#football#world cup#world cup 2026#england nt#jude bellingham#soccer
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its 4:30 am... I am awake thinking, living, and breathing... but somethings different.. My heart... its breaking, aching and shaking... All because of you My mind’s racing, chasing, and raising.. all the problems of my life.. and I am slowly fading, wasting, and breaking.. because I don’t know who i am.. Not anymore ..
Sleeping is my escape
I have become really great at sleeping. Sleeping seems to be the only way I can get away from my brain without removing myself from this world.
My heart is slowly breaking apart and I’m trying to hold it back together.
Time to drown myself in music to forget about these feelings.
I am missing you so bad..
I don't know anymore. I've been lost and realizing stuff and also feeling all the heaviness that I could not describe nor explain. And when I try to talk about it, I start to cry but I hold it in until it fades. I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit that is happening to me but I can't seem to find a way, I want to stop this, all of it because this is making me exhausted and I don't know anymore. I'm so close to giving up when I know that I'm coming near in opening another door but it seems to be so dark and I cant feel or see the doorknob, I don't want this anymore. Maybe I'll figure this all out or maybe I won't, I don't know what will happen. All I know is that everything, Everything is so fucking exhausting and I'm tired in dealing all of it.
The night starts to echo, the world is asleep. The tick of the clock hurts as it starts to pass by within a long awaited silence.
The world starts to spin and I’m drowning on a deep darkness, not an ounce of light that I can see and I'm laying here in my room, trying to get a hold of myself.
And so today, I wish not to be alive, nor die. So today, I wish to disappear. So that the unfathomable pain I am feeling will also disappear.
Sometimes ‘not caring’ is just a heart that finally got tired. 🥀
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