#existential catholic

[razedwrong]

I am taking a class called The Study Of Religion (the idea of religion in general) and my professor said something I had never been able to put into words regarding my feelings towards religion and God. She said

“No god can be all powerful and all good.”

That shook me up a bit.

[razedwrong]

There is something funny about being raised catholic. I’ve watched those around me grow over zealous or atheist while I remain in the middle. Stranded.

Sundays I pray to God for change and wonder if he looks at the sky for answers too.

[existentialcatholic]

Corpus Christi - Thoughts about the Eucharist

[I apologize in advance for any incorrect theological terms! My grasp of Sacramental theology is still somewhat new. I am open to polite correction.]

Seeing a lot of posts about Corpus Christi today, I am reminded of how Christ drew me back to the Church through his body. The Catholic teaching of Eucharist and the experience of the Real Presence played major roles in my conversion. I knew going in that this area of theology was a large experiential motivator for me. I did not know that said experiences would become even stronger.

When I was growing up, I was taught that the Lutheran Church believed in transubstantiation. Now, I know that is not correct and that they actually believe in consubstantiation (still a little annoyed at that youth pastor). Regardless, my Catholic upbringing and my familiarity with the concept of bread and wine becoming Christ’s body and blood allowed me to accept the Catholic Church’s teaching of transubstantiation easily. I always knew that Catholics consumed more than a symbol at Mass and I understood the power of the Sacrament.

When I first began to attend Mass regularly, I understood Catholic teachings on the Eucharist on an intellectual level. As I attended Mass and sought to join the Church, I began to gain an experiential understanding. I would look to the altar during the Liturgy of the Eucharist and perceive the power of the bread and wine before me. There was a longing deep in my heart to know Jesus and to pursue him and take the Sacrament regularly. I waited until the day of my Confirmation to participate in the Sacrament and it was joyful. My heart raced and I almost started laughing for joy.

Fast forward to this week. Since I began to receive Communion regularly, I have not always experienced that same emotion and longing that I once did. I am totally fine with that--the point of Mass is not what I feel, but rather worship of and closeness with God. But this week, I have felt a closeness with Christ and with the Church beyond my past understanding.

I have walked up to receive Communion, received it, returned to my seat, and perceived such a strong love (of God for me and of myself for others) that I could not help but cry. In those moments, reflecting on the greatness of Christ’s sacrifice for me and the beauty of being able to respond to that in love for God and others. And this experience comes at a time when I really need it.