#existential crisis-

[eevee-x3]

when literally everything leaves you feeling empty inside no matter what :) and you feel so ugly all the time and have existential crises every single day and your "best friend" literally cut you off with no explanation after a decade of friendship and being there for her but u kno :) keep on slowly dying :)

[hagakrure]

honestly the dream that i had  last night was ???

dont read if you dissociate easily

i. dont remember most of it but i wasn’t me? the real me had ‘died’ or something and i was like. my face was completely different i had narrow eyes and braces and long blonde hair and i was taller and tanned but i felt? i felt like i was me as in i hadnt changed at all and i was how i am at this current time but i also felt like i was this person i was in the dream? i wasn’t ella but i was someone completely different and these were both working in sync at the same time (if you’re confused basically i felt like i was still myself - ella but at the exact same time i felt like this new identity and it wasnt my dream self saying this because now i think about it it felt like my actual brain was saying it - for the record, whenever i have dreams about myself it isnt from my pov its like im watching me on a screen)

and i was talking to mum and the side of me (this was subconscious like it wasnt my dream self beig confused it was my actual non-dream brain telling me this fake identity was wrong) that knew i was ella kicked in and i startedyelling at my mum shit like “but i am ella!!” “that’s my identity” “this isnt me this isnt right it feels odd(referring to the fake blonde identity)” and she kept going no ellas dead she doesnt exist

 and this wasnt a fake family i had this was my real, in real life family and i just felt like. i didnt ecist like ella wasnt real and im not real and its jst. idk it felt so real and it freaked me out?