard. Izuru tries to obey, but sleep is hard to catch, especially when you're actively chasing it. It prefers to sneak up on you.. So he fails, and buries his wet face more solidly against the collar of Rose's yukata.