Anon Advice Asks - April 10
Outlet anon, outed anon, snape anon (new), episode anon (new), first binder anon
Outlet anon
My trauma wasn't even that bad.
Why am I so fucked up?
Why can't I believe someone would ever care about me?
Why did the world give up on me before I was old enough to spell my name?
How did I survive myself?
-outlet
Hi <3 I need you to remember that a lot of these thoughts are your brain messing with you. You are not fucked up and your trauma is valid. People DO care, and there are people who believe in you <3 and you WILL survive.
I got 100/100 on the research paper from a few weeks ago!!!!!
COngratulations!!! This is truly impressive. Want to write my papers for me? lol
Hey Cas, Outlet anon here.
I have a bio exam in a couple hours that I'm probably going to fail, but oh well. I gave up on studying two minutes in and I've already used up my medication for today.
'No beta we die like men' but it's my GPA
I'll let you know how it goes <3
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Hey Cas, Outlet anon here.
I got 98/104!!
HA! PROOF! Sometimes, your brain is lying to you and telling you bad things about yourself that aren;t true. Obviously, you're very smart and capable of hard things. I'm so proud of you!
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Outed anon
Hello Cas, Its Outed Anon here!
I have a pretty light ask but this is something ive been trying to work out recently.
Basically I have a friend - lets call her A for the record - and she's a really nice person! Like a motherly-ironic type. However, no matter how nice she is, she has actually no filter in what she says. Whatever she thinks she will say. While this is a good thing a problem i (and other friend K) have with her is that she never says nice things like that. For example, we all have a mutual friend who is really into her. Not only romantically but also as a person and he geniuenly cares about her and her opinion. His parents are divorced and he has two sisters so his mom works extra hard to afford the food and everything. Because of that she works late hours and the house isnt messy but its a bit chaotic (it actually is far from being messy but theres just a lot of things happening). But his house is really comfy and its our place to just chill. When he wanred to invite us over for his BIRTHDAY she said she wont come because (in her opinion) his house holds (and here i quote) "bad energy" & its dirty. (Its really not)
Im a pagan so im into witchcraft anf the house was really fine, so im not sure where the comment came from but it was very hurtfull for him.
Another thing is that she really likes helping. Shes the type of person to help a random girl whos crying on the street. Its really sweet but it is a bit annoying. Example: i did my homework badly because i really wanted to be done with it and she asked if she can copy it. I gave it to her but didnt really want to because (as i mentioned) it was done wrong (which she knew about) and because last time i gave her homework she gave it to other people which did made fun of me so i was taken aback. Again as i feared she gave the BADLY done homework to other students in out class. I asked her why did she do it if i asked her last time not to do so and she just said she doesnt thinj she did anything bad. After all she just helped our friends by giving them homework. Except it was mine and i didnt want to share cause IT WAS WRONG.
Yeah so i basically wanted to ask for advice how to gently imply to her that her actions & words are actually hurting people and she doesn't realise it. She also never apologise on her own and when she does say 'sorry' then its only because me or K told her she was rude and she just should admit to that.
Ok this was longer then i expected. Hope your week goes well & youre healthy BYE
(ALSO CHAPTER 11 OF TSATS??? ATE?? I LOVED IT SO MUCH)
Hi! Thank you for the love!
Honestly, this is the type of thing that you have to be honest about. You have to tell your friend that she's hurting people. I mean, you can even show her a version of what you wrote here, or tell her something similar: That you know she's caring and likes to help, but sometimes her actions hurt. I know you're afraid of upsetting her, but the alternative is that she continues to act this way, you continue to get hurt, and your friendship eventually fails. It's okay to be honest with people when they've hurt you <3 Just make sure to sit her down and approach the conversation seriously so she knows you're serious. If she gets angry from there, then it might be a sign to take a step back from the friendship.
Sending love!
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Snape anon (TW: SA mention)
I'm so confused right now.. so I just saw a Pro Snape post and it was about the prank and how the Marauders were wrong and everything right cool,but my problem is the post had "SA is wrong no matter the victim" (which true) and basically the Marauders fans are protecting perpetrators. And I'm confused cause I've never read the books, so I don't know the exact specifics of the prank, but I've never heard anything about SA up until now. Was everyone not talking about this, or is the person who made this post just lying, or maybe I didn't understand the post?? I don't know. Please clarify if you know what's going on here. I'm so confused.
Hi!
Yeah, I like to think I have a pretty good knowledge of canon and the marauders never SA'd anyone, nor did Snape SA anyone. They were all awful to each other in canon, absolutely, but not like that. The main instance in the books that I can think of is that Merope, Voldemort's mother, used love potion to seduce Tom Senior, Voldemort's father, which a lot of people consider SA. But yeah...people can correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't think of anything. I'm wondering if maybe they were making a comparison? Like saying bullying is wrong, no matter the victim, just like SA is wrong, no matter the victim? Which...bullying is wrong, a thousand percent, but comparing it to SA is wild, imo.
Edited to add: okay someone wrote in to remind me that in the fifth book, in the chapter titled "Snape's Worst Memory" when Harry sees James and Sirius bullying Snape, there is a moment when they have him upside-down and they take off his pants with magic. They then threaten to (but Harry never finds out if they actually) take off Snape's underwear. I re-read it to double check. According to wikipedia, which I acknowledge can often be wrong, "Pantsing, also known as depantsing, debagging, dacking, flagging, sharking, and scanting, is the act of pulling down a person's trousers and sometimes underpants, typically as a practical joke or a form of bullying." It also says "Pantsing can be used as a form of bullying and is technically the crime of simple assault." So it looks like legally, pantsing someone is considered a form of simple assault, not SA. At most, if the intentions were different, it sounds like it might be considered sexual harassment.
I have mixed feelings because I'm not a survivor of SA, so I can;t completely understand. So part of me wants to argue that this is not SA, and saying it is minimizes actual instances of SA. BUT given this context, I can see why someone might personally feel like this is SA because it is very exposing. Legal definitions aside, it was a very horrible and violating thing to do, obviously. I'm open to hearing thoughts, but please send them to my DMs, not in the comments here!
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episode anon
congrats to me ik it isn’t that big of a deal but today i saw the “This episode contains (redacted) and may be upsetting for some readers.” and decided that I should not read the episode at that time.
I always thought that the TWs were for ppl with traumas or severe problems or phobias but today I decided that, yes, this thing upsets me and I probably shouldn't read it at 6:30 am
This IS a big deal! Trigger warnings are for everyone and you did amazing setting a healthy boundary for yourself! Awesome job!
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first binder anon
hi!
so funny story i’m kinda out to my parents now
not entirely by choice
it’s kinda complicated, but my moms coworker basically used my new name to her (assuming she knew) because i’m friends with her son.
but it went ok enough
my parents were very nice about it, i think my mom was upset that her friend knew before she did and before i told her (which like— im not super happy about either) but like as far as these things go it went pretty well.
my binder hasn’t come yet (it’s supposed to come in 1-2 weeks, i think it was just shipped?) but i’m really excited!
- first binder anon
Hi! I'm so glad your parents reacted okay, but I'm really sorry the decision to come out was taken from you. That's really frustrating, no matter what the result was, and it's okay to feel upset about it.
Keep me updated, I can't wait to hear about the binder!