i don’t know who needs to hear this (even if it’s just myself, i think that’s okay), but i want to congratulate you for making it to this year. i mourn those who did not, and will hold them in my heart for all the years to come. but look at you. i am so proud of you. there have been many times when i truly did not think i would make it this far. hell, i didn’t think i was going to make it through high school but here i am: having graduated college this past year (with honors!). there have been times when i have been low and i mean rock bottom. there have been times when i have shut myself in with the darkness and dug myself deeper to see just how bad it could get. and then there have been times not long after when i have let in the sunshine again and climbed higher than i ever thought possible. after every darkness came the dawn. and after all of that—all the pain and the mistakes and the loss, i remain. i am happier and stronger than i have ever been. because, despite the persistent and nagging despair, it does get better.
i’m not saying it’s easy. because goddess knows i worked damn hard to get here and everyday i work hard to keep moving forward, and everyday i’m still learning more. life is an rpg where the difficulty keeps raising but i level up with it. each year i live through has a tendency to seem insane and feel like the end of the world. and yet, here we are: still hurdling around the sun a billion miles a second. still kicking. still breathing. still trying to learn from and fix our mistakes. because despite the wars and the diseases and the many powers that be that threaten our very livelihoods, we persevere. we don’t give up. because even if it seems far off, even if it seems impossible, even if it’s a fat chance in hell, we hold out for that tiny sliver of hope that it could get better.
i think now more than ever we need to remember how bright that sliver of hope actually is and can be when we breathe life into it. i am a strong believer that every one of us has the power to save a life, even and especially if it’s just our own. when you grow up in darkness you learn to make your own light. to become your own beacon—a source of light and hope and warmth. and by consequence you become a beacon and inspiration for others. by kindling the light within you, you spark a chain reaction that can grow and spread until one day it’s big enough to warm a whole community, or bigger.
what i’m trying to say is, if you are in the darkness now, or find yourself there again, remember this:
It will pass. The sun will rise. And if the sun doesn’t come, fuse your own damn star. Be the radiance you need from the world. Don’t just wait around for change, plant the seeds and watch them grow. You have the power. You can get through this. You are capable of far more than you can possibly imagine. I believe in you. Even if you don’t, even if no one else will, I believe. Because you are enough.
