I have realized that life is not always as I seemed it would be, I have high expectation of life atleast I used to, but as time goes by it shatters and is diminished over, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds. Over events that occure and I ask why? Why must I be affected by such fragile news? Why must I care? And well I kno I must because its only normal for me to care.. I am human.. I want to say a diffrent type of human... I'm that type of human that will be stepped.on as often as you can step on a mat and you know what?! That mat is still there for you to whipe you "humble" feet as often as u desire... I usually don't care for my own but others... I want to see smiles in the world because I know its possible, I know that if I help in some sort I make somewhat of a difference, atleast I believe I can.... But I want to be selfish now and say when is it my turn to be helped upon?? When will that hand reach out toward me and say here hold my hand and don't let go, everything will be peachy.. I have yet to find that hand of wonder.. and it sadens me. It truely does, between the 19 years of life I have yet to find my meaning of it all, I have yet to.find the reason for my.existence, I'm not just a female popping offspring. Hell no!. I want to make a difference I want my life to be meaningful toward I! I want love amd compassion from the ones I truely care about, I want lust, care, love,compassion, comprehension, admiration, in over all I want to receive Respect. As I give out, I want to find my other half as they say in Spanish, "Mi media Naranja" the type of person who surprises me with flowers once in a while cuz that person knows flowers blow me away preferably to be sunflowers or birds of paradise man that would melt my heart! Or the fact that it may be my birthday and I get a tomato with a bow! I'd love it because tomatoes their my favorite! It's small cheezy shit I love that would be perfect,, yet I keep finding my half piece of shit lately,, in which won't treasure what I offer, they take it for granted, they oversee what it is I give, my heart and soul? Mind amd body?? Not enough huh?! It seems like the world is looking more for objects and luxuries instead of the simple humble meaningful givings one can give... I'm not rich but when in need not I but my other I try and spend and give my all to please and make them happy... I found out that I shouldnt, I shouldn't be out and about giving and spending to those who don't cherish me for me but they cherish me for cash... It seems hopeless to have hopes for something that did not contain hope in the first place correct? Or did that not make sense? Cuz it did to me... All I know is I hate everything that moves I hate the living for they seem happy but I inside I'm a rot. I have bitterd throughout time, thanks to humanity, expectations no longer do I have them, compleately have they disappeared, so now I believe I shud walk with my head high? And care less of what it is the world has to offer me now? And just walk, I am the living dead.. I roam the world with no soul atleast no longer carrying a soul, for my body, that's the only thing I am... I'll be used, ill be convinced that love, life, and happiness was not ment for me... Thank you humans for the shatters, and the kills, over and over again. -Linda..