I met Eric Fanali at MAGFest 11 (January of 2013.) He didn't give me the greatest impression—he was quiet, stared at me a little too intently, and spent a lot of time looming while I interacted with people I already knew. But my friends introduced him warmly and seemed comfortable around him, so I let my guard down a little. If my friends were enthusiastic about him he couldn't be all that bad, right?
At some point over the course of conversation, it came to light I had been Facebook friends with him for quite some time. I had added him due to several mutual friends based out of San Francisco. After MAGFest ended I found out I would be returning to San Francisco for that year's GDC (March of 2013.) Fanali expressed an interest in meeting up while I was in town and I accepted. He told me he wanted to keep our plans a surprise because I seemed like "a mutual adventurer" and "that I would be into something like that." Honestly that was a pretty spot on assessment and I became excited about getting to have a unique experience while I was in a city I don't visit very often. I thought I didn't have anything to be concerned about and that I was simply going to have a fun time with a like-minded individual.
In the weeks leading up to my trip, it started to become apparent that Fanali might have thought our meet-up was actually a date. I have been in a long-term monogamous relationship that spanned this time period, and when I expressed my worries my boyfriend echoed my concern. I had clearly communicated my relationship status to Fanali already, but I started to make plans to reenforce to Fanali that this was to be a platonic interaction upon seeing him in person in case our online interactions were somehow unclear.
When Fanali and I met up in San Francisco I made excessive mention of my boyfriend immediately. I brought up my boyfriend's existence three times within fifteen minutes to drive the message home, including the fact that we were presently living together. Unfortunately Fanali was completely undeterred and it became clear very quickly this interaction was intended as a romantic date. Fanali took me to a nice restaurant where he began posturing his connections in an attempt to impress me. He said he had a friend on waitstaff there, and at the end of the meal the friend supposedly comped dessert.
This was the beginning of a strange, reoccurring theme that came up several times over the course of my time with Fanali. He would oscillate wildly between the idea that he was incredibly lonely and that he was best friends with everyone. He'd lament that he felt isolated, that he had no one he felt close with, and that most people were just trying to use him for his connections established through booking shows. Then if I brought up folks in local communities that I knew he'd excitedly tell me about how well he knew that person and that they had been friends for years. I guess he couldn't make up his mind as to whether or not he wanted to draw me in with a sad sob story or impress me with all the cool interesting people he was close with. Either way it was clear he was trying to use manipulative tactics to both impress me and make himself seem available to me.
The "surprise adventure" ended up being tickets to see The Specials. This would have been a really cool gesture if Fanali hadn't spent the entire show trying to touch my lower back. I was very uncomfortable and spent a lot of time trying to get out of arm's reach, but he would just follow me and continue trying to touch me. I was stuck near him, trying to enjoy one of my favourite bands while also hoping desperately for the show to end so I could get away from him. When the show finally ended he continued trying to touch my lower back and I began speed-walking away to prevent him from doing so, so he literally chased me with his arm outstretched in front of him as he tried to touch me. His desperation to make physical contact with me was both hilarious and horrifying.
Once we were out of the venue I was stuck in a very unfortunate position. I wanted to get away from Fanali as soon as possible, but it was very late in a city I was unfamiliar with. I felt even less safe walking back to where I was staying alone, I could not afford a cab, and I was unable to reach out to anyone with a car who could come pick me up. So I very firmly told Fanali that my feet hurt, I was tired, and I wanted to go straight back to where he had picked me up. Fanali agreed, but then took me on a route back that took twice as long as it should have. He showed me a couple of things, including a pretty local landmark, then took me up a hill in a park after dark to show me the Full House house. I was terrified. I was trying not to stand close enough that he could touch me, but knew I couldn't walk back alone. I'm confident he was trying to get me into a private, vaguely romantic setting so that he could make a serious move on me. Fortunately I remained guarded enough that it was impossible. When I finally made it back to safety, Fanali suggested that maybe we could meet up again later in the week. I made an excuse and left him, deciding that I would never allow myself to be alone with him ever again.
After that I started taking active steps to avoid Fanali on the various social media networks I had been interacting with him on. This did not stop him from being aggressive with his communications any time he thought I would be in the area. In the following year I announced I'd be going to LA for an event (January of 2014) and Fanali reached out to me to let me know that he hadn't been planning on attending, but now that he knew I'd be there he was definitely going to go. He also began aggressively inviting me to Rockage in a way that was beyond reasonable. I straight away told him that I was unable to attend due to financial constraints, but he continued to bother me about finding a way to San Jose as well as constantly tagging me in social media posts related to the event. I started freaking out and began telling all of our mutual friends to interrupt if they noticed I was stuck speaking to him alone during my time in L.A. To my relief I was able to avoid Fanali pretty easily by keeping busy with my work and staying close to my friends, but unfortunately I have still found myself in unavoidable interactions with Fanali as recently as last week. He even continues to monitor my social media presence, and messaged me a few days ago about my upcoming plans to return to GDC.
As I began telling my story to more of my West Coast friends I started finding out that this was pretty standard behavior for Fanali and began to uncover the bigger story. With Rockage upon us, I'm particularly worried for those who might not be aware of his pattern behaviors. People like Fanali thrive in environments where folks are too confused to share their stories. Information is an incredibly powerful weapon against someone like him, which is why I want my experiences out in the open so that others can know how to avoid ending up in a similar position.
It is worth noting that now that Rockage is under the MAGFest umbrella there is a new resource available for those who may feel uncomfortable. Official policy states "MAGFest takes a very strong stance against harassment, and the safety and security of all attendees is one of our top priorities." If anyone makes a Rockage attendee feel uncomfortable, even if it's Fanali, there are people available who will take action on your behalf. Boycotting is only part of the solution, protecting people is also super important. My goal is not only to share what happened to me but to let people know that, should they choose to attend Rockage, there will be people they can reach out to if anything happens to them.
Please be safe this weekend.
-EMi