when i think about hansung and evankhell as a ship i generally describe them as an effeminate bi man married a butch bi woman but have we ever stopped to consider: evanksung he/him lesbians?
EVANKHELL IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DUMBASS TO WRITE RIGHT AFTER WHITE I SWEAR
genre: crack
summary: Evankhell wanted to bake some cookies, but with her cooking abilities, and Hansung’s endless complaints, there was only one thing certain - it was going to be an absolute disaster.
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“It's not a good idea,” Hansung stated calmly as he saw Evankhell approaching the oven.
Her eyes were fixated on the weird substance she held in a bowl in her hands. “Cookies”, as she called it.
Evankhell furrowed her eyebrows, and mumbled. “So I can either bake it at 400 degrees for ten minutes, or 4000 degrees for one minute, right?” The color drained from Hansung's face upon hearing her words.
“Absolutely not!” During the last week Evankhell managed to burn down at least two kitchens while attempting to cook, and Hansung didn't feel like covering the expenses of another disaster. “Can't you follow the recipe for once? It exists for a reason.”
She turned her head to look at the man standing a few feet away from her, sipping a cup of instant coffee. Hansung wasn't too thrilled about Evankhell's new obsession with baking, but he couldn't stop her either.
“Following recipes is for losers, look!” she pointed at a piece of paper that included the proper temperature needed to bake the cookies. “It says to use 400 degrees for ten minutes, but what if I used my flames instead? It would be, like, 4,000,000 degrees for a minute. Way quicker, and my cookies will taste much better than that instant coffee of yours.”
Hansung almost spat his drink. First of all, how dare she insult his coffee? And second of all, he hoped she was joking.
“You can't be serious, can you?”
“Of course I'm serious.” Evankhell grinned as she found a baking sheet inside one of the cupboards. She poured the substance on it in small portions, so the liquid would start to resemble the shape of cookies. “It already looks delicious.”
The “cookies” had a lumpy texture, and if Hansung saw them for the first time, he'd think that someone mixed some dirt with water, and decided to call it a day. There was only one situation when refering to Evankhell's cooking as “food” was appropriate. It happened when you added “poisoning” after the term.
“I wouldn't put that anywhere near the oven if I were you,” Hansung advised her. “Your cookies look like a biological weapon.”
Evankhell gave him an amused look. “Funny, cause you're gonna be the one tasting them first.”
“No way!” he protested. Eating something made by Evankhell was equal with willingly drinking bleach. The only difference was that bleach wouldn't taste as bland.
Before Hansung could even notice, she put the baking sheet in the oven. The smell coming from it was horrendous. Hansung coughed, and quickly rushed to open the window.
“What the hell did you put in there?!”
She shrugged, and watched as the substance in the oven started poppling, and leaving a weird-colored foam. “It's boriiiing...” she yawned. “Let's speed it up!” A wild flame formed in Evankhell's palm, and it quickly found the way to embrace the baking cookies in its warmth. Hansung froze in bewilderment.
“Turn the oven off right now!” he shouted, but to no avail. Evankhell was in her element, and she couldn't stop now. The blond hurried to close his distance with the oven to prevent another catastrophy from happening. He pushed Evankhell aside, and quickly turned it off.
“That's it, I'm done!” he stated loudly while wiping off sweat from his forehead. The room was too hot, Evankhell was insane, and he wanted to have nothing to do with her horrendous baking skills.
She didn't pay much attention to his complainings. “You're no fun.” Evankhell opened the oven, and grabbed one of the cookies. With bare hands. She didn't even flinch. She turned to face Hansung with an unsettling smile. He knew what was about to happen. “Come here, little shit!”
Hansung swore he has never run for his life as fast as he had to now. Unfortunately, she caught up quickly. Hansung muttered his prayers as Evankhell forced a cookie into his mouth. Was this the way he's going to die? He knew he should have written down his last will earlier. Hansung chewed on the monstrosity in his mouth, and suddenly his eyes widened. “It's... eatable?”
Evankhell grinned with a look of victory on her face. “Told ya!”
“It still tastes a little off. Once again, what did you put in there?”
She looked at the ingredients she used, and froze. “Oh...” A look of realization showed in her eyes. “Do you remember when I tried to use baking soda to whiten some of my clothes?” A few days ago Evankhell found some stupid lifehacks ideas, and developed an obsession with testing everything out.
Hansung nodded, not sure what it had to do with anything.
“Well...”
“Well?”
She averted her gaze, and looked at the ceiling. “Turns out the packages of baking soda and laundry detergent look quite similar. And there's quite a chance I mistook those two for each other when baking.”
Hansung spat out the cookie, and began coughing to get rid of it all. “I fucking told you you're making a bio weapon!”
“Hey, at least I have some hobby other than complaining and bullying kids!”
“Poisoning people is now considered a hobby?!”
Evankhell huffed. Hansung was getting on her nerves. “You know what? I have an idea.”
He didn't like it. Evankhell's ideas usually ended up tragically. “I'm all ears,” he said with voice full of irony.
“Why don't we give our regulars those cookies? To train their immunity or some shit like this.”
Hansung smirked. Maybe not all of Evankhell's ideas were that terrible. “Now we're on the same page.”
