it's kind of a wild experience to notice an improvement in some aspects on my health after doing treadmill stuff consistently for 2 months now but to Also still have capacity for Bad Mystery Health Ailment Episodes where i'm exceedingly fatigued and exhausted no matter what i do
like ya i'm doing the same exact routine. same exact treadmill routines, eating mindfully and basically eating the same foods. ya this worked for months just fine. it helped me be more productive than i've been in years. it made me forget to some degree that the undiagnosed health bullshit was an Issue, or maybe deluded me into thinking i could dance around it with diet and exercise. like ah maybe that really was the key.....maybe.....But Suddenly now my health has dipped again and it's like...
previously i would wake up at a humane time of day, have breakfast, get stretches in, do the treadmill for a few hours, stretches again, shower, lunch, work on art, make dinner, work on art again and sleep at a decent enough time. i had a lot of improvements with stamina and other things, was able to handle raising the speed on the treadmill and no longer ached at all from doing it
now i'm like. waking up later than i'm comfortable with, force myself to have breakfast, still do stretches/treadmill/stretches/shower (though a bit less time on treadmill) but then i'm just immediately out of commission for the entire rest of the day. like today--didn't have lunch or dinner because my body was just so exhausted and i knocked out. i want to work on art but i can't! i want to cook, but i can't. even though i'm upright writing this, my body wants so bad to Not Be because fatigue is pulling on it so heavily, still, even after a 4 hour "nap". i'm back in a loop of waking up still tired and chronic pains are filtering back in and i'm just frustrateddddddd aaaaaaaaa
like on one hand it's a bit validating that diet and exercise really Isn't the solution, maybe some more proof to myself one way or another that something is wrong on a level deeper than self-neglect. (a fact i tend to sometimes convince myself out of because my current doctor is very insistent that i'm perfectly fine and healthy because tests have come back clear) ((this is at great disregard for the tests that Haven't been clear)). but on the Other hand, it is maybe somewhat depressing that diet and exercise really isn't the solution. i can't dig Myself out of this and thus i am still reliant on doctors who more or less cannot give less of a shit to try and help get my life back.
and all of this has had me just mentally drifting lately, as i think yet again about the time that's been taken from me so far because i can't fight against my failing health no matter what i do
in other news, though, in an attempt to grip the silver line, my friends have helped me piece together something my doctor has overlooked for years and i am hoping to get a new doctor soon and Maybe start to look in the right places with someone who has at least a shred of respect for this thing i've been experiencing for almost 6 years now
