My SpideyNova fic for spideynova week day 7. Sorry it’s late. Enjoy copious amounts of fluff and transcanons.
Now that he's been with the team for almost a year, been in New York for almost a year, and been away from every normal human he's ever know for over two, he can't remember what it feels like. He doesn't remember how to act or what to look like, doesn't remember the little quirks that built the person Carefree Arizona thought they knew. He can't remember what being Samantha feels like.
To be fair he doesn't want to. He loves his new life, and is so very, very, grateful that S.H.E.I.L.D. took him in and accepted him, all of him, for who he was. But he was under no delusions that people in Carefree wouldn't recognize him simply because he'd been away for two years and was more confident.
Why alien space junk had landed in Carefree of all places, he had no idea. Just like he had no idea why this had to happen when the avengers were busy so his team had to be called up. The universe was out to get him. He was sure of it.
Fury had offered to let him stand down for the mission, but tactically even he knew that was stupid. He was the only one on the team with any knowledge of space. The only one who'd spent a sizeable amount of time off planet. There was no doubt in him mind that he was going. He wouldn't be a liability to his team. He wouldn't let them die because he left them without their resident expert on alien technology and intergalactic politics. But damn if he wanted them to find out like this.
He was pretty sure Ava, Luke, and Danny already knew. They worked and lived at S.H.E.I.L.D. together, and despite being a spy agency, or perhaps because of it, secret were had to keep there. Peter on the other hand... well he was pretty sure his boyfriend wouldn't make fun of him. But that raised another question, how was he supposed to tell Peter without angering him that he had kept this from him? Dammit all to hell.
"Hey," his voice was soft as he breathed out, curling more into Peter's side to draw as much comfort from him while he still could. Maybe Peter wouldn't hear him, maybe his voice was too muffled by Peter's shirt, maybe he could avoid this whole conversation indefinitely.
That wasn't to be though, if Peter's slight jerk of his head and soft "hmm" was any indication.
"You know that missing we have tomorrow?" Stupid, of course he did they'd just been briefed on in this morning.
Another low hum of agreement.
"Well you know where it is, right?"
Peter's eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "33.8272° N, 111.9236° W? What does that? ...Sam?" He felt Peter shift next to him. Swivel around so they were facing one another.
He nodded, afraid his word would betray him. Come on Webs, use that brain of yours and connect the dots so I don't have to. "Outskirts of Phoenix, Arizona. The nearest town is Carefree." The way he looked at Sam, Sam could see the unspoken "why" dancing on his lips.
"I..." He chocked, and loathe as he was to admit it, if it wasn't for Peter's hand on his shoulder grounding him he wouldn't have been able to continue. "I was born there." There! He'd done it. Take that anxiety and self deprecation.
On any other day the way Peter's eyes widened comically, would have made him break down laughing and fueled him with mocking for years. "You're worried about going back?" Sam simply nodded again, a sharp incline of his head that betrayed his anxiety.
"Is it seeing your family. I thought you still talked to them." He did talk to them. His mother and sister were the best. Honestly. They'd been so supportive, even when his means of escape were running away from the planet for a year and a half and that moving to New York.
"It's not them. It's..." How did he say this? "I was born there, but I wasn't born there." Fuck that didn't really didn't make any sense.
It was a soft "oh" and a warm smile of understanding that meets his failure explanation. Sometimes he really was grateful to have a boyfriend that constantly butchered the English language.
"You're worried they won't like who are now.? That they won't accept your transition?"
The word stuck itself in Sam's brain. He blinked in shock. How did he..? Peter could either read minds or was reading him like a book because he laughed softly. "Dude, you slept on my floor for a month and a half; how would I not know?"
"Why didn't you..."
"Because it's not important to me, but I'd figured it was to you and that you'd tell me when you were ready."
An audible sigh of relief and he collapsed into Peter's chest, the pent of anxiety and adrenaline he'd be running on evaporating. "I... Thanks"
He didn't even bother shrugging Peter off when the arm wrapped around. "no problem. You can always stay in costume as our back up if you're worried."
Sam snorted. "Why would I be would worried when I have you to defend my ass Webs?" He shouldn't be deflecting. He knew that, but it was just too easy to let old habits die hard.
Peter grinned, "and what a fine one it is. But seriously you gonna be okay? Because if anyone gives you shit, I'm not opposed to digging up their address and scaring a little sense into 'em." The grin on his face shifted into something more feral, and Sam couldn't help but bask in the knowledge that it was him, only him, that could bring out this side of Peter.
"Webs..." He shoved Peter playfully. "Thanks. But honestly, I'm fine." Peter cocked an eyebrow at him. "Really. Anyone in carefree doesn't like me, fuck 'em. I haven't been their in two years, and I'm me now. Nothing's gonna change that." He trailed off, voice lowering. "I think I was mostly just worried about you."
"I trust you Sam, and I'm pretty sure I might love you too. Nothing in your past is gonna change that, ok?"
