Prompt #11: Ultracrepidarian
“The thing you have to remember is, Pika, while your form is right on point, your style doesn’t really fit the music. The music is all about grand and sweeping gestures. You, my dearest little thing, are turning the song into something baudy. It’s not that this is bad,” and here the Hellsguard Roegadyn leaned in and shared a conspiratorial wink to the dancer, “I quite enjoy it, Pika. Ah ha ha ha ha. I just do not believe it is fitting for the composition.”
Argent rolled his eyes as he listened to the conversation. He was here to meet with his latest date, and his new ‘project.’ He was quite excited to get down to it.
“I’m very wealthy, you know, Pika, so I do know quite a lot about things like this. Why not sit on my lap? You can order whatever you like, your boss said we had the entire night together. You know you really should smile more…”
The Roe really could carry on. Argent then spotted her. Sleek and well made, Valencia flitted about like a bumble bee as she approached him. “Argent,” she said, “Shit.”
Argent coughed as the drone Evander had created hovered in front of him just over the table. He really wondered if what she said was random sometimes.
He also wondered when he had changed from referring to ‘it’ as ‘she.’ That was not a conscious decision he had realized he had made. “Hello, Valencia,” Argent said with a grin, then he stopped and frowned. Why was he trying to charm a drone?
“Hello. Hello. Argent. Shit.” Argent waved a hand as if trying to handle an unruly prison guard and hush her up.
“No no, Valencia, none of that now. Look, I wanted you to try learning something for me, ok?” And he took out of a deck of cards, and shuffled them in front of her. He pulled out all the stops. He started with the blackjack shuffle, moving along to the strip, then the Ala Mighan, and finally Sea Swallows All. Valencia had bobbed there, whirring and saying nothing.
Argent paused and regarded her again. It had taken a while to implant himself on her. He had been making excuses to talk to her and engage her for a while now when Evander allowed it. When he had finally told her, ‘Meet me at the Gold Saucer tomorrow at exactly three’ he had really hoped she would appear.
Here she was, but now he realized since he hadn’t shared his plan and concept with Evander exactly, he wasn’t even sure how to properly train her. Was she getting any of this?
“Valencia, are you getting this? The idea is to memorize these. You’ll be counting cards. See this King? If we get him over to under the ten here in the shuffle,” Argent did this effortlessly, “You’ll always know where he is. I’m thinking we can work out some kind of blinking light system…” he mused out loud.
Valencia whirled, and then repeated, “Argent. Idiot. Counting Cards. Get Him. Shit.”
Argent waved his hands again, looking around, “Quiet! Valencia quiet, not so LOUD, Thall’s Belaboring Balls,” he muttered harshly. He worried maybe this was getting away from him.
“How do I explain this? Ok, don’t repeat my words until I say. Alright?” Valencia hovered and clicked. He took that as an affirmative. “Use your processing power or… aether fuel… or crystals, or something, I’m sure it’s something like that, to focus on the cards. I don’t know how you see things, but if we can work out a blinking light system, I’m sure you can have a code for each card, and you can then both tell where cards are in the deck, and even maybe report back to us what hands people have?”
Argent continued, over-explaining in his excitement, “Sure it’s a grand scheme, but they’re all grand at some point, right? Might as well ask the cobbler if he’s ever made too many shoes. If I can get this idea to stick into your brain or whatever, we’re also a shoe in for that tournament! HAH! Ok, let’s try again,” And he repeated his shuffling tricks.
Valencia bobbed up and down in the air and stated, “Cobbler. Stick. Too. Your. Shoes,” Argent froze as he shuffled, staring at the drone. He narrowed his eyes at her. Was she (no it, it!) making fun of him?
“Argent. Grand. Scheme. All. Shit.” Valencia decided to further contribute.
Argent grunted and stood, “Come on, you’re very loud and this is getting us nowhere. Maybe I’ll carry you out of here and hit up Evander. Perhaps my knowledge of your inner workings isn’t… as robust as I hoped.”
Valencia bobbed, spun around, and then followed him past the table with the obnoxious Hellsguard. The affluent asshole was just finishing, “… and we wouldn’t want you to be a drunken disgrace my dear. The name Wayward Sun can not continually be associated with such scandalous behavior. I’ve had bad experiences you see, so if we examine the past case history, you’ll be able to tell…”
As they were heading to the exit, Valencia chimed in with, “Carry. On. My. Wayward Sun.”
Argent snorted laughter, realizing as he walked with the hovering creation that even he was not the authority on everything. Maybe it was a little humbling. Maybe he could respect what this drone had just taught him.
“Argent. Shit shit shit shit ˢʰᶦᵗ 𝒮𝒽𝒾𝓉 ֆɦɨȶ 𝕊𝕙𝕚𝕥 𝕾𝖍𝖎𝖙 Ⓢⓗⓘⓣ,” Valencia finished with this final contribution to his inner monologue.
Then again, maybe not.
(( Thanks to @dumb-hat for letting me borrow her… I mean it. And thanks to @luck-and-larceny) for allowing me to carry on this Wayward Sun fun.))
