Scrog has fun with the Reverend Nicholas Edward.
I was looking for apartments and saw one that looked cool but kinda fishy but I though... what the hell? I’ll bite.
And lo and behold, I get this wonderfully GENUINE reply!
No need to zoom in. It’s just your standard “I’m a Reverend and I’m REALLY TRUSTWORTHY so you don’t need to feel AT ALL WARY of my too good to be true offer and my shady means of collecting your money.” shtick.
Totally legit.
But what really got me was his beautifully slimy and manipulative BIBLE VERSE sign off.
If you can’t read the image, it says:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil...."Proverbs 3: 5-7.
So! Not that I’m the first to do it. Nor will I be the last. But I thought to mine self: Old Scroggo? Why don’t you give this obviously PIOUS and DEVOTED Reverend the answer he truly deserves. It’s only fitting that I deliver unto him the sermon his Christ Like actions have warranted, right? RIGHT?? So I sent this:
Which reads:
Dear Reverend, How kind of you to extend your generosity. Let me, in turn, offer mine up to you. I offer up to you my KINGDOM.
For mine is the Kingdom of plenty. Mine is the kingdom of wealth. Mine is the kingdom of pleasure. Mine is the kingdom of gluttony. Mine is the kingdom of sloth. Mine is the kingdom of greed. Mine is the kingdom of envy. Mine is the kingdom of lust. Mine is the kingdom of pride. MINE IS THE KINGDOM OF WRATH. And I am KING over it all. I am the prince of pestilence. I am lord of the flies. I am the dark messiah. I am the great deceiver. I am the real scourge. I welcome you, as you have welcomed me, into my house. And as you step through my brimstone gates and tread upon the bones of those who came before you; as you behold a glorious lake of fire, it is with great joy and rapture you realize, my son-- You were already HOME. And your unholy father awaits you with open arms. I gather you close and press you to my flaming bossom. I whisper in a voice, more tender and more dear than those of your mortal mother as you suckled from her breast. I say unto you, Reverend Nicholas Edward... ... ... ... "Who's your daddy now, bitch?" Love, Satan [kissy emoji]
I hope I get the apartment! :)
Stay tuned!