#outed anon

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - July 27

outed anon, exercise anon (new), in laws anon (new), hair anon, I win anon (new), fake dating anon

outed anon

Hi!

I mean I don't think that's a bad reason to stop talking to someone at ALL. I think all of your reasoning is completely fair. I also don't think that's a small thing at all, especially because she didn't really listen when you tried to talk about it. Also, the fact that it's not the only thing she's not empathetic about...yeah, those are definite red flags. I think it also goes back to the idea of- people judge you by who you associate with. So even if she goes on to treat YOU well, who will she treat others? how will others judge you, because you are friends/more than friends with her?

Yeah, I think you're right to want to take a step back.

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exercise anon

Hey Cas! I have a question about health and exercise and stuff, but the people around me have very skewed views on exercise and eating and stuff, so

I’ve been trying to exercise to keep myself in control of my body and stay healthy, because I really want to have the strength to take care of myself when I’m older so I’ve researched different things about exercise, my body, etc. and I’ve found a few exercises, And one of them is squats since they apparently really help keep knee and leg strength up so walking up and down stairs is easier, but whenever I squat my knee hurts slightly? Not like a knee injury/cracked knuckle/joint, but like a slightly painful tug, and I’m not sure if that’s normal or a good sign or a bad sign?

Sorry if this is too random, I love your microfics btw!

Bye bye <3

Hi!

I am definitely not a doctor but I think if it's been going on for more than a few days then yeah, you should go see a doctor. Because either you've pulled something or your positioning is wrong, and either way, a doctor can help you fix that :)

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in laws anon

Cass hey, so I ditched my parents, and married a man. then, i came out as a trans man. It's good tho, my husband is bisexual and still loves me etc.

The thing is, my in laws.

So my father in law learnt I was trans because my husband's sister outed me in front of him. (She wasn't trying to be mean she is like 13 and really didn't know she was outing me)

And I froze. My parents were homophobic and I was abused when I come out as pansexual back when I was a teen.

So my brain was full on survival mode and I started crying (had a panic attack sadly.)

And my father in law literally looked at me, yelled at me,

'why are you crying. man up. Are you a weak shit, you are a man, act like it.'

I was too speechless lol. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. I went away, and my husband drive me home immediately. I don't know what to do rn? I mean, he is definitely Misogynistic but I guess trans rights included? How tf-

Anyway. According to the sis father in law later talked about how I should go to the army bc me not going is cheating (??) (it's literally illegal for trans people to join the army here???)

Like I don't understand him.

At all

At least my husband is sane. Anyway, so, what to do? I was thinking about leaving the speaking thing to my husband but I have to interact with him at some point, and I don't know what to do? Should I try to pass more? I dunno.

I can't cry anywhere near him anymore, which doesn't change too much in my life, but still.

I shared this because I think it's a weird memory and kinda funny? Idk what to feel.

Lots of love

I...don't even know how to react to this. Like how does someone act both so supportive and so NOT at the same time? I'm so sorry this has happened <3

Please DONT change yourself just to satisfy your in-laws. I think what needs to happen is you need to talk with your husband. Discuss how you're feeling and come up with a plan together about how to address this when it happens again (because it will). And make sure the plan isn't 'we'll just let him be an asshole' because that's not fair to you. The important thing here is to make sure you and your husband are on the same page and that, going forward, you feel supported by HIM. Then, whether you decide you'll go to your in-laws less, your husband will say something when you're not around, or your husband will say something while you're there...the plan has been decided together.

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hair anon

Hey Cas! How have you been?

I asked my mom to rate my makeup/help me with it (i wasn’t really expressing myself, and i felt like i was hiding who I really was with my makeup but I felt too insecure to try and be myself today so I asked her) and she said that if I want her advice I have to be “willing to take it” and kept trying to tell me about my outfit (an outfit I have worn before, that both my parents have told me I should wear much more often) and I told her I wasn’t ready and just wanted to hear the makeup advice,

And she told my my outfit was bad and needed “a lot of work” and I told her that I wasn’t ready and that by doing that she hurt my feelings, and she got mad at me and sarcastically asked “How am I supposed to know when you’re ready???!?!!!” And I was like… “when I tell you I am? After you finish helping me with the thing you agreed to help me with?? My makeup??” And she guilt-tripped me into apologizing by being short and rude to me, and I kept trying to explain that “she hurt my feelings” but she just said “FINE. I GUESS ILL JUST WAIT NEXT TIME” and has been rude to me ever since.

Luckily I’ll be away from her for the next few hours, but everyday is like this. I don’t want to be here. This isn’t my home, I feel alone and resented and honestly it makes me want to never wake up sometimes.

I just want someone to love me and be nice to me.

I hate it here

-hair anon

Hi!

I'm so sorry, it sounds like she wasn't listening to a boundary that you clearly set </3 that's so frustrating.

If you're looking for help with makeup, I've found pinterest and youtube/tiktok tutorials to be really helpful. AND they don't critique your outfit <3

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I Win Anon

I win. (Came out to my homophobic parents as bi)

But at what cost? (End up with a straight looking relationship)

I'm sorry </3 But maybe it's worth it, to be yourself? I'm sending you love!

---

Fake dating anon

Hey its fake dating anon um??? Actual update???

Firstly bc of the answer to the last ask i sent nobody would think im cheating or anything like that bc none of us live in the same country lol

Anyway back to the more pressing matters my friend that told her friend that i was her gf is coming to visig (yay! Im so happy bro) WITH HER FRIEND SHE TOLD WE WERE DATING. And so now she cant "break up" with me bc im going to be at her house everyday and thats like... so awkward ABD HER FRIEND KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE im laughing so hard. Obviously we're not going to try to convince her we're dating and i trust my friend that if it gets uncomfortable she'll just admit to lying or whatever shes rlly nice. This situation is just SO funny to me

Like i thought i would never see her ever and now im seeing her in like 3 weeks. So.

Dont misinterpret tho im not uncomfy with this i just want to talk about it bc its hilarious

OMG this sounds like a fanfic lol. please keep me updated to lmk how it goes

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

i was outed to a girl i like:)) and the person who did it did it purposefully :)) her dad and my mom are very homophobic :)) the girls dad reads her messages before she can :)) so i have been outed to the girl and her dad :)) all because of one person who got upset with me for no reason :)) im so pissed off :)) they wont even tell me what i did :)) and the girl hasnt spoken to me since :)) ive never been in any drama before, this is weird and i hate it :))

wow!  👏 what a friend you have!  👏 definitely the ideal way to come out!  👏 drama is just so much fun!  👏

all seriousness: that fucking sucks, i hope you’re safe and well, that person who outed you is 100% not your real friend please abort that friendship if you haven’t already. best of luck in this shitty situation, anon, i know you can get through it. this, too, shall pass. 

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello outed anon here and i'm comming to warn all the homosexuals out there.

So some time ago i send you an ask that i had a crush on the girl in my friend group as me etc. WELL I CONFESED TO HER AND NEED TO WARN MY FELLOW GIRL KISSERS and boy kissrrs cause sometimes they also try to get together asap.

RETHINK IT 14 TIMES. I thought i had a crush on her for months, we flirted and gave all the signs to each other. When i finally confresed and got rejected i've realised something.

I never romantically liked her in the first place, she was just my type. Literally wrote poems about her and now im realising i wrote poems of someone like her but it wasnt exactly her. Be carefull becausr my friendship with her survied and now everything is as it used to be (friendly but jokingly flirty) but not everyone is this understandeble as her.

Be safe and take things slow yall.

Hi hon!

I’m so sorry this happened ❤️ it sounds so confusing and frustrating. I think you’re right in saying though that it’s okay to take your time figuring out your feelings! You don’t have to force yourself. But it also shows that even if you make a mistake or get rejected, it’ll still be okay ❤️

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 19

movie project anon (new), champagne problems anon, outed anon, syllabus anon, friend crush anon (new)

movie project anon

Hi! I’ve never asked for advice before, but I feel like I really need it 😭 recently me and this guy that is in my friend group (but we don’t really interact too much) had to work together on a project shooting a movie, and throughout the process I realized he’s actually a really cool guy, and I like him… more than I should

I’ve never had this problem before, but I like a boy and I don’t know what to do… I graduate high school literally next week and idk if I’ll see him much after that, so if I say anything it has to be now

I messaged him in insta after he gave me a ride home saying I had fun shooting with him and we should hang out more, and he replied yes and that he had fun too, but I don’t know if the yes was to the fun or the hanging out

just typing this makes me realize how invested I am omg I want that cookie so bad

also, do you know what this face :> means?

love you lots, 🎬

Hi!

I mean I think the GOOD news is, if you ask him out and he says no, you only have to suffer through a bit of awkwardness before you graduate and you're unlikely to see him again. I think you should message him again and ask him to hang out. If you don;t try, you'll never know, and you'll always wonder 'what if,' you know? And like I said, if it doesn't go well, it's not like you have to sit next to him in class for years after.

:> is just a smile, right?

Sending love!

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champagne problems anon

hello it’s champagne problems anon again

i just got officially told that he’s going to community college (we were pretty sure before but now it’s official) and he will be graduating that at the same time i’ll be graduating high school

ok this REALLY sounds like champagne problems now, and possibly a little bratty but i feel like people are going to be so focused on him graduating community college that they won’t really be focused on me graduating high school?

this seems like a weird thing to complain about but it kind of seems like my moment and it feels like people are just going to be focusing on him

hope this doesn’t sound too bad lmao

Hi! This doesn't sound bad at all. You have a right to want recognition for your accomplishments! One of my brothers and I are 4 years apart, so the year I graduated college, he graduated high school. My mom attended his graduation, but not mine, so I understand the desire to want to be recognized. You deserve your moment!!!

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syllabus anon

Hey Cas, syllabus anon here! Your last response comforted me so much, thank you! But I think the root of the problem here is that I just like him so much. I was the one who liked him first, and it's been like, 4 years now (there were ons and offs in my crush, yes, but from start to now it's been 4 years). So it's kind of hard for me to let go like that. And there's also the fact that he IS nice to me. We met up last week, a few days after my ask, and he was very nice to me, though we didn't get to talk that much. Like, the problem is that it keeps switching up. Sometimes he's all nice and sometimes, it's so frustrating. I know that people can't be the same all the time, but, it really tires me out.

I can't help but think that maybe it is kind of my fault too? I don't call him much or anything like that because my family is almost always home and I don't want to get caught with this now. He has 2 or 3 friends who are girls, and he has told me multiple times about how they text him or how they call him often, and though he doesn't say that in an accusing way, I feel very bad about it. I'm the sort of person that feels everything extremely, and still does not understand my own feelings completely. So if I get upset about this it's constantly in the back of my mind.

It's like, everything goes really well and happy for three days, then crashes down on the fourth. Then again, and again this goes, like a cycle. My best friend is the only one I can talk about this to properly, and though she's completely happy about helping me understand my feelings, I feel embarrassed because I can't even handle the emotional weight of my own relationship. It's like all I'm good for is studying anyway.

I just want everything to be peaceful. I hope everything can figure itself out somehow.

Hi! <3

Here's the thing, a relationship that has cycles like that isn't healthy. You have to be able to talk about the causes of them...and it sounds like he doesnt really want to do that. You say that you're happy for three days, and then the fourth day comes crashing down....are those three days of happy worth the fourth day of sad?

I ask because I have BEEN in a relationship like this. I told myself those cycles were worth it. But after I left, I realized they weren't. And it SUCKS to leave someone you love. I get that. It's not simple, and it takes a lot of work and strength. But you deserve a relationship that has love on the fourth day as well.

Also you're NOT childish, and congrats on your amazing test scores!

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outed anon

Hello, its outed anon here.

Now this is really reddit post ahh ask but i honestly just need someones honest opinion.

My friend A has really strict parents. Like helicopter parents not regular strict parents. We're both in the schools drama club and we'll be preforming in a theathre soon so nobody from the cast can just sign out. Like posters with the names of the actors are printed and everything is on the official site so theres really no way of backing out.

Now A got her role recently, about two months ago (she doesn't even know what it is and she doesnt have much lines (JUST ONE)) so she's a bit stressed. I get it - i mean i already preformed infront of a big crowd so it's not that terrifying for me but ik how it felt like for the first time. Everyone has been really supporting and they were helping her out if she needed help or wanted to ask about something so it's also not like she's been bullied or anything. Yet she doesnt even try to learn her role, she doesnt ask anyone what her role is even tho we asked multiple times if she needs help, and generallyy doesnt try much. The teacher asked who could make the clubs instagram account ASAP, she said she could. That was a week ago and the teacher needed to get someone else to do it (the meetings are once a week and everyone else is like super extra busy). It wasnt really nice of her and the fact she didnt bother with telling the teacher she's not able to do it is also not very cool.

Now few days ago she told us that she got grounded for a month and she can't play. Mind you she was well aware the posters with HER NAME are already printed and cannot be changed. Apparently she got grounded for accidentally choosing the wrong bus. That's - in my opinion - a bit fucked up reason to ground your kid (excuse the language). Me and our other friend told her that she needs to tell the theather teacher ASAP so that she can maybe do something about it. A said that its not possible and that her mom made her mind up. Since we were aware that the teacher needs to know soon because she doesnt need to show at the rehelsals with her role, but being grounded meant she wouldn't show up to and ACTUALL show. Anyway we told the teacher and she said she will ask A parents nicely to let their child go to rehelsals (A knew we were telling the teacher) . Later A told me that me calling the reason she got grounded for 'stupid' wasn't smart because I don't know the whole picture and that I'm overreacting. I told her that im judging her parents decision based on what i hear, see and what she tells us about them. Once when i was in mcdonalds with her, her mom was calling every 15 minutes to make sure she was actually in mcdonalds. I also told her that if anyone is being inrational then its her not telling the theather teacher about the situation (I HAD TO DO IT). She even had the audaticy that i could take her role since she wont be able to play. I, in fact, cannot take her role. Her role requires to wear a night gown and be saying a monologe and the next scene is with me (and my actuall role) where i need to be wearing formal clothing. There is no time for a quick change. None. I also cant learn her lines and perfect mine cause i have a lot of text. She called me a shit friend for assuming the worst is going on in her house (i did not) and for not wanting to take up her role.

In my opinion, she's lying. There's been a few not so nice situations with her and the whole 'choosing the wrong bus and getting grounded' is absolutelly not possible. Not because i dont believe there are parents who wouldnt do it , but because we're using the same bus stop. There are two busses on said bus stop. One is mine and one is hers so she would need to go into my bus. And drive with me. I would for sure notice the busses arent that big. Also there's no way she did that in the weekend - as she went to mcdonalds with our friend this week. I'm always at school so i'd notice if she was late because of the bus (she wasn't). She has a lretty big victim syndrom and she wasn't in a centre of attention for quite a while.

Anyway was she right that i overreacted? I think my reaction was pretty resonable as we're playing a show on the 6th of June. So like a bit less then three weeks

Hi!

I think you're very right to be upset that A isn;t taking her role seriously, because that affects you all as a group. It's like any other team- you're only as strong as the weakest link. I also think you were right to tell the teacher...the role needs to be switched, and the sooner, the better. Again, this affects EVERYONE, so adults need to know.

I think where you were in the wrong is commenting about her parents. I agree with you that the reason for being grounded is stupid, but like you said, you don't know exactly what's going on at her house. There could be abuse she's hiding, or something wrong in her family. Yeah, it seems a bit suspicious that she HAPPENED to be grounded during this play she seems to want to avoid, but I think that might be a suspicion to keep to yourself, unless you're expressing actual concern to A. I completely get why you're so frustrated, and you SO have a right to be, but as someone who has talked to so many kids with so many scary things going on, I've learned it's better to either give empathy, or just don't say anything at all.

I hope you understand what I'm saying! And know that all of your feelings are so valid and I'd feel exactly the same way <3

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friend crush anon

Hey Cas!

I know it usually takes you some time to answer asks and I totally understand and respect that but I kind of need urgent advice…

One of my friends just said she has a crush on me and I don’t know if I like her back or not

How does one differentiate between romantic love and platonic love??

I promised her we would call tomorrow so I’m trying to figure it out quickly…

Heyy it’s the anon with a friend who has a crush on me again

I feel like maybe it didn’t give enough context in my first ask so here I am with more informations if you need them:

- We talk daily, which is something I’ve never done with anyone else

- I want to talk to them all the time and know everything about her

- I’ve always been way more affectionate with them than with my other friends but I’ve never thought about it it just comes naturally

- we live in different countries so we’ve never met irl (idk if it matters but ik it’s sometimes harder to feel attraction or stuff when you can’t actually see the person)

- I feel jealous when they mention other friends

- I didn’t feel jealous when she said she had a girlfriend

- They just got out of a toxic relationship so I’m kinda scared they convinced themselves they were in love with me to move on from their ex

(I’ve never been in a relationship or even kissed anyone so I’m really inexperienced in this field please help me)

Hi! Sorry it took me a bit to get to this!

Honestly, I think the best thing to do is to be honest with your friend, and GO SLOW. Like it's OKAY to tell them "hey, I genuinely am not sure how I feel. Can we spend some time together while I sort it out?" or if you want to try something you can say "Hey I don't know how I feel, but I'd like to try going on a date/hanging out alone. Is that okay?" OR if you want to wait you can say "Hey I'm not sure how I feel but I think we should stay friends for a bit until I can figure it out."

The best thing to do is be honest, so nobody gets their hopes up or gets hurt by hidden emotions, you know? I can't tell you what you feel, but I think with time, that might become clearer to you.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - May 7

Insta Anon (new), outed anon, ap test anon (new), no worries anon, financial anon (new)

Insta Anon

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm upset for absolutely no reason here and I'd love some input if possible.

My best friend is VERY active on Instagram. Like, posts Instagram stories for every occasion, always makes collages at the end of the month about everything she's done, tags everybody she's spent time with that month. It's prompted me to do a very similar thing, and I post little collages at the end of the month too now. I posted one a few days ago that had two photos of the two of us and I'd tagged her in it. I only had like seven or eight photos, so those two were a considerable chunk of the post.

She posted hers today, with around twenty five photos on it, and I didn't appear once. We've seen each other multiple times, and talked on facetime a lot (I live in a different city so that's mostly how we interact.)

She posted everything else that she did, posted people multiple times, multiple pictures from the same night and not a single picture of us together.

I know that it probably wasn't malicious, and was probably just an oversight, but it's really upset me. I just feel a little overlooked.

I feel stupid being upset, because it's literally just a post. It's just that I know how much she cares about and scours over those posts, and it just makes me feel a little forgotten about.

Is it dumb to be upset about it?

Hi!

Honestly I’d be annoyed too! Like yeah social media shouldn’t be a big deal but she’s not acknowledging your friendship and that’s hurtful. I’ve had friends do similar things and it really sucks because it feels like you’re putting more effort in.

If you feel like she would be willing to listen and hear you out, I think you should talk to her. Explain that it's not just about the actual post, but like...acknowledgement. But if she doesn’t take it seriously, or tells you you’re being silly...I would reevaluate how much she's prioritizing you compared to how much you're prioritizing her.

Sending love!

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outed anon

GOOD MORNING 🗣 (its outed anon)

Im making a patchwork sweater for my friend for her bd and im so done

LIKE HOW MANY SQUARES IS IT GOING TO TAKE

I MAKE 84 SQARES

I DIDNT NEED THAT MUCH

(No like i love her shes so sweet but never again)

Honestly if I was her I'd be so honored though. That is the sweetest gift, and I'm sure she'll love it. (And if she doesn't, I'll take it. Fuck.)

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ap test anon

hi cas my first ap test is in around 2 weeks and i haven’t started studying yet im going to start today but im taking two this year and i only took one last year so i need to study twice as hard but last year i started studying like a month beforehand and im actually so stressed i feel constantly on the verge of tears but i keep procrastinating because there’s just so much to do and its overwhelming and i really need to pass both these tests and idk idk idk

i don’t even know this is all such a jumble of words i’m just really stressed i don’t even know

Hi!

I totally understand the feeling of being overwhelmed like this. Remember though--any studying is better than no studying. Even if you do ten minutes a night, you're giving yourself a much better chance of passing. Don't push yourself to the point of refusing to do anything. Just do little bits and remind yourself that those little bits are still HUGE. Set a timer, study for ten minutes, then take a ten minute break, and see how you feel. Repeat if you can. You got this, I believe in you!

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no worries anon

No worries anon here

So… that friend hasn’t talked to me in some time. Like actually tried talking to me.

I miss having friendship with them, because they were my only irl that I had done rp with, they cosplayed and would understand my ships. They were in my fandoms and liked jegulus

Anyway

Despite that, I feel kinda free.

I do only have like… three irl friends tho, which is kinda sad. I mean, yeah, sure I’m introverted, but I like having friends.

Hi!

I totally understand this feeling. It's like, the loss of any friendship sucks because...it's a friend, and they once meant something to you. And when you have a small group of friends, it hits extra. But when that friend wasn't always respectful to you, it's also a relief. So it's a lot of mixed feelings. But maybe you can look at it like...now you have room in your life for someone who is better for you, you know?

Sending love <3

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financial anon (new)

hi cas, i want to complain about my mother for a bit :(

she and my dad don’t have very high paying jobs, and we live in a pretty expensive area to live in, but we still have enough to live a comfortable life

however recently we’ve had less money and my mom seems to keep getting pissed at me for it (for context i cannot remember the last time i used her money for did something she needed to pay for other then like eating and shower ig)

my younger brother does THREE sports throughout the year and is also in boy scouts. the actual activities and equipment cost so much, and honestly that’s the reason we haven’t had as much money in the past few years

however, it’s always me she comes complaining to, never him. and it makes me so mad.

she complains about money when she should just idk take my brother out of one of his three sports??

and then she says she doesn’t have a favorite child like bsfr

oh and then of course when she’s mad about money she takes her anger out on us (not psychically but like verbally)

i have felt like a financial burden ever since i was eight becuse of her and she sometimes just makes me so angry

idk this rant probably doesn’t make much sense but yeah

Hi!

I'm so sorry your mom is taking those stresses out on you. You're right, it's not your responsibility or your fault. And while I do think it's probably a bit more complicated than just taking your brother out of sports, it shouldn't be something that you have to worry about.

I'm guessing you're the oldest? I feel like it's very common that parents pick one child, usually the oldest, to sort of...turn into the third parent. But that's not fair to you at all. And it's NOT your job to worry about those things. Is your mom the type of person who would get mad if you said something like "I'm a kid, so I don't really understand a lot of this finances stuff, maybe you can talk to x about it?" next time she talk to you? Because like....she really should be talking to an adult about it.

Sending love!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - April 10

Outlet anon, outed anon, snape anon (new), episode anon (new), first binder anon

Outlet anon

My trauma wasn't even that bad.

Why am I so fucked up?

Why can't I believe someone would ever care about me?

Why did the world give up on me before I was old enough to spell my name?

How did I survive myself?

-outlet

Hi <3 I need you to remember that a lot of these thoughts are your brain messing with you. You are not fucked up and your trauma is valid. People DO care, and there are people who believe in you <3 and you WILL survive.

I got 100/100 on the research paper from a few weeks ago!!!!!

COngratulations!!! This is truly impressive. Want to write my papers for me? lol

Hey Cas, Outlet anon here.

I have a bio exam in a couple hours that I'm probably going to fail, but oh well. I gave up on studying two minutes in and I've already used up my medication for today.

'No beta we die like men' but it's my GPA

I'll let you know how it goes <3

-

Hey Cas, Outlet anon here.

I got 98/104!!

HA! PROOF! Sometimes, your brain is lying to you and telling you bad things about yourself that aren;t true. Obviously, you're very smart and capable of hard things. I'm so proud of you!

______

Outed anon

Hello Cas, Its Outed Anon here!

I have a pretty light ask but this is something ive been trying to work out recently.

Basically I have a friend - lets call her A for the record - and she's a really nice person! Like a motherly-ironic type. However, no matter how nice she is, she has actually no filter in what she says. Whatever she thinks she will say. While this is a good thing a problem i (and other friend K) have with her is that she never says nice things like that. For example, we all have a mutual friend who is really into her. Not only romantically but also as a person and he geniuenly cares about her and her opinion. His parents are divorced and he has two sisters so his mom works extra hard to afford the food and everything. Because of that she works late hours and the house isnt messy but its a bit chaotic (it actually is far from being messy but theres just a lot of things happening). But his house is really comfy and its our place to just chill. When he wanred to invite us over for his BIRTHDAY she said she wont come because (in her opinion) his house holds (and here i quote) "bad energy" & its dirty. (Its really not)

Im a pagan so im into witchcraft anf the house was really fine, so im not sure where the comment came from but it was very hurtfull for him.

Another thing is that she really likes helping. Shes the type of person to help a random girl whos crying on the street. Its really sweet but it is a bit annoying. Example: i did my homework badly because i really wanted to be done with it and she asked if she can copy it. I gave it to her but didnt really want to because (as i mentioned) it was done wrong (which she knew about) and because last time i gave her homework she gave it to other people which did made fun of me so i was taken aback. Again as i feared she gave the BADLY done homework to other students in out class. I asked her why did she do it if i asked her last time not to do so and she just said she doesnt thinj she did anything bad. After all she just helped our friends by giving them homework. Except it was mine and i didnt want to share cause IT WAS WRONG.

Yeah so i basically wanted to ask for advice how to gently imply to her that her actions & words are actually hurting people and she doesn't realise it. She also never apologise on her own and when she does say 'sorry' then its only because me or K told her she was rude and she just should admit to that.

Ok this was longer then i expected. Hope your week goes well & youre healthy BYE

(ALSO CHAPTER 11 OF TSATS??? ATE?? I LOVED IT SO MUCH)

Hi! Thank you for the love!

Honestly, this is the type of thing that you have to be honest about. You have to tell your friend that she's hurting people. I mean, you can even show her a version of what you wrote here, or tell her something similar: That you know she's caring and likes to help, but sometimes her actions hurt. I know you're afraid of upsetting her, but the alternative is that she continues to act this way, you continue to get hurt, and your friendship eventually fails. It's okay to be honest with people when they've hurt you <3 Just make sure to sit her down and approach the conversation seriously so she knows you're serious. If she gets angry from there, then it might be a sign to take a step back from the friendship.

Sending love!

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Snape anon (TW: SA mention)

I'm so confused right now.. so I just saw a Pro Snape post and it was about the prank and how the Marauders were wrong and everything right cool,but my problem is the post had "SA is wrong no matter the victim" (which true) and basically the Marauders fans are protecting perpetrators. And I'm confused cause I've never read the books, so I don't know the exact specifics of the prank, but I've never heard anything about SA up until now. Was everyone not talking about this, or is the person who made this post just lying, or maybe I didn't understand the post?? I don't know. Please clarify if you know what's going on here. I'm so confused.

Hi!

Yeah, I like to think I have a pretty good knowledge of canon and the marauders never SA'd anyone, nor did Snape SA anyone. They were all awful to each other in canon, absolutely, but not like that. The main instance in the books that I can think of is that Merope, Voldemort's mother, used love potion to seduce Tom Senior, Voldemort's father, which a lot of people consider SA. But yeah...people can correct me if I'm wrong, but I can't think of anything. I'm wondering if maybe they were making a comparison? Like saying bullying is wrong, no matter the victim, just like SA is wrong, no matter the victim? Which...bullying is wrong, a thousand percent, but comparing it to SA is wild, imo.

Edited to add: okay someone wrote in to remind me that in the fifth book, in the chapter titled "Snape's Worst Memory" when Harry sees James and Sirius bullying Snape, there is a moment when they have him upside-down and they take off his pants with magic. They then threaten to (but Harry never finds out if they actually) take off Snape's underwear. I re-read it to double check. According to wikipedia, which I acknowledge can often be wrong, "Pantsing, also known as depantsing, debagging, dacking, flagging, sharking, and scanting, is the act of pulling down a person's trousers and sometimes underpants, typically as a practical joke or a form of bullying." It also says "Pantsing can be used as a form of bullying and is technically the crime of simple assault." So it looks like legally, pantsing someone is considered a form of simple assault, not SA. At most, if the intentions were different, it sounds like it might be considered sexual harassment.

I have mixed feelings because I'm not a survivor of SA, so I can;t completely understand. So part of me wants to argue that this is not SA, and saying it is minimizes actual instances of SA. BUT given this context, I can see why someone might personally feel like this is SA because it is very exposing. Legal definitions aside, it was a very horrible and violating thing to do, obviously. I'm open to hearing thoughts, but please send them to my DMs, not in the comments here!

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episode anon

congrats to me ik it isn’t that big of a deal but today i saw the “This episode contains (redacted) and may be upsetting for some readers.” and decided that I should not read the episode at that time.

I always thought that the TWs were for ppl with traumas or severe problems or phobias but today I decided that, yes, this thing upsets me and I probably shouldn't read it at 6:30 am

This IS a big deal! Trigger warnings are for everyone and you did amazing setting a healthy boundary for yourself! Awesome job!

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first binder anon

hi!

so funny story i’m kinda out to my parents now

not entirely by choice

it’s kinda complicated, but my moms coworker basically used my new name to her (assuming she knew) because i’m friends with her son.

but it went ok enough

my parents were very nice about it, i think my mom was upset that her friend knew before she did and before i told her (which like— im not super happy about either) but like as far as these things go it went pretty well.

my binder hasn’t come yet (it’s supposed to come in 1-2 weeks, i think it was just shipped?) but i’m really excited!

- first binder anon

Hi! I'm so glad your parents reacted okay, but I'm really sorry the decision to come out was taken from you. That's really frustrating, no matter what the result was, and it's okay to feel upset about it.

Keep me updated, I can't wait to hear about the binder!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - March 4

@residentdisaster, confirm anon (new), panromantic anon, comparing anon, outed anon

@residentdisaster

Omg I just remembered this absolutely AMAZING original WIP I came up with last year

I abandoned it (after planning the whole first book, and part of the SECOND???) because I’d incorporated magic and realized that I (at the very least for my sake) have to flesh out a magic system

But I made damn near all the (major) characters some type of LGBTQ+ and now if I go back to it I lowkey wanna make the one cishet guy have like bi awakening or smth

I kinda like wanna go back and pick it up cause I still have the doc for it but idk if I have the motivation

I was wondering if you have any tips for writing/working out a magic system? Or keeping up the motivation to write?

If I do end up writing it I’m planning on putting it on Ao3

Honestly I've never made up my own magic system before but looking at JKR's mistakes, I'd try to think of all of the rules FIRST. All of the exceptions to rules, all of the ways the rules can and cannot be broken, all of the ways the magic could ruin the plot, etc. Because like...time travel can really leave a gaping plot hole.

As far as motivation, I like writing a little each day and tracking my time! It keeps me on task and excited! trackbear is a great website to track your words!

This sounds like an amazing idea, I hope you do more with it!

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Confirm anon

Hey, Cas

Are we supposed to use She and They interchangeably for people who use those pronouns?

I'm sort of new to all this, so I just need to confirm.

Thanks in advance

Sometimes! Sometimes people with more than one set of pronouns like them used in different circumstances or when they're feeling different ways. The best thing to do is to ask. I promise, asking isn't offensive, it's actually super kind to make sure you're resecting someone's wishes.

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Panromantic anon

I have three brothers, did I ever say that? (Panromantic anon and her stupid issues with his family, thanks)

It sucks to be the one who has to stay behind.

My youngest brother is 9 years older than me.

I only feel alive when one of them comes to visit once a year for a week.

Thanks for listening my problem, I know it's stupid. I shouldn't be dependent on my older brothers, it's not their responsibility. But my cage is prettier when I have them around.

And I realized I can't make a normal opening for my life wtf sorry

Hi!

I don't think it's stupid and I don't think it's being dependent, either. Siblings can understand like few other people can, and having to deal with family without them isn't fun. Have you tried reaching out to them when things are tough? I know you say it's not their responsibility, but I know if one of my siblings reached out to me, I would be more than willing to help them because I care <3

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comparing anon

HIYA, comparing anon here!!

thank you for your advice and tbh i agree that communication is so important in friendships, i just have no idea how to tell her without coming across as selfish? because i dont want to invalidate her and make it about myself? also our friendship has in the past been rocky?? and we use to argue a bit and didnt talk to each other for nearly a year, but we got passed all of that and im scared if i bring this up she's going to take it as me complaining or starting an argument. i dont even know at this point. its also a bad time to send a message about this because someone at our school had a 'medical emergency' and is at the hospital/ ICU and she's really upset about it , so i feel like sending smth now would be really unfair of me.

Hi!

I agree timing is important and it might be good to wait a few days, but I don't think you should put it off forever. If you don't say anything, you're just allowing the resentment to build, and you're not really enjoying the friendship, you know? And that's not a real friendship.

What if you try writing something before you say it? You could even send it to me first. That way you're confident you're not coming off as too invalidating?

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outed anon

So my parents remembered they have an introverted child with social anxiety (me) and decided to send me to a public place (trampolines and shit) forcing me to exercise in front of others my age 😍😍 (one of my biggest fears) (they knew im scared) (they wasted their money i sat in the corner through the whole thing too scared to stand up😃👍)

Outed anon here btw hi

that sounds awful. Did they at least let you bring a friend with you?