#ex-frum

[itgetsbesser]

When one day you look at your Tefillin and say:

[bluejewofzsouchmuhn]

So. I found out last night that a very kind and wonderful young woman that I used to know recently was nifteres I mean, passed away or rather, lost her life no, enough with the euphemisms. She died. Suddenly, entirely unexpectedly. I’m so sad that this happened to her. Her husband and community are in shock. I wasn’t that close to her, and yet I’m sad and have shed tears; it’s terrible to imagine what people closer to her must be suffering, especially her husband.

There is, of course, no reason to think there’s some grand eternal plan or “everything happens for a reason” type of explanation for why this happened; shit just happens, that’s all, and this time, it happened to happen to her.

And yet, and yet that Orthodox Jewish idea that we Jews are all responsible for each other, and we all bear the burdens of each other’s sins -- it doesn’t make sense, right? There is no reason to believe that’s really how the world works. And yet I’m haunted by the fear that it might be true. I’m fucked up by the idea that I might have killed this sweet young woman with my bacon cheeseburgers and my reblogged atheist memes and because I said to my husband the other day, after he hurt me terribly in order to prevent non-Jewish strangers from doubting his loyalty to his imaginary friend, “Fuck you and the god you rode in on.”

I thought I’d let go of all those irrational, controlling fears. I thought I was past that point. Yet here I am worrying that I am responsible for someone’s death because I turned lights on and off on a Friday night, and took a hot shower on a Saturday afternoon.

Somebody talk sense into me. Please.

[bluejewofzsouchmuhn]

How could I have forgotten

how delicious fried pork chops are?

how tasty a bacon cheeseburger is?

how nice it is to have some frozen shrimp cocktail to look forward to anytime I decide to treat myself?

how melted cheese makes every fucking thing better?

how nice it is to just buy the food I want without stressing out about whether it has a seal of approval on it from some guy I don't even know?

how fucking great it is to be frei?! And that's only the food. There's so much more.

Remembering now.

[bluejewofzsouchmuhn]

I just watched this 25-minute film called Frei and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Also: I am such a shadchanes (matchmaker) at heart. If I could, I would totally make a match between a certain tumblr personality I'm fond of and that extremely beautiful ex-Satmar woman about 10 minutes in. It could work! What could it hurt to try, she doesn't say she's not looking. She's smart, she's gorgeous, she's ex-frum. More than that you're asking??

Maybe I should start a new dating website for ex-frummies. What shall I call it? AtheistShidduchim? ADate? Freister? SawYouEatSeafood?