#ev014

[ahiijny]

when i took art in high school, one of the things we had to do was art critiques. basically put up our arts in front of the class and then share objective critiques of each other's works, with suggestions for improvement etc.

i remember dreading this part because (steven voice) *emotional damage*

especially with works you created, it's easy to be overly emotionally and personally invested in it. makes sense, it's something you created, only natural for you to want to own and and be proud of it. but because of this, anything negative aimed at it can be particularly distressing, because it feels like a personal attack on you and your self worth and your skill, and it's common to have an overly defensive reaction to such comments

so it's always important to remember, you are not your works. you created your works, but you can always create something better in the future.

it's kind of similar with programming. when you put up a code review with suggested changes to merge into develop branch and then the senior dev on your team just puts comments everywhere tearing it to shreds

except like the majority of the time they arent actually rude about it or anything, it just can feel like that. but really, the both of you are collaborating on making an improvement to the codebase, and you shouldn't be distressed at all. the code is the code, not you. you improve the code. that's it.

anyway that's easy to say and all but much harder to internalize. but after going through these processes many times, it gets easier.

the other thing to remember is context and expectations. often conflict can arise when there is a dissonance in expectations. e.g. the expectations in an interaction on a code review or a professional art critique is very different from the expectations of a comment on an fanart that someone posts on social media as a means of self-expression in hobby.

i think at least some of this dissonance is happening between papa shinonome and ena. maybe the harshness and bluntness is what he is used to in a professional art environment. but ena is not that. she's aiming for there, that's for sure, but papa shinonome is going a bit too strong too early with that i fear

at the end of insatiable pale colour, her dad compliments the light and dark contrast in her work, and makes a comment about the girl's worries vanishing, implying his understanding of the message that ena was trying to convey. he then follows it up with a rather blunt critique of the colour balance

ena seems to receive this criticism much better than than any of the other previous comments from her dad. she initially responds with a "why that jab!" after her dad walks out, but then actually doesn't disagree with the critique on the colour balance, and goes to fix up the colours a bit more.

it could be that she is a better place mentally, after just having received encouragement and support from her friends in N25. it could also be that she receives the critique a bit better when it is couched after a positive feedback first. (that's actually one of the things they taught us, the art critique sandwich. positive, then negative, then positive. papa shinonome doesn't follow it up with another positive feedback but eh close enough)

i think it's a bit of both.

but i think this demonstrates that papa shinonome's "throw her in the deep end with the harshness of the professional art world to try and protect her from it" isnt the best approach. see, she can improve at art! see, she can receive valid criticism without throwing a tantrum and improve upon it! but she's still young, she's still learning and maturing, so a gentler beginning can be more beneficial for her growth in the long run

walk before run, etc.

anyway i just think it's funny that akito is more insightful about parenting and what ena needs than their own dad 😭

[ahiijny]

insatiable pale colour thoughts

unedited 4am rambles

ok so papa shinonome's bright eyed daughter goes up to him and asks him for advice on which fine arts high school to apply to. she looks up to him and wants to do art just like him! and he point blank just shuts her down saying it's not a good idea "you have no talent" 😭😭😭

my man

like, I can kinda understand his thought process, twisted and jaded as it may be. the art world is brutal and competitive and he's probably trying to protect her from that world

but you don't have to be that blunt. he's treating her like he would a fully grown, professional artist who asked for that kind of harsh critique, and not a young child still figuring out what she wants in this world. you could use a bit more tact...

is it that hard to sit her down with a cautionary, "the art world isn't easy, there will be lots of struggles and hardships ahead. there will be thousands of people who are more talented than you, and you will have to work extra hard to keep up with them. are you prepared for that?"

in reality there will be people who will more naturally pick up a skill than others. but that's not even the most important part. if you see someone super skilled and talented it's easy to assume theyre just naturally gifted, but in practice you have to put a ton of practice and effort into getting that good.

maybe not everyone can be like a international top level athlete or musician or composer or writer or whatever. there will always be someone better than you, and there will be heights you will not be able to reach even with infinite practice and effort invested. but even if you are not a natural at something, if you practice it enough, you can get pretty darned good. I think papa shinonome is perhaps a bit too jaded by his own experiences in the art world, and is projecting that onto ena. it's way too early to judge whether you can be pro level or not that early. surely.

you can see papa shinonome's approach when ena considers entering that art contest, too. the contest will attract many pro level submissions, so winning anything is unlikely. but if you're ok with that, feel free to submit something. that's what he told ena.

now for someone like me that might actually be somewhat reassuring. I think I might actually lean too far in the other direction. I tend to be sensitive to rejection or failure, and mentally protect myself by setting my expectations way low. when someone compliments me, I feel vaguely uneasy, and usually try to disagree?? which is kinda crazy when you think about it. just take the compliment (I'm trying to be better about that more recently 😭😭)

for someone like ena, however, that's exactly the opposite kind of support she needs. she needs positive reinforcement and encouragement to build up her confidence. to ena, the preemptive kind of result shielding that papa shinonome does a lot is actively discouraging and harmful.

I actually really like they way they portray akito in this story, and the supportive role he plays. from an outsider looking in, if all you saw was out of context memes or clips, you might think that all ena and akito do is fight and bicker with each other. but actually they do care a lot about each other, even if they are reluctant to be too obvious about it.

sure you have the bossy older sister trying to get her younger brother to get something from the fridge for her, and the younger brother rolling his eyes and refusing. huffy exchanges, not that many interactions, and so on

but when ena is trashing up her room and akito barges in to get her to quiet down, he quickly sets aside the issue of the loudness and instead immediately focuses in on her. he asks her if she's sure if she wants to throw art stuff away, because he knows it's important to her, and is pretty sure she will regret it

akito also has a talk with papa shinonome later on as well about his words to ena, and hits the nail on the head: he should try responding less like an art critic, and more like a father.

and ena does come down later to apologize to akito about lashing out at him

like. not to get too personal I've been witness to a fair share of arguments and fights. if someone apologizes of their own volition without being forced to, that's like. pretty good actually. a lot of the time people are just super stubborn and never back down or admit fault 😭 (maybe my standards are just too low...)

in the last episode. papa shinonome is looking at ena's new artwork, and ends up actually complimenting it. but then critiques the colour choice. given his track record, I'm doubtful he would lie just to make her feel better. he's far too stubborn for that, and I'm also doubtful that akito's words would cause him to change his approach, because that would mean admitting his approach up until now was wrong, and he doesn't seem like the kind of person to admit that to himself so easily. but maybe in his own way, he's trying to be supportive to ena, as emotionally and socially constipated as he is

I think the thought of "wanting to do things for attention" is kind of like "wanting to do work to earn money". if you go into a job interview and say "I would like to do this job because I need money to pay rent and buy food and survive" and not "I am SUPER passionate" etc. then they may give you the side eye. like, it's true to some degree, but somewhat taboo to mention

I agree with Mafuyu that wanting attention for what you do isn't a bad thing. that's from a value judgment perspective. I just think that from a pragmatic, effectiveness perspective, it's less reliable to rely solely on extrinsic motivation because it's so unreliable and spiky; you're vulnerable to the whims of the algorithm tm, it can come and go, and so on and so forth. intrinsic motivation can be far more reliable to help get you through rough patches.

but it's not bad to want more than just intrinsic motivation, humans are social creatures after all, and recognition and attention for what you do is always nice.

I'm glad that ena has a friend group who give her the encouragement and support she needs c: