#existencerants

[asmodeiaaria-blog]

I cannot

tolerate those more stupid than me,

nor tolerate those smarter than me

In other words, I’m a fucked up human being

pic related

[asmodeiaaria-blog]

Just don’t come

If you really do see me better than I do myself

Then I implore you to stop my pretensions

Help lift these blinders off my eyes

Because one way or another, it will

But I am sure that without intervention

Only the worst will come

After all, that is what I am expecting

[asmodeiaaria-blog]

Intentional Stupidity?

Why is it that I fail to do what's "correct"?

Even if supposedly, I know that my current state isn't the correct one?

Hearing, but not listening.

Much like this phrase, maybe my "knowledge" about what I should do is gleaned upon, but not realized.

After all, a person wouldn't shove his hand into a fire if he knows what it'll do to him, yes?

So why is it that despite acknowledging my faults and wrongdoings, I am still not living my life correctly?

Do I really require a resounding punch to the face every time I'm supposed to do something right?

You can even argue if I'm even living, in the state I am in.

The bottom line is always my laziness, though.

Heck, I should call my self Acedia Aria or something, just because I am slothful.

[asmodeiaaria-blog]

its not healthy

For the New year, I and my lot just went to our local Resorts World, hooray!

It is very huge, intimidating... and amazingly (excessively?) opulent. Like many various new places popping out of the metro recently, strolling around this grand facility makes one feel that they are in a different country.

From the halls and stores that would fit more in New York and France than our humble abode, to the diverse, multicultural crowd, it does seem that I suddenly am not in my own nation. I have nothing against foreigners, really, in fact I (and my eyes) are quite grateful to the beautiful ladies gracing their presence, hailing from the not-so-distant lands of Cathay and Goryo. (I am a bit bitter that the signs also have Mandarin and Hangul in them, but not Nihongo)

However, similar to a few of these maidens, both them and I know that their current ravishing state is a tad... artificial. And if I may be frank, so is the whole facility. While the whole look and feel of it is amazing to behold, once I (accidentally) look beyond those controlled borders of grandeur and "civilization", lie the reality I live in. As much as we want to sugarcoat it, it is not a beautiful place. I would rather not dwell in how to make it so, as this NEET writing right now surely doesn't know how, but what this lowly freeloader knows is about escapism. And I believe places like this belong to the same category.

Whether it's me hiding in my head to a fictional world without despair, or here in these structures without a speck of dust or dirt, I feel they are fundamentally the same: they are just methods of escapism. And to be honest, mine is rather more efficient.

If I had a quote to end this short rant: Marche, that person who wants an acquaintance of his to stay bound to a wheelchair, comes to mind.

[asmodeiaaria-blog]

As we are human,

We are flawed,

only mortal,

we are born to live,

only to die.

-

Existence mocks us this way,

The universe condemns us just the same.

This earth that is our home

Stops at nothing to kill us all.

-

Even history will fade,

All your effort wasted away;

For only when these flaws are gone,

Will the world pay for its wrong.

-

=

This is for that wounded, selfish maiden,

that had opened another path to wisdom.