Summary: Even more Mishaps in the life of one and only Kaiju no. 8. aka. Hoshina is reaping the benefits of enlisting Kafka as his comic relief.
A/N: You can treat it as a sequel to "Why are your boobs so big?". I just enjoy Kafka in situations and also interacting with civilians XD.
Tag list: @kafkahibinomybeloved @quinowskie @mechazushi @sonicasura @famouslysleepy @idocreative @iceclew
AO3 Link
The area had been evacuated for a long time, and the Third Division was free to operate. Kafka, alongside Reno and other officers, was teasing the honju guiding into the spot for Mina to neutralise it. So far, the beast was playing along. In a few more minutes, they were on target, and the kaiju was subjugated.
The next step in the protocol was to keep an eye on the yoju, which were sure to follow.
The building was shaking. Makoto, age 40, was a homeless man who had been living in the area, and wondered if he should maybe leave after all. So far, he has been lucky enough. No kaiju, no earthquake, no police had found him yet. But now things were getting… dodgy.
He began to pack his things. As he left his tent, he paused.
"Huh." He blinked. A tall, humanoid kaiju with a skull face stared back at him.
"Huh?" Kaiju said.
Makoto retreated into his tent. Maybe he needed a nap. That had to be a hallucination. He rubbed his face. Then he stuck his head out again.
Nope. Not hallucination.
Welp, that was one way to go. He went back inside.
"Hey, sir! You have to get out of here. It's dangerous!" Oh, the kaiju was scolding him. The monster stuck his head into Makoto's tent. What it didn't expect was a hot kettle to its face.
As the kaiju roared in pain, Makoto dove under its arm and began to run. After taking a few turns, he looked over his shoulder to make sure he had lost the monster.
"Wait, sir!!" the kaiju yelled after him.
Makoto screamed. "Leave me alone!!"
"Wait! Not that way!" the kaiju shouted.
"Why would I even listen to you?!"
"Because–!"
Suddenly, a wall on their right exploded, and a beetle-like kaiju with crab pincers emerged with a roar. Both Makoto and the black kaiju screamed. Makoto skidded to a halt and, with a cartoonish run in place, tried to turn around and escape the new danger.
The beetle kaiju saw Makoto and reached with its pincers toward him. The man cried out, the life flashing before his eyes. Suddenly, his vision went black, and he thought that was it, but no. The black kaiju finally caught up and wrapped one arm around Makoto's waist, picking him up like a sack of potatoes. With a powerful kick, it deflected the pincers.
"Hold on, sir!" It yelled and tossed Makoto onto his back.
The man watched as his unusual saviour smashed the yoju into pieces, trashing further the already unstable corridor. He briefly wondered if he would be eaten. If so, he hoped to be a karage. He wasn't sure why, but it sounded nice.
Wait. If the black kaiju was distracted, maybe he could—.
Makoto slowly started to slip off the beast's back. Then, unexpectedly, the floor under them gave out.
The duo yelled in unison, falling, until the kaiju managed to dig its claws into a sticking out water pipe. Now they were dangling 3 floors above the ground.
"Waaah!! I don't wanna dieeeee!!!" Makoto cried out as they swung. His grip around the kaiju's waist was slipping.
"Sir! Stop wiggling!!"
"You just say that because you want to eat me!!"
"I do not want to eat you!!"
"Why not?!!"
"This isn't the problem to focus on right now!!"
Makoto was slipping further. To stop that, the kaiju somehow managed to wrap its legs around the man, holding him between its thighs like a pair of tongs, while maintaining a chair-like position. Makoto now had a much better view of just how messed up his situation was, and his brain decided to shut down. He passed out.
Hoshina was laughing his ass off once more. "T-this is exactly why I keep you around, Kafka!!!" He was smacking his thigh and holding his stomach.
"I am happy to keep you entertained, Vice-Captain," Kafka replied ticket off.
He and the homeless man were rescued shortly after Makoto passed out. Of course not before some photos had been taken.
With a huff, Kafka walked away from his superior and approached Makoto again.
The civilian flinched seeing the kaiju again and remained on the edge, even with the Defence Force officers around him. He was bundled up in a blanket, already post medical check-up.
"Are you going to eat me?" He asked Kafka.
"Could you please knock it off with eating?" Kafka had had enough of these antics.
"Yeah, don't worry, man," Iharu patted Makoto on the shoulder. "At least not immediately– ow!" Iharu's attempt to scare Makoto was cut short with a slap up the head from Reno. "What gives man?!"
Reno looked away as if he had no idea what Iharu was talking about.
Kafka ignored them. "Here." He handed Makoto a piece of paper with an address and phone number. "It's the number to a company called Monater Sweeper. They can hire you if you want it. It's a tough job, but it is something."
Makoto blinked. Truly, today was the strangest day of his life. "Thanks."
"It will definitely help in paying the penalty fee for ignoring the evacuation signal," Hoshina added, amused.
Makoto felt a cold sweat running down his back. "I am deeply sorry…" He mumbled.
"OK, up we go!" Iharu and Reno helped the man get up and escorted him out of the kaiju subjugation zone.
"You know, Kafka?" Hoshina started, and Kafka glanced at him.
"What?"
"You could say that your thick thighs did save lives today," Hoshina cackled as he skipped away backwards, with his signature finger guns up.
"That's it, Vice-Captain!" Kafka yelled after him. "I will file for harassment! I will!!"
"This will end our debrief," Mina announced. "Dismissed. Except you, Kafka."
The other platoon leaders made 'ooooh someone's in trouble!' sound and began to trickle out of the room.
Kafka swallowed nervously. What did he do this time?
"Yes, ma'am?" He approached Mina.
Mina nodded to Hoshina who was visibly fighting not to laugh. Vice-Captain handed her some papers. Kafka could swear she was also having a little smile on her usually serious face.
"We have been asked to dispatch few officers to help in a PR event for Defence Force," she said calmly. Behind her Hoshina was starting to gradually lose it. "Third Division decided to send you and Ichikawa. He was already informed."
"What's the event, ma'am?" Kafka tried to ignore his other superior.
"Hoshina," Mina called to her 2nd in command.
Hoshina was nearly crying and his face was turning crimson red, as he handed Mina a bag. From it Mina pulled out a really large white sheet, nearly the size of a 3 people tent.
"Haunted House. You will take part as number 8 in scaring the guests," she said. This time he was certain she was smiling. Hoshina was on the floor.
"Understood, ma'am," he replied through his clenched teeth as he took the costume.
Kafka stood in the middle of the common room with the "costume" on while Furuhashi and Nakanoshima were laughing and everyone else were in different stages of trying to keep it together.
The sheet had a hole for his face and hands with rubber bands to keep them in place. As a result only Kafka’s skull face was sticking out of the costume.
"It's not that bad," Akari tried to cheer him up.
"I feel ridiculous," Kafka mumbled.
"It could have been worse?" She still tried.
"I think it's a decent costume," Ichikawa said.
"You're the one to talk!! You at least wear an actual costume! Not a tent!" Kafka complained.
Indeed Ichikawa was dressed as Dracula with well fitted suit and vest.
"They could have at least let me pick a cool monster…" Kafka sighed.
"Ghosts are classic monsters," Aoi pointed out. He was the only one staying serious.
"Yeah but they aren't cool." Kafka shot back.
"Anyway we should be going," Ichikawa said putting his hand on Kafka’s shoulder. The kaiju man sulked but they finally left.
The next week Hoshina called everyone to the video room.
"We have prepared a special treat for everyone!" He said amused. "This compilation was made from the footage we got from the Haunted Hause project."
Kafka paled. Oh no.
The lights went out and the screen came on. The black and white footage began to play with Benny Hill theme music. Kafka chasing a man through the Haunted House. The man hid behind the door and evaded the kaiju. Then a few more situations like that people climbed inside barrels on top of doors or crates.
"It was dark in there!!" Kafka shouted over the laughs.
Next footage - woman running away but she got blocked by the door. She tried to push it but they wouldn't budge. Kafka got to her and inspected them. Still nothing. Then he pulled and lo and behold they opened. He then gentlemanly gestured the woman ahead. She gave him two thumbs up and so the chase continued.
Following were a few scenes where a couple was running away. Suddenly, the man run through door and closed them behind himself leaving the woman behind. Kafka on screen paused and exchanged a look with the woman. He gestured her to hold on and went back and returned with a chainsaw, handed it to the girl and opened the door for her. She happily ran after her beau with the tool. Kafka waved after her.
The audience hooted and shouted at that: "Hell yeah!" "Serves him right!"
That didn't last long as next scene showed a teenager jumping from the top of a crate on Kafka’s back and riding him for a couple minutes, holding onto his horns. Then at some point the sheet he was wearing flipped and the fierce kaiju tripped and ran face first into a wall. The wall broke and Kafka fell through it. His legs flailing helplessly as he tried to both untangle himself and free himself from the predicament. Soon from around the corner Reno and Kikoru appeared and tried to help by pulling him back by his legs.
The audience was in tears.
Then the music changed. The Careless Whisper saxophone began to play and this time it was Ichikawa was shown to trip over the edge of his cape as he tried to scare a group of guests by jumping out of coffin and fell face first into Kikoru who was running at them from the opposite direction. The two fell down to the floor together.
The audience howled and wolf whistled.
"It was an accident!!" Reno tried to yell but he got hit with popcorn.
Finally a photo of the dressed up Defence Force officers showed up and a The End sign appeared on screen.
"Hope you all had fun!" Hoshina said at the end. "The mission was a complete success! The PR was really happy so congratulations Hibino, Ichikawa. As for the film… We have copies if anyone wants one~."
"No!!" Kafka yelled but as usual his protests were drowned by cheerful laughs.
The fate must have been playing its usual tricks as Narumi saw not one, not two, but three Third Division officers. Including that narrowed eyed kappa Vice-Captain, the loudmouthed buddy of Ichikawa and traitor Hibino, who decided to go back to the Third after he woke up from his coma.
Gen scoffed and was about to leave when he noticed something shocking.
Hibino was talking to a woman.
"HOSHINA!" Narumi never ran faster at his rival before.
Hoshina who was advising the pompadour head on something when Narumi yelled. He turned his head slowly and put his hands in his pockets.
"Oh, Captain Narumi! What a surprise!" He greeted Gen.
"Don't give me that, you fox eyed bastard! There's something we must stand united at!" Narumi announced. "Hibino! Is flirting with some woman!"
Hoshina's eyes snapped open. "You don't say~." He smirked.
Iharu saw that and took a step back. A chill ran through him when his Vice-Captain's eyes fell on him.
"Furuhashi, we're going to initiate protocol H-64," Hoshina said.
"Yes, sir!" Iharu saluted, a smirk of his own appearing on his face.
Narumi looked between them. "Care to share, Hoshina?"
"Oh, absolutely!" Soshiro's fox grin nearly split his face in two. "It is really easy."
"Kafka-kyuuuuuuun!!!"
Kafka was talking to this nice tourist when this ear splitting shriek got to him. He turned his head and stared, appalled.
"Who is this woman!" Narumi and Iharu almost tackled him.
"Was it a lie when you said i was the best thing that ever happened to you?!" Narumi demanded to know.
"You said you had most fun with me!!" Iharu cried out.
Kafka stared blankly. What? What the fuck were they on about? He glanced at the woman he was talking before she was blushing and covering her mouth in shock. She was staring at someone approaching them.
"Excuse me!" A new voiced joined in.
Oh no, what now?
"Can you two not touch him so casually? You homewreckers!!" Hoshina yelled at Narumi and Furuhashi.
Kafka was sure Hoshina came with them to the city in a standard off-duty uniform. So where did this suit and gloves come from?!
"I am taking Kafka for very important private defence force exercise!" Soshiro announced. "Come," he stretched his hand to Kafka, "let us go home~. You will learn the new secret wrestling moves."
Kafka glared at the unexpected trio. He turned to the girl.
"I am really, sorry, Miss. If you take the road ahead, you will get to that train station," he said with a polite smile.
The woman nodded, with a small blush, and left.
"Now… will you three explain what the hap is fuckering here?!" He yelled, ticked off.
The three jokers stared blankly.
"You're not even my Captain anymore! I am not in your Division!!" Kafka pointed at Narumi.
A/N: Here's a semi-sequel to Kafka is strangely marketable XD There are three other shorts I'll publish over this week.
AO3
Tag list: @quinowskie @mechazushi @sonicasura @famouslysleepy @kafkahibinomybeloved @idocreative @kaijuice-z @iceclew
"Iharu, do I really have to do it?" Kafka looked doubtfully at the half of a lemon he was given by Iharu.
"C'mon, old man! You can't tell me you are scared of a lemon," Furuhashi cackled. He was holding his phone up, filming the great kaiju no. 8 about to lick a lemon.
It was for the Defence Force social media, as Okonogi asked everyone to send her something she could use. Iharu jumped at the idea and became the official ambassador, filming and directing short videos with trending themes. It was also a great opportunity to play pranks on his cohort. Or specifically Kafka.
"I'm not. I just don't see the purpose of this? I know it is sour," Kafka pointed out.
"Stop stalling and just lick it!" Iharu was getting impatient.
Kafka sighed. Then, with his long kaiju tongue, he licked the lemon. What happened next took everyone, including Kafka, by surprise.
His face scrunched, folding in on itself. Kafka's yell was muffled, being drowned by the surprisingly flexible bone structures of his face and the booming laughter of Furuhashi.
It took them two full minutes, first for Iharu to stop laughing and then for both to figure out how to get Kafka to unscrunch.
The video was a huge hit. Top comment was from someone called C.NrmRLZ: WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BUTTHOLE?!
Big thanks to @kujoestars for allowing me to borrow this illustration XD. The Cheese is Coming, no worries!
Summary: It's been some time since number 10 has seen some action. Kafka comes to visit him about it.
Rating: Gen
Characters: Kafka Hibino, Kaiju no. 10, mention of Hoshina
Read on AO3
Tag list (if anyone wants to be off the list lmk): @kafkahibinomybeloved @mechazushi @sonicasura @iceclew @quinowskie @idocreative @j4yslayz @famouslysleepy
The doors whooshed, and the seams rose from the pneumatic valves as Kafka stepped into the room.
"Hey, Ten!" The kaiju-man called cheerfully. "Wanna grab a beer?" He raised a six pack as he walked towards the holding tank of Numbered Weapon Ten.
The former daikaiju squinted at his guests. "Get out! I don't want to talk to you!" He yelled.
"C'mon, Ten, don't be like that!" Kafka chuckled and just sat down under the tank. The beer fizzled as he opened a can, spilling a little over his finger. "Ah, shit-!"
Ten continued to scowl but said nothing. Kafka took a sip of his drink and sighed deeply. There was grey dusting his hair, and some deeper wrinkles started to mark his face. Laugh lines and crow's feet indicated his age, but even if someone tried to guess it, they would probably get it wrong.
Kafka continued to drink in peace, feeling the animosity radiating from Ten.
"I heard you refused another user." He finally spoke up.
"A weakling! No spark to fight in him!" Ten scoffed. "If it was Soshiro—!" He abruptly stopped himself.
The unfinished sentence hung heavily between them. How long was it? Fifty years now?
"Yeah, Vice-Captain was a great soldier…," Kafka said with a light, nostalgic smile. "Gotta miss seeing his fox-face in the field. Fighting all these powerful kaiju." He glanced up at the red kaiju.
Ten huffed. Number Eight was so obvious.
"I know what you are doing," Ten grumbled. "They sent you here to convince me. It will not happen." He stubbornly insisted.
"Well, that's too bad!" Kafka crushed the empty beer can and got up to his feet. "I heard another Hoshina is entering the force! Real spunk in that girl. Good with blades, too. But since you'd rather be cryofrozen!" He was about to leave.
"Wait!" Ten called out.
Kafka looked over his shoulder.
"How good is the brat?" Ten asked.
"Well, she didn't beat Kikoru's record on a recruit's release power, but she did a number on me in the entrance exam," Kafka replied with a thoughtful hum.
Ten snorted. "That's not hard to do. You are too soft, Eight."
"Now, that's just rude. But we could check that out if you chose a user, then we could see who is better," Kafka joked as he took on a boxing pose, throwing a couple of air punches. "I haven't been exactly rotting in confinement all these years, you know."
Over the years, the two kaiju fought alongside each other many times, until the loss of Vice-Captain Hoshina, that is. They built a rapport with each other. It also meant that Kafka knew exactly which buttons to push on Ten to come around.
"I am still better!" Ten shouted back at him. "Fine! Send the kid down here! We'll see how good she is."
"Knew you'd come around!" Kafka grinned. "I'll let others know!"
"Brat." Ten grumbled. As the doors closed behind Kafka, he sighed deeply. "An officer wearing your last name, huh? Soshiro… maybe this time, I won't fail to protect you."
He closed his eye and let the memories sweep him away once more.
Summary: Kafka's adventure with marketing post Meireki.
A/N: I just have silly ideas XD I hope y'all enjoy it!
Read on AO3
Kafka stared at the mockup designs in front of him. There were keychains, apparel, plushies. He then stared at the stone faced Director General Itami.
"What is it?" Kafka asked.
"Official merchandise designs," Itami deadpanned.
"M— merchandise?" He desperately hoped that was a mistake. He was seeing, he was hearing but he was not understanding. What?
"The PR and marketing departments decided it would be a good idea to make you the official," Director General sighed, as if the word was hard to swallow, "mascot of the Defence Force. You will need to sign a contract."
Kafka pointed at himself. "Me? A mascot?" During the Meireki fight he not only grew a foot taller, lost his human form for good but also definitely didn't look like a marketable plushie.
The merch was divided into '2.0' and '1.0' of his forms. Next to him Mina was playing with a keychain-sized no. 8 'og' look plushie. Hoshina on the other side was fighting for his life. He was slowly losing that battle. He had turned himself slowly from the visiting Director General although his shoulders were shaking in terribly concealed fits of laughter. Kafka was sure there were tears running down his face.
"Can I refuse?" Kafka asked, resigned.
"You can negotiate." Meaning no, he couldn't just say no. "It's in your best interest."
The way Director General said that send cold shiver down his spine.
"Right. May I look at at the contract?"
Itami pushed the documents towards him.
Couple days later Kafka was contacted by the PR team that he was to do a photoshoot for promotional stuff. Captain and Vice-Captain of the Third accompanying him to it.
"Is this really necessary?" He looked to Mina at the studio.
"You're a hero now Kafka, it comes with a few new responsibilities," Hoshina said from his other side. "And you signed a contract."
Kafka tried not to glare at his Vice Captain. Hoshina sounded way too amused with all of this for Kafka's comfort.
"It's all part of promoting Defence Force and making sure people also accept you," Mina added.
"And you said you'd work off those broken drones!" Hoshina reminded him with glee.
Kafka sighed. "Alright, let's get over it."
In the end it wasn't all that bad, despite the photographer being a bit jittery with the prospect of photographing Kafka.
Another day, another kaiju to put down. Kafka stretched his arms ready to move out.
"Oh my god, is that kaiju number eight!?" Someone shouted behind him.
His head turned around. A group of four civilians with their phones out were looking right him. They seemed like tourists.
"Oh my god he is looking this way! Hii!!" one of them yelled and waved wildly in his direction.
Kafka was dumbfounded. Lost in how to react to that he just sort of waved back. It resulted with excited squeals.
Some officers ran up to them.
"This zone is off limits please head to shelter!" They instructed the small group and tried to usher them away.
The officers around him snickered. Kafka for once was glad that blushing didn't really show up on his skull face anymore...
"Mail!" The Defence Force Postal Services officer called as he entered the room.
A rush of the officers crowded around the cart as he handed out all the mail. Once everyone cleared up he wheeled his cart forward and paused by Kafka.
"Hey, Kafka," he said, then reached into his cart.
"Uh, hi?" Kafka looked up from the book he was reading. Suddenly a box filled with letters landed with a thud on the table.
"…what the-" he muttered. "Thanks." He told the officer.
The man nodded in return and pushed his cart forward.
"Whatcha got there, Old Man?" Iharu was immediately at his side, nosey about the box.
Kafka jumped a little. Seriously, did Furuhashi had some sort of teleportation power? A drama supersense? He always appeared where gossip worth things were happening.
"Just… mail. Why do you keep calling me old?" Kafka grumbled and reached inside the box pulling the first letter.
He sliced the envelope with his claw and looked inside. Just a letter. From who? He didn't recognise the name.
He started reading. It was just a simple thank you letter for beating the Meireki Daikaiju. Not so bad!
He opened another, very similar thing. Some were from kids, some from adults and some from teenagers. It felt nice. Some had cute art of him. It was flattering. Maybe this whole marketing stint wasn't all so bad!
Iharu, who volunteered to help him with the volume of letters, was getting bored. The young officer yawned as he tossed another letter to the side.
Suddenly, Furuhashi whistled and laughed.
"Man, people can be freaks," he said and showed Kafka the letter that got his attention.
Immediately, Kafka clocked the photo of a cleavage, a clipping of hair and then the bod— the text of the letter. His jaw hit the ground. Again, thank the gods a blush wasn't showing anymore on his face.
"Hey guys! Kafka got–!"
Kafka jumped and tackled Iharu. Too late though. The commotion brought the attention of other officers.
Was it too much to wish for another base raid now?
One evening Kafka walked into the common room and paused. He then walked out and walked in again. Pinched himself. Nope. He was not having hallucinations.
Every single person in the room had some form of official merch on their person. Iharu had a hoodie, Reno a floppy ear hat (except it was his paws), Aoi a T-shirt, Haruichi had a pair of black and electric blue shoes, Minase a metallic phone-case and Hakua had a hairband.
"Oh, hey Old Man!" Iharu looked up from the sofa. "Look what we have!" He pulled at his hoodie to display it better.
"What's this?" Kafka frowned. "Why are you all dressed in… that." He gestured widely to everyone.
"Marketing dropped by with samples!" Reno supplied the answer. "They said since we're same recruitment group, we got these for free in exchange for modeling."
"What?! I haven't heard anything!" He didn't get any free samples!
"They might have left some in your room," Reno suggested.
"Uwaa, that's embarrassing…" Kikoru spoke, standing next to him. "I can't imagine wanting anything with Hibino's face on."
"Didn't you get like 5 different keychains and phone charms?" Haruichi asked.
Kikoru burned a deep shade of red. "That's not for me! It's for my friends!"
"You have other friends than us?" Iharu blinked surprised. "Hey, guys! Shinomiya is cheating on us!"
"What did you say?!" She screeched.
Kafka sighed and went to check his room, while the younger officers bickered. Surely enough there was a package with his name on it.
He wasn't still sure of it but the sweatpants and hoodie were really comfy.
"Mail, Kafka."
"Thanks Takumi." Kafka picked up the usual box of fan mail from the Postal Officer, with whom he got on first name basis now.
He went through the usual nonsense but today he was looking for specific one. Ah, there it was.
A letter from a grateful mother, a child's art and a photo of a birthday party and Yukiko, the girl he saved that fateful night, with an large plush of number 8.
Maybe sometimes being so marketable wasn't all bad if it could make a person or two smile like that.
He carefully set the letter aside. This one he was going to keep.
Summary: The Third managed to score a viral hit, Narumi Gen cannot stand to be left behind much longer.
A/N: Another part in Kafka's adventure in social media xD
Tag list (anyone who wants to be off the list let me know!): @kafkahibinomybeloved @quinowskie @mechazushi @sonicasura @famouslysleepy @kaijuice-z @maypl-syrup @kujoestars @idocreative
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The ice bucket challenge swept through the Defence Force like the Bubonic plague through Europe in the 16th century. Of course, everyone took it seriously, and donations had been made. Even the Neutralisation Bureau took on the duty to donate a considerate sum under the slogan of: Defence Force Slays Every Threat to Humanity.
Third Division took an interesting take on the challenge, though. It was, again, Iharu's idea. After the ice buckets would have been poured over the officer's head, in their place, Kaiju no. 8 would stand. The slogan for that was: Subjugating ALS with 9.8 Fortitude. On the internet, it would get the name "kaiju Ranma ice challenge". It was such a hit that two hours after two hours Narumi called Hoshina, yelling in his ear that he needs Hibino ASAP for an important assignment.
"And what is that assignment, Captain Narumi?" Hoshina leaned back in his chair, twirling the phone cord over his finger.
"…A very important… kaiju exercise…" Narumi replied, gritting his teeth.
"Oya, does it mean the great First Division cannot handle a threat without an assist from the Third?" Hoshina's smirk was very well heard on the other side of the phone.
Narumi was almost biting his desk in frustration. "YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHY I NEED HIM, YOU KAPPA!! GIVE ME NUMBER 8 OR I WILL TAKE HIM!"
Hoshina's eyes opened, and his face took on a serious expression.
"You can try." And he hung up. Then he picked up the internal communication phone. "Oh, Okonogi~, we are at war with First. I need eyes and ears on Kafka Hibino. Full mobilisation."
"Vice-Captain Hoshina, what did you do?" Okonogi sighed as she began to issue the communication command.
"Why, I did nothing!" He faked a hurt in his voice. "It's Captain Narumi who issued us a challenge to steal our dearest officer!"
"Uh-huh," she didn't sound convinced.
Still, she issued the command.
At first, Kafka didn't think much of the sudden increase in frequency with which he saw the platoon leaders. This was after all the Tachikawa base. He barely paid attention to that.
But then it was his day off, and suddenly it was Platoon Leader Nakanoshima who wanted him to hang out with her, Ebina and a few others. It was nice but a little strange to say the least.
That happened once, twice… and when he would go grocery shopping, he had a feeling like he was being watched.
Then he ran into Platoon Leader Shinonome.
"Hibino Kafka," she announced, pointing at him. "Captain Narumi requests your presence in the First Division!"
Kafka blinked, caught off guard. "Heh?" He pointed at himself.
Immediately, Platoon Leader Ikaruga appeared out of nowhere.
"Not so fast, Shinonome! This is the Third Division's turf! Where is your permission!" He asked her, pointing back.
Suddenly, Kafka felt two people grab both his arms. It was Itakura and Tachibana.
"C'mon Hibino!" Itakura yelled.
"Over my dead body, Third Division dog!" Tachibana yelled back.
Both men tried to pull Kafka in their own direction
"Oye! You're going to rip my arms off!!" Kafka yelled as well. "AAAAAAA!!"
A crowd of passers-by gathered around the two beefing Divisions. The phones were pulled out, and streaming began.
Ariake Marintime Base, Director General's Office.
A video recording of the "Hibino the Human Tug of War" played on the Juzo Nogizaka, Chief of Staff's phone in front of Mina Ashiro and Gen Narumi's faces. On screen, more Third and First Division officers joined. From pulling at Kafka’s arms, it somehow switched to legs grabbed by the Third and arms in First's hold. Kafka kept yelling. Platoon leaders were brawling. It all reached the peak when Hoshina and Ashiro arrived, and Narumi showed his face as well.
"Let me ask this - ARE YOU ALL FIVE?! HAS THE DEFENCE FORCE TURNED INTO KINDERGARTEN?!" Nogizaka yelled.
Ashiro stood at attention with Hoshina at her side. It was a stark contrast to the laid-back Narumi and the face-palming Kikoru next to him.
"Calm down, Juzo," the Director General, Itami Keiji, calmly said from his place behind the desk. "Narumi, Ashiro, explain yourself."
Ashiro took a step forward. "The Third answered to the challenge the First posed by, let me quote Captain Narumi: 'give me number 8 or I will take him', end quote."
"If I may," Hoshina also took a step closer. "Has Captain Narumi taken the appropriate channels of requesting assistance from the Third, we would have seen no issue of assigning Officer Hibino, temporarily, as an assist."
A vein popped on Narumi's cheek.
"You know very well that if I filed a formal request, you would have dragged that into infinity!" He growled at Mina and Soshiro.
"Captain Narumi, we would never do such a thing!" Hoshina feigned shock. "That is a very unfounded accusation. One would say you are still holding some sort of grudge for this year's result in sniping and medium-sized kaiju subjugation exercises."
"Director Itami! He is doing this on purpose!!" Narumi yelled, pointing his finger at Hoshina.
Kikoru raised her hand. "It's my fault, I should have paid closer attention to Captain M-," she caught herself and coughed, "Captain Narumi."
Itami closed his eyes and counted to ten. Somehow, he could feel Isao's smug face looking down at him.
"Captain Narumi, to what purpose did you need Officer Hibino's assistance?" Itami paid no mind to the fussing of the First Division's Captain.
It was a couple of days after Director General Shinomiya's funeral. Kafka had some time to think about many things since then. His life, his future. He knew what he had to do. He knew where his choices were leading him. He came to accept his fate. But before it would come to be, he wanted to do something.
"A leave request?" Hasegawa raised his eyebrows at him. He held the documents in his hands, looking through them carefully.
"I know it might be too much, sir," Kafka chuckled nervously. "And I realise I might most likely need like an escort but…" He looked down, feeling the rejection coming. "It's just something I have to do. I attached a list of activities and places I'd like to visit during it if that makes it easier."
He would be shocked if the Defence Force allowed this, but after the scolding he got from Ichikawa and all the messages from the Third he got after being allowed a phone, he just had to try.
"This might take a while to be reviewed," Hasegawa warned him, surprising Kafka. It wasn't a straight-up 'no'. "Captain and the Board will look over it and with the recent loss of late Director Shinomiya…" the Vice-Captain trailed off.
The message was clear. It could take time that Kafka probably didn't have.
"I understand, sir."
"Is this all, then?" Hasegawa placed his request down.
"Yes, sir."
"Dismissed."
Kafka saluted and marched out of the office. After the door closed behind him, he exhaled slowly. Well, that was done. All that was left was to wait and keep his fingers crossed.
The next day, he was called to Captain Narumi's office. He didn't expect to hear anything concerning his request so soon, so he came in prepared to be sent on a mission or reassigned elsewhere.
Narumi didn't say anything for a good while. He was sitting in his chair, playing on his handheld console, biting his lips until he let out a frustrated sigh, tossing the console away.
"Sir?" Kafka dared to speak.
Narumi was so different from Mina or Hoshina. Kafka found it difficult to navigate around him. On one hand, all he wanted was Kafka's strength, but on the other, he was just so… unorthodox to put it kindly.
The Captain finally looked up at Kafka and suddenly, out of nowhere, slammed a piece of paper on top of the desk.
"Request approved."
Kafka blinked, surprised. He was about to thank him, but Narumi had already picked up the console again.
"Dismissed," he said and turned around in his chair, effectively ending the conversation.
Kafka hesitated, taken aback by the abrupt turn of events, but eventually took the approved request and left the office. He didn't know what Hasegawa or Narumi had done to facilitate this rapid approval, but he was grateful.
He took a deep breath in, leaning back against the door. He'd better get going before anyone changed their minds.
The stop by his buddies at the Monster Sweeper took a little longer than he expected, but somehow it felt good. He felt more human chopping up those ants with Toku and the others than among the 1st Division officers fighting said kaiju. It felt good. Whatever happened next, he could put that part of his life behind.
Now, the final part of his trip.
He apologised to the amused officers, and they were back on the road. Thankfully, due to the late hour, the ride was shorter than he expected. He got to Machida in no time.
Kafka got off his motor scooter at the bottom of the hill. The rest of the way, he wanted to go on foot. It felt so much shorter now. At the same time, though, it felt so much longer. Each step, he could hear the children's laughter, coming right at him from the past. With each step, he could see the two kids barrelling towards the future. Only one of them tripped, staggered, and got left behind, while the other one kept going.
She reached the top way before him.
"Mina…" He whispered, surprised by the sight of her.
She turned around, surprised. Quickly, though, a soft smile appeared on her face. The setting sun framed her face.
"You're late, Kafka."
"I didn't expect to see you here," he said, then he quickly added, "ma'am."
The two were now sitting down on a fallen tree trunk. She made a quiet noise in agreement.
"I haven't expected you either…" she replied. "It's alright, you can drop the formalities here."
He flushed and nodded back. They watched as the city lights came on below.
"Do you remember… when you were going to start high school and move away," she started slowly. "We also met here."
"Yeah, I remember." He smiled, watching his hands. "You brought a cake. It was pretty nice."
Mina chuckled and shook her head. "I told you I baked it, but the truth was, I bought it on the way here," she admitted, looking away.
"Really? I couldn't tell." He grinned, and she sent him a look.
"It was the first time you were going to move away from Machida…" She continued.
"Yeah," he recalled more of the day. "You started crying, and I promised–"
"You promised to make way for me once you make it to the Defence Force," she finished for him.
"Yeah… Listen, Mina, I'm–" He turned towards her, trying to say anything.
"I am still waiting, I told you that, didn't I?" She met his gaze head-on. Her hand rested atop his. "I will be waiting." She promised. "No matter what."
Her determination burned right through his chest. "Yeah. I'll hurry up."
She stood up. "Grandma Misaki's shop is still open," she announced. "Can you still make time?"
He blinked, surprised, then looked over his shoulder. The Men In Black, as he called them in his mind, were still there.
"I should have a second for one last stop," he smiled, and stood up.
They drove further into their hometown. He and Mina were immediately recognised by the elderly. All the Uncles and Aunties swarming them, complimenting Mina and pulling at Kafka's cheeks, commenting how he got all manly, although a little scrawny. What a stark contrast to all the jokes from his cohort back at 3rd. Or maybe he did shape up finally?
He and Mina didn't get much time to talk, and they were leaving the local market loaded up with gifts.
"Everyone was happy to see you," Mina noted.
"I think you were the one who made the bigger impression." He huffed and puffed as he carried all the bags. "Geeze, I don't think either of us would be able to eat all of that. Hey, guys! Want in on some of that!" He turned his head to his guards, who were in the process of eating some takoyaki.
"We're good," they called back.
One of them offered to help Kafka with the bags and took his share to the car.
"Thanks, you're huge help!" Kafka chuckled.
"Kafka," Mina said, and he turned his head to her.
At that moment, a soft kiss was placed on his cheek.
"Don't make me wait too long," she whispered.
"Huh…" His brain stopped. Wh- what just happened?? What?
The other officer took the bags from Kafka while he was still too stunned to move and helped to escort Captain Ashiro back to her car.
"M-Mina!?!?" He yelled.
"That's 500 pushups for casually addressing a superior officer!" She shouted back, not daring to look at him, or he'd see the bright red blush on her own face. "Get to it!"
"Y-yes, ma'am!" He reflexively saluted and dropped down, despite people walking around him and staring at him weirdly.
By the time he was done, Mina had driven away. The two officers helped him up and offered some water.
"You know," one of them joked to his partner, "this was probably the best assignment we have been on for a while."
The other rolled his eyes. "C'mon, number eight. We need to get you back to Ariake."
"Y…yes, siiiirrr…" Kafka mumbled as they dragged him back to his Vespa.
