And Yet These Words Won't Hold Anything @asmodeiaaria-blog - Tumblr Blog

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New Beginnings

No matter how reluctant I am, embarking this path is a necessity, at least for now. And still these words-

#back again

I cannot

tolerate those more stupid than me,

nor tolerate those smarter than me

In other words, I’m a fucked up human being

pic related

#ExistenceRants

Just don’t come

If you really do see me better than I do myself

Then I implore you to stop my pretensions

Help lift these blinders off my eyes

Because one way or another, it will

But I am sure that without intervention

Only the worst will come

After all, that is what I am expecting

#ExistenceRants

Intentional Stupidity?

Why is it that I fail to do what's "correct"?

Even if supposedly, I know that my current state isn't the correct one?

Hearing, but not listening.

Much like this phrase, maybe my "knowledge" about what I should do is gleaned upon, but not realized.

After all, a person wouldn't shove his hand into a fire if he knows what it'll do to him, yes?

So why is it that despite acknowledging my faults and wrongdoings, I am still not living my life correctly?

Do I really require a resounding punch to the face every time I'm supposed to do something right?

You can even argue if I'm even living, in the state I am in.

The bottom line is always my laziness, though.

Heck, I should call my self Acedia Aria or something, just because I am slothful.

#ExistenceRants

its not healthy

For the New year, I and my lot just went to our local Resorts World, hooray!

It is very huge, intimidating... and amazingly (excessively?) opulent. Like many various new places popping out of the metro recently, strolling around this grand facility makes one feel that they are in a different country.

From the halls and stores that would fit more in New York and France than our humble abode, to the diverse, multicultural crowd, it does seem that I suddenly am not in my own nation. I have nothing against foreigners, really, in fact I (and my eyes) are quite grateful to the beautiful ladies gracing their presence, hailing from the not-so-distant lands of Cathay and Goryo. (I am a bit bitter that the signs also have Mandarin and Hangul in them, but not Nihongo)

However, similar to a few of these maidens, both them and I know that their current ravishing state is a tad... artificial. And if I may be frank, so is the whole facility. While the whole look and feel of it is amazing to behold, once I (accidentally) look beyond those controlled borders of grandeur and "civilization", lie the reality I live in. As much as we want to sugarcoat it, it is not a beautiful place. I would rather not dwell in how to make it so, as this NEET writing right now surely doesn't know how, but what this lowly freeloader knows is about escapism. And I believe places like this belong to the same category.

Whether it's me hiding in my head to a fictional world without despair, or here in these structures without a speck of dust or dirt, I feel they are fundamentally the same: they are just methods of escapism. And to be honest, mine is rather more efficient.

If I had a quote to end this short rant: Marche, that person who wants an acquaintance of his to stay bound to a wheelchair, comes to mind.

#ExistenceRants

Someday, I'll be able to face you all again.

And even if no one will be there to wait for me, I will still thank you.

Because even if for a little, a void has been filled.

That girl carrying an umbrella

From /tg/:

Succubi are dream creatures human's desire for rich and fulfilling love lives. Throughout history they have been muses, fairy-wives, demons. The magical not-woman that man approaches as he would a woman. They are drawn to erotic dreams and the shear fulfilling intimacy of their contact usually leads to dreams becoming erotic. Mark Twain wrote about a "Platonic Sweetheart" he had in dreams throughout his life. Every few years or so he would dream about this girl who was always the same girl of the same age and beauty but with a different appearance each time. The above example of a Succubus isn't sexual. Neither was Dante's Beatrice sexual. Irish stories of Fairy-wives describe not only their erotic beauty but the poetic beauty they can inspire in their loves, usually artists or poets. The men are gripped with such passion that it leads to their genius--and sometimes their death. And that's the dirty part of the succubus. They are a relationship that takes from a man's relationship to the world. They are a dalliance in the fantasy of the night. And maybe it is a good thing for a man to feel that somewhere in someway he is loved with the intensity of a fire almost clean in its simple heat. And maybe it is a horror that his mind drifts through dreams instead of being grounded in life. The Irish poets with fairy lives sometimes lived and sometimes died. When a succubus invades the dream of a man the man isn't lucid and upon waking only remembers the dream in brief snatches if he really tries. Think the last time you dreamed of doing something really stupid or out there. How much "choice" did you really have in the dream? The man may not even be a "person" in the dream but instead just the "dream itself". Think of when you dreamed about something rather than dreamed about doing something. While a Succubus doesn't drain life force, it does drain and channel emotions and drives. Some succubus just look at men as a quick kick. Others may actually love their hosts and may try to inspire them to do great things--great being subjective. This could be encouraging a life-long criminal to reform or to inspire a pacifist to take up arms in the defense of his country--much to the horror of the boy's lover who doesn't want him to get shot.

And since that day AsmodeiaAria existed, that girl carrying the umbrella also came to be. She doesn't visit much, and mostly briefly, but when she does...

Could it be?

Either way, I still thank her for the lapses of creativity, and the musings that come after the dreams and the nightmares.

I hope to see her soon again.

#random

From /a/:

Am I the only one autistic enough to really truly want to meet 3DPD just like Tsukasa? She'd be someone regarded as a nice, lovely person by everybody. But then she's actually a devious bitch to you. But then she's sweet, loving, and devoted underneath. Man, I don't know how you guys stay satisfied with your waifus. It physically hurts me when I think that I'll never find someone as lovely as her.

i cry everytiem

The Abrupt yet Long Incursion Gamma, Part 1

No matter what conclusion I arrive at, no matter whom I put the blame on all of this, no matter where I will eventually be headed, no matter how much I try to justify, A repetitive whisper will tell me otherwise:

It can't be helped.

The man awakes yet again in a world he no longer feels a part of. He takes pain in it, pleasure in it too; But to him, and apparently everyone else, he doesn't belong in it. Groggily shaking his head, he begins to survey his surroundings. It looks like the interior of a medieval-styled church. He notices stone walls, and the floor complete with paintings of numerous people. Contrary to the usual, however, the people have no faces. Not that he notices them before, but it still strikes him awkward. There is no altar to be found, nor a big crucifix hanging around somewhere. Also, the whole place seems to be illuminated by a single source from above. The man looks at it, shielding his eyes. Glowing ominously, the ceiling is actually one huge piece of stained glass, filled with different colors patterned elegantly in a full circle. He glares at awe at the sight. Truly, a world where such a masterpiece is made should be a beautiful one. Oh, how he wishes this was true. Time and time again, he would insist (hope?) that he was existing in a reality that is not. Time and time again, he would wonder why he was existing in a reality that is. He could not find solace from the former, and an answer for the latter. Not even in this church. Looking around, he sees a bench typically found in a place like this. Recollecting his thoughts, he approaches it and sits down, closing his eyes. Within, he would ask: Why am I here? And the 'answers' he would find would either go in the form of: I don't know- or- It can't be helped.

"Can it truly not be helped?" From the darkness, a voice rings out. The man stands from his seat, as if fully expecting this. "We've argued with this to death, haven't we? Are we going to do this again, until I've landed in yet another place?" A silhouette appears from the distance, and soon a form becomes visible under the glass-stained light. A woman (as usual), wearing an attire befitting a nun. Her outfit has tones of black as dark as the night sky complementing white as bright as her skin. Underneath her habit are wisps of silvery blonde hair, masking her eyes. "Still, this is quite an interesting place you picked. A church, with a beautiful ceiling up top?" He gives out a whistle as the woman continues to approach him, with a look of nothing but indifference. Soon they are face to face, and the man can feel her breath on his cheek. After all, she is almost as tall as he is. "Well, sister, you're supposed to agree with me now, right?" No response. Slightly annoyed, the man puts his hand on her shoulder. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" However, the woman doesn't give a single reply, leaving him flustered. She is merely staring deeply into his eyes, searching for something. "W-what? Say something, will you?" But she still remains standing, face still stoic. Calming himself down, he decides to do the same, looking into her deep azure eyes. For a long while they would do nothing but this, the man hoping that he can test the lady's patience. But she does not budge, and neither would he- Or so he thought.

Addendum

Or at least, /I should've finished it./ But something stayed my hand. Again, I look at his face. As much as he is expecting me to do it, he is still trembling. Certainly, the man doesn't want to let go. "Despite all our conversations, it seems like nothing changes at all." I lower my hand as a heave a sigh, pouting. He is still quaking in front of me, eyes still closed. The rain has started to subside, but the clouds still hang above our heads. "How much of a hypocrite are we?" I raise my head into the sky, thinking hard. It is my fervent wish to help him; to get him back to his feet. However, I will not bring myself to do acts against his wishes. Even if it destroys the both of us. Because after all, I am merely a- "Don't say that." He finally speaks before I can deliver a fatal blow. He crouches down, shaking his head. "Why, why couldn't this all end?" His fist hits the surface, scratching it. Yet he pays it no heed as he strikes it once more. "Time and time again I am forgiven, yet that 'forgiveness' only makes my sins worse!" Noises ring out every few seconds, and soon his hand is a bloody mess. Nevertheless, this is nothing compared to the fractured person within. This broken state is both the result and the cause. Can it perhaps be both, or is it because neither of us can draw a distinct line anymore? To be honest, the line was already blurred by the time I met him. "I HATE THIS!" His cry echoes through the artificial heavens, and all I could do is watch. And I do know that he shares the same sentiment. As if on cue, the rain begins to pour once more, harder this time. This continues for a good few minutes before he finally stops, lying on the soaked roof. Whimpering- crying and laughing at the same time. "I really wish this would end," He lets out between pauses, "even though I also don't want it to end." Suddenly, I find myself scooting next to him, tears shedding myself. In a sense, both of us are broken, incomplete- Torn to self-inflicted pieces. Then, as if on impulse, I whisper a sad tune. Hearing a melody all too familiar, the man slowly stops crying. "Hey." He calls my attention, holding my hand. "If this curse of ours didn't stop you, would you have done it?" I pause for a moment before humming again. Arriving at an answer, I shake my head. "Why not?" I really want to tell him why- But we already both know the answer. And he hates himself because of it. Instead, I just scoot even closer, resting my head on his chest. Paying no heed to the surging rain. /I agree, it all should have been over a long time ago-/ /But that was a wish that we have lost the right to invoke./ We both wanted it all to end, in our different ways. Yet we also both knew that we will never be given that mercy until we no longer expected it.

The Abrupt yet Long Incursion Beta Part 2

The wind blows, and the rain falls. These are things that, to put it bluntly, can't be helped. And in a teal roof under the night sky, sits a drenched individual peering at the faraway sky. He, like the clouds, is holding an immense mass of grief to be unleashed. Unlike them, however, he would not let the floodgates open. Or, as he would like to put it, /couldn't/. Still, both he and the clouds share yet another trait; Once that mass is gone, so are they. And so the man raises his hands, trying to reach the very beings that resemble him: A fleeting existence. So why does this pitiful creature not choose to finish this brooding and jump off the roof? Is he not wary of this pretending, this routine people call living? Then again, you could not call him, as he is, living. A shell of a man can merely exist. So let me inquire once more- What is hindering this man to meet the fate he deems his? As long as those tears remain within- "Enough, I can see your point." And lo, my narration finally stops. "As you should. You're a perceptive one, both of us know that." He laughs at my comment, despite bearing no emotion. "How does it feel taking the helm for once?" He looks into my eyes like an artist would look at his magnum opus. "I think it's quite lovely. Being capable of all these actions and motions, surely it is a blessing to be living-" The man scowls at my term, squinting his eyes. "Pardon me, I meant /existing/. That is the situation we are in, yes?" "No, go on. I wish I could put you completely in charge, but we know I'm not insane enough to do that. Yet." I give him a smile, tossing my damp hair at the side. "Oh? Surely a normal man would not spend his time idle in a roof while a storm is brewing?" "Wherever I go, there's always a similar catastrophe. The worst ones caused by yours truly." He then stands up, and turns away from me. "Are you finally going to do it?" "Of course not. I know that I can never finish those that I begin, and so do you. Including this." "And this is why we're stuck in this dilemma?" "Precisely." Taking careful steps in the wet roof, I slowly find my way next to him. "I wish that you would stop this madness, but I also wish that I could stay. Bad news for us, the fulfillment of one terminates the other." As I say this, I put my hands on his trembling shoulders. "Well, I still dream that both of those could still happen." "You have many dreams, silly. Many irrelevant, all imaginary. That's how you would put it." Above us, thunder continues to crackle ominously. "As sharp a tongue as always." We both laugh for a while, and then he turns to me, caressing my cheek. "I'm sorry you turned out this way. This is the least someone like me could do." "Don't be stupid. If we put ourselves totally into it, then doing all of these won't be necessary. Besides, we're totally going on a conversational loop here." "Well, I am a /delayed/ person after all." He laughs, with a semblance of life this time. Oh, how I want to slap him in the face. However, I'm not going to, not this time. We both know he's right. It saddens me that there are so few ways to end this, none of them are what we want. As he would put it, /it can't be helped./ "You didn't bring that damnable umbrella today." "I didn't. I figured that this time, you didn't need it." Nervously, he puts his forehead next to mine. "Thank you." "That's a little bit early, considering its only the beginning." "We've been saying that many times now." "Yeah, well, your 'luck' keeps giving you chances. Any man would've learned his lesson by now." "I already did. But, I always end up throwing it away." He shrugs, and I flash him yet another smile. "You know what? Of all the unfair things in the world, why is it that you are the most animate when I'm at my most desperate?" "That's a mystery that we won't be knowing the answer to." After a brief silence, I did the necessary thing. "Thank you." Overhead, thunder booms yet again, and the rain continues to fall.

The Abrupt yet Long Incursion Beta, Part 1

The waves start crashing at the shore. Above, the sunlight gleams down on the humble beach, illuminating all; From the vast expanse of sand and brittle rock- To the beautiful blue of the playful sea. And amidst all the mortals residing there stands a young man. This lad fancies himself content, among familiar company- Yet at the moment, the man finds himself isolated. “This won’t last long though, because during rare moments like these, “ The man speaks, as if expecting something. “That person would surely follow.” Looking down at his black trousers, this individual sighs and blinks his eyes. And once it opens- “Well isn’t this a sight you don’t see every day.” There she is. Almost immediately, another figure stands beside him. “It certainly is, especially for the both of us.” This figure, a woman wearing an orange one piece, suddenly kicks some sand at the man. “Hey, what gives!?” “Nothing, nothing, it’s just that I thought you hated beaches?” The girl kicks again, harder this time. “But more importantly, I thought you hated these bitches!?” “Calm down, will you? Besides, I don’t exactly hate them.” He then scoops some water from the sea, and launches them towards the girl. “Yeah yeah, both of us know why you came here, after all.” The woman starts to pout, turning his back on him. “Won’t you sit beside me?” “So that you could apologize for this insane waste of time?” “Yeah, I will. And also-“ The man motions to the spectacle in front of them. “I want you to look at the sea with me.” “Has the salty air gotten into your head?” “I suppose. Care to breathe in some yourself?” The young man starts grinning, and the lady flashes a smile back. And as if in response, the waves surge further into the shore.

“I agree, I guess. It does look nice.” “It’s what we came here for, after all.” The two then have a light laugh, but the feminine cuts hers off. “Don’t lie to me; this is merely your alibi.” “Alright, alright. At least you agreed with me.” “Not quite. Tell me, what do you see in these waves?” “Seaweed… rocks... dirt. A lot of dirt.” “You know what I mean, you idiot.” “Hey hey, watch that tongue. You’re starting to sound like her already.” “Oh, you mean the real reason why you went here?” The girl motions behind her, pointing at the man’s companions. They seem to be preparing to play a ball game far from the water. “Yeah, I did that on purpose. So what’s your answer?” “Let's see..." After a brief pause, the man finally replies. "I see rhythm and harmony. The waves are in sync. Does that answer suffice?” The girl guffaws from the guy’s reply. “Are you sure we’re both looking at the same sea?” “Fine then, Miss Sea Expert. What do you see?” “Easy: the exact opposite; I see a body of water jumbling around. It’s chaotic and dissonant.” “Then how could you find it nice-“ The man stops himself, knowing full well who he’s talking to.

A light wave emerges from the sea, striking their legs. The woman places a hand on her knee, and then lets it glide towards her feet. “It feels good, doesn’t it?” “I’d like to know why our roles are reversed.” “I beg your pardon?” “Why is it that I’m talking about the half-full glass…?” The man plucks a clean, white rock from the sea floor. “And you’re the one musing about the half-empty one?” He then hands the stone towards the woman, overturned. Both of them could see a slimy, moldy surface covering it.

“It is because you brought us here.” The woman drops the rock into the sea where it disappears. “I’ve known you from quite some time now, and our short conversations-“ “Why did you go to this place?” “At least the inquiry tradeoff’s intact.” “I’m not going to repeat my question. Or are you afraid they’ll hear it?” “They won’t hear a thing I’ll tell you. After all-“ The girl cuts him off, putting a finger on his lips. “I’m fully aware of what we are, and what I am.” She releases the man’s lips, and opens her hand slowly in front of him. The masculine sighs, and a few seconds after that, he speaks. “We’re here to take one last glimpse at the past-“ In front of them, a sizable wave starts brewing. “And then we’re going to erase it completely.” This wave eventually hits the shore, rewriting its surface.

#random biographical fiction

The Solace of the Three, Part Two

“Could the two of you please forget what you saw?”

Down along the humble dining table, Aqua stands from her seat.

Even in her private home, she doesn’t fail to dress up nicely.

Right now, she’s sporting a purple turtleneck sweater, complemented by long khaki pants.

Her hair is fashioned in a ponytail, flowing all the way down to her knees.

“I would love to address my opinion, but could we please finish our meals first, Yuki?”

At the side of the table opposing her is one of her sisters, Asmodeia.

As if to conflict with Aqua’s formal appearance, the Viceroy-Interna is wearing a translucent nightgown.

The cloth complementing her lithe body, the light outfit streams gently to her thighs.

It seems she’s quite at home in this place.

“Why don’t you try to be like our guest here, feasting heavily on such a delicious sight?”

The older Maejima stares at my direction, smiling seductively.

Startled, I immediately look away from her.

“Tsuki!”

Beside me, Aqua calls out her sister without hesitation.

Asmodeia lets out a quick laugh, pointing a utensil at her younger sister-

-Then to me.

“I’m only trying to satiate the boy’s hunger, especially on the state that you left him in.”

Surprised by her sister’s retort, Aqua slowly sits down, embarrassed.

By the way, the sisters call each other by their second names.

Aqua is called Yukihime, or Yuki for short-

And Asmodeia is called Tsukihime.

“Karl Immanuel is our guest here, and as hosts, we are obliged to entertain him as each of us knows best.”

Finishing the meal on her plate, the Viceroy-Interna leans forward-

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but is she intentionally giving me a good look at her bosom?

Hey look, I am a man, so you can’t blame me for taking a short peek-

“You too, Kael?”

From across the table, Aqua looks at me disapprovingly.

“I didn’t mean to see anything, it’s just that-“

“You were deliberately looking at her!”

“It’s not my fault her dress catches my attention!”

Great, now I’m standing from my seat as well!

“Oh, so now you admit it. And I thought you were better than this!”

“I am, stop overreacting!”

“Oh my, did I just start a lover’s quarrel? Or are you two still intoxicated from the ride?”

Interrupting our argument, Asmodeia starts giggling softly.

“We aren’t anything of the sort!”

Almost simultaneously, Aqua and I say the same sentence.

I immediately return to my seat, much to my chagrin.

Aqua does the same, equally abashed.

“This trip is really going to be exciting, I fear.”

Asmodeia looks outside the huge window at my back, heavily painted with snow.

“And the family isn’t even complete yet.”

Aqua sighs tiredly and starts making the same gesture.

While breakfast has ended, this only marks the beginning of our vacation.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Welcome to our humble winter home, Karl Immanuel.”

Wow, this isn’t anything I would have expected from such an opulent family.

According to Aqua, we are currently deep in the wilderness.

Furthermore, this place is said to be between the territories of the three ruling factions.

In other words, this is either uncharted land-

Or it would be, in a manner citizens of old Earth would say it, private property.

“I’m pretty sure you’re surprised right now, Kael.”

Behind me, the Viceroy-Interna gives me a light shove.

“Yeah, no kidding.”

During my months of stay here in this newfound world, I’ve learned that this planet has changed.

And this new landmass, this new place, was completely settled by three different groups of people-

-trying to escape the chaos created by the old world.

“It’s been a while since our last visit here. It sure does bring back memories.”

Good for them-

-I am totally lost here, to be honest.

On the other hand, why shouldn’t they be?

Right now though, I’ll be back to the thought at hand.

There shouldn’t be any place left in this newly created archipelago, Gaia, that isn’t explored or uninhabited anymore.

This means that this patch of land here is exclusively owned by the ladies here with me.

“And Kael isn’t responding anymore. Moshi moshi, are you there?”

“He already told you, he’s quite surprised right now.”

Despite what my studies tell me, however, why am I not surprised?

Then again, that’s not the reason I’m surprised, gals.

If this was a fairy tale, we would be inside a huge, ice-sculpted castle.

In fact, these ladies are actually princesses, if not in name only.

“I’ll go start the fire now. Hey Tsuki, could you- hey! Stop doing that!”

“Why would I? I am sure our guest would appreciate the scenery better this way.”

A mansion, a villa, or even a huge resort complex would make sense to me.

But this-

“Karl Immanuel, is the place not to your liking?”

In front of me, the older Viceroy starts taking off her mink coat.

“Are you both sure we’re in the right place?”

“Yes, Kael, we’re absolutely positive. What’s wrong with a nice, small, cozy cottage?”

Approaching a firebox near what I assume is the house’s fireplace, Aqua flicks open a switch.

When Asmodeia said humble winter home, she wasn’t exaggerating.

This is a legitimate holiday cottage, stuffed with the works.

You name it – wooden walls, two soft wool couches with what seems to be maple wood frames –

There’s even a bear carpet on the brick floor!

“Hello there, Snuggles. Did you miss us?”

It even has a name. Wow.

“The fire’s up! Tsuki, why didn’t you go inside when you got here?”

And most important of all, we have a fireplace. You can’t miss that.

“I’ll start making breakfast soon. Yuki, could you please get check the china? There shouldn’t be any termites if we’re lucky…”

Asmodeia starts going into something resembling a kitchen.

“Got it. Kael, could you please check the rooms if there are any mites?”

Near the kitchen are two wooden doors – those must be the bedrooms.

Before I could turn the knob, however, Aqua interrupts me.

“Not that one, you can’t go in there!”

“What? Isn’t this the bedroom?”

I raise my hands in the air, clearly confused.

“Yeah, but that’s our bedroom. The guest room’s the other one. We stay here, you stay there.”

She starts pointing at the other room.

“Oh my, that’s just Aqua talking. Karl Immanuel, you can enter our room anytime.”

From the kitchen, the older Maejima throws a wink at me. “Tsuki, stop that! What would Kuro think?”

“I’m only pulling our guest’s leg, silly Yuki.”

Whimpering, Aqua goes back to the shelves while I open the guest room.

It’s small, with only a small desk and a single sized bed. No sign of any tetrapods, though.

“It’s all clear here, ladies.”

“Oh my, that’s just unfortunate. Yuki, could I stay in the guest room too?”

“Just start cooking already, you vixen in heat.”

Getting a plate from the shelf, the little sister hits the older one in the head with it.

These sisters sure act differently when they’re not in school, that’s for sure.

#sidestorieslol

The Solace of the Three, Part One

“Are we there yet?”

How many times have I asked this, anyway?

Honestly, I lost count.

My companion, however, merely forms a tight smile on her lips.

Setting her personal tablet aside, she turns to me, smirking.

“Isn’t it time you asked a different question, Kael?”

Finally, a reply!

It’s not a response I wanted to hear, though.

“Okay then, a different question-“

Sitting straight from my seat, I look back at the maiden on the opposite side of the vehicle.

“Why aren’t we there yet?”

Right now, we’re riding something that resembles a limousine.

This girl and I are in the spacious seats in the back, along with several other commodities and gadgets.

The front seat, however, seems to be empty.

“The place we’re going to is pretty far, you know.”

She retorts, leans forward, and opens a compartment between us.

“With all the commotion that you’ve caused lately, we had no choice but to take you far away from the institution-“

From the compartment, she procures two tall glasses, places them at a side table, and opens a refrigerator near her.

“-at least for the time being.”

“Fair enough-“

I could end this conversation right here, but I still want to know more.

“But, I still don’t see why the higher ups would just give me, of all people, a month-wide leave.”

I let out a loud sigh, trying to remember all the reasons why I am here.

A lot has been going at the institution where I study-

Inquesta High College.

And unfortunately for me, I’ve been involved with several of them.

Trust me, I’m not a delinquent or anything, I just end up being on the wrong place at the wrong time.

Also, this lady beside me is a classmate of mine, but she still won’t tell me where we’re headed.

“Don’t worry about it. After all, we’ll just be away for a while.”

She clicks her tongue as she keeps on rummaging through the freezer.

“A month-long while, that is.”

“How can I not worry, if you don’t even tell me our destination?”

I start scratching my head, hoping to get my point across her wavy hair and through her head.

My companion pauses from her search-

And she starts giggling.

“Did I say something funny?”

“For the short time I’ve known you, you weren’t this much of a worrywart. What happened?”

“A lot happened!”

I jump from my seat, but she doesn’t seem startled.

“Look what happened to you, to me, to my friends! And I even got your sisters involved. Never mind the entire school body!“ In contrast to my agitated face, my escort’s expression is calm, if not unconcerned at all.

“And you, miss Viceroy-Interna, aren’t you the slightest bit concerned about all of this-“

Abruptly, a soft finger hushes my lips. “What are you doing?” “Let’s make this short, shall we?”

I nod my head.

“So, why are you worried?”

Her expression tightens, serious this time.

Wow, I just got caught off track.

Why am I worried?

“Well? Tell me why your pants are full of ants, and I’ll tell you where this wild ride ends.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a few minutes of silence, I finally manage to recollect my thoughts.

“I just don’t want you- any of you- to get hurt again. We’re supposed to be disciplined, well behaved students, and these past few events have shown the opposite.”

Although many things have taken place, I really don’t want to recall any specifics at the moment.

Still, I guess I have to tell her what I really feel.

“I fear the worst is yet to come, and that this trip is just the beginning. I could have done this alone, and you came with me.”

I look directly at her eyes, trying to see what she is thinking.

“Is that what you really think-“

Her eyes stare back at mine, searching for any hint of hesitation.

“No, is that what you really feel?”

“Yeah. I’ve caused you all a lot of trouble – even now – and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

I lean back on the sofa, exasperated.

“I guess I’m just tired.”

Silence fills the air for a short time.

Maybe I’ve answered her wrong.

I suppose I should apologize for what I’ve said.

“Listen, I-“

“Those were the words that I was waiting to hear!”

She reverts back to her joyous aura, smiling again.

“What do you mean?”

Turning back to the refrigerator, she fishes out a can and tosses it in my direction.

“What’s this- ale?”

Malted barley from the Conforma-controlled islands-

This is ale, alright.

“That’s correct!”

She gets another can, pops it open, and pours it slowly into one of the glasses.

“If you are really tired, then why didn’t you say so?”

“Shouldn’t you have done this at the beginning of the trip?”

Looking around the cap, it seems to be golden ale-

That means it’s at most five percent alcoholic. Not much, but-

“Are you sure we could drink this?”

“You’re still worrying, Kael. Of course we can. Or maybe-“

The girl stands slowly from her seat, glides slowly across to mine, and starts scooting next to me.

“-you think something will happen? It’s just the two of us here, you know?”

“Again, you’re trying to imitate your sister. I told you, it doesn’t suit you at all.”

“That’s not what I had in mind, but thanks for the compliment.”

“Look, I’m not going into an institution-funded trip drunk, alright?”

Mumbling lightly, she takes the can from me.

“I suppose I should tell you where we are destined, then. However-“

She opens the lid and pours it on the other glass, then hands it to me.

“First of all, do you trust me, Kael?”

Moving even closer, she starts to lean on my shoulder.

“It’ll be hard to do so if you start acting like that, you know.”

“I am not repeating my question~”

She raises her glass in the air, nudging me to do the same.

I guess I’ll just concede to her wish, then.

“Of course I do. What else would I say?”

“Good. Cheers?”

“Cheers.”

I briefly raise my own glass, and then start taking a short taste.

Beside me, the Viceroy-Interna also sips hers slowly.

Quite bitter, but it does give that warm feeling.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Almost a dozen cans later, I peer down on the refrigerator, hoping to find some more.

“Is there some left, Kael?”

However, there’s no ale left, just plenty of other beverages with way higher proof.

“We’re all out, sorry.”

“That’s too bad.”

I finish what’s left of my glass, and put it down on the table.

Or did I just slam it down? I don’t know, honestly.

“Hey, those are pretty treasured glasses, you know. Are you angry?”

“Not really-“

Feeling a light haze seeping on my head, I nod down, clutching it lightly.

“I don’t know.”

“Are you a light drinker, Kael?”

This girl tilts her head, looking on my face.

“Why ask now, when we’ve drank a whole bunch of beer?”

“I suppose it has something to do with your beet red face.” “My what?-“

“Here, see for yourself.”

Chuckling, my companion hands me a mirror, a circular one with an aquamarine rim.

The self that I see, though, is no different from the usual.

“I don’t see anything different. Are you sure about-“

Looking at her face, I can see a bright flush of red on her cheeks.

“Oh, now I see it, just not on my face! You’re the one that’s drunk.”

Startled, she skips from her seat, covering her face.

“Hey now, you can’t just blame your carelessness on me, I am completely sober.”

As if to oppose her statement, I hear a slight hic emanate from her lips.

I flash a huge grin, looking at her amusingly.

“That’s it, give me that mirror!”

“Why? We both know who the careless one here is!”

I hide the mirror in my back so she can’t get it.

“I am perfectly fine, and I will show it to you!”

“You’re riled up! You’ve never been this riled up- I knew it, you are definitely-“

“So says the ungentlemanly brute who won’t even give this lady her reflection!”

Fidgeting to reach my back, the drunken girl unknowingly presses something else.

Before I knew it, the couch we’re fighting on reclines into a bed.

What I should be nothing, however, is that I’m in a pretty precarious situation.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you calm now?”

I mutter silently, hoping not to agitate the girl on top of me.

Silence.

“Hey look, I’m sorry, but you’re the one who urged us to-“

“I can’t believe you saw me like this.”

Trembling, she starts to speak.

“Even I worry too, you know, especially when it comes to my friends.”

She puts her left hand on my scalp, massaging it.

“Especially- when it comes to friends like you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, so could you please move-“

“I’m tired as much as you are, Kael. I didn’t want to show you that, otherwise this trip would have been for naught.”

“What are you saying?”

“What I am trying to say is that we are here to put behind everything for now.”

She rests her head on my shoulder, unmoving.

“This trip isn’t funded by the IHC. Rather, call it a family vacation, if you will. Plus you.”

“Hey, Aqua, are you serious?”

“Yes, Karl Immanuel, we’re going to one of our vacation homes. Or-“

Slowly, my ears felt the breath of Inquesta High College’s Viceroy-Interna, Aquariscia Maejima.

“Do you really want to take responsibility for your actions now?”

After muttering these words, Aqua finally falls asleep.

“If you start acting like that, I just might.”

I start laughing at the sleeping girl, albeit silently.

“Alright then, time to relax.”

And as if on cue, the vehicle stops.

The window rolls down, and I hear another familiar voice.

“Oh my, Karl Immanuel. Associating with my little sister again?”

#sidestorieslol

The Solace of the Three, Introduction

[this wouldn't make any damn sense, I fear.

But if does, it means you've been reading some of my stuff, so thanks for that, at least

I guess I'll be updating it here, for now.]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Comfortable-

Now that I think about it, I never really gave myself time to feel that way.

Although I do believe that it is a wonderful feeling-

I also think that it is ultimately pointless.

Sure, at the moment you do feel elated and relaxed.

However, that feeling is immediately lost once any happenstance disrupts that reprieve.

Additionally, a significant part of the mind will now be stuck on one thing-

I wish I was back in that place, that time, that feeling.

It is something that is continually sought yet easily taken.

A sane man would not even think of desiring such a thing.

Would he?

Deep in the middle of a frigid winter, a vehicle plows through the night.

Inside is a young man who has no idea where he is headed.

His name: Karl Immanuel Mathias.

In this familiar yet foreign land, he is both a citizen and a stranger.

Currently, he is a student, learning this place’s ways.

This man, Kael as his friends call him, is now gazing outside, peering at the frosty winds-

And the empty abyss that waits beyond it.

His mind, however, is far from empty at this moment.

In a short period of time – at least by his standards – he has gone through several events that he could not have imagined years before.

Then again, he had been doing nothing but sleep in those same years.

Burdened with a coma for half a decade, Kael had opened his eyes to a new land, with new people-

He had awoken to a new life.

Since then, these past few months had him pit against years of changes around the world-

And as the vehicle he resides speeds through the chilly dusk,

His mind races to but one thought:

Where am I headed in my new life?

#sidestorieslol

Full Circle... or is it?

Two hours after the arranged time of our rendezvous, I was still waiting alone. So that must be your answer. The passers-by on the street and the floating clouds were laughing at my stupidity. It's so easy, and yet so difficult, for I can move on as soon as I accept reality. Unable to believe it, not wanting to believe it, I must be a clown inside your mind, aren't I? Ah, I spin and spin, and am tired of spinning. Ah, my breath, my breath has run out. Yes, this is the sad end of my fate. I am still unable to reach you. Ah, I spin and spin, and am tired of spinning. (Ah, I spin and spin, and am tired of spinning.) Ah, my breath, my breath, my breath is stopping. (Ah, my breath, my breath, my breath is stopping.) Ah, that things will begin to change, ah, is a scary thought. I quit. I'm not waiting here for you anymore. Otherwise, I really will end up breaking. Ah, I spin and spin, and am tired of spinning. Ah, my breath, my breath is stopping. Yes, I am the clown that you desire. Please command me as you wish.

This has been my fate from the start, hasn't it?

#a princess yet a clown

its been a long time,

but today, my little brother asked for help

about html, usage of tags and stuff

and i loathe the fact that this simple script

not even a programming language mind you

took me a few more minutes than it should

its like i didn't even do programming for the past 4 years

how useless must i have been

how little must i have learned

But,

what i loathed more than that

is how he was enjoying every single detail

that i was teaching him

as if it was the most magical thing in the world

and i hate it

i hate that i used to know the same feeling

but eventually turned into sour graping

it has always been like that though

whether it's about games, money, women

even the concept of succeeding

where i would see others brandish their accomplishments

and feel joy and pride in them

i could only see bitterness and pain

about how i could never do those things

No,

about how i stopped trying those things anymore.

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