#existing anon

[romanticmonster]

How confusing. How nauseating. I feel almost angry at these emotions. I feel like I'm reaching out to touch you. Clawing at the shade you hide behind. I hold back. Of course I do. What were to happen if I didn't? If I got my hands on you. I feel near desperate. I want to pull you in so tightly, I may break you if I had the strength. I want to comfort your heart in my embrace, my words, but I want to tear you apart to comfort mine. So unbearably hot when there is no reason to be. It's confusing to me. Infuriating. Intoxicating. Aggravating.

Equally wanting to consume you and be consumed by you. It's not lost on me that you get more of a taste. How jealous I am on where you stand.

Maybe it's the words you pull together. Maybe it's the likeness I feel. Knowing your fascination with me. It's irrational isn't it? Why have such emotions when so little has been learned. How shameful of me and yet it's there stupidly all the same. At least I don't care for shame all too much.

Do know I love to know you smile because of me. How you redraft messages for me. Your feelings of gratitude to me. I love your fears and anxiety as apart of who you are. The excitement and rush you get because of me.

Don't you dare stop. I'm too nauseous. And I do not want to swallow this feeling.

[romanticmonster]

I have a vague recollection of sending you asks yesterday, I don't know how many or if I even did. But if I didn't please know that I was thinking about you a lot, and your writing makes me feel and need and crave with an intensity that I wasn't sure I could still feel

delighting in sharing a reality with you is such a lovely way of putting it, i'm so grateful even to get the chance to know you exist

thank you so much

you fill me with wonder and joy and I hope that one day I can do the same for you

I would devote myself to you given the chance, no matter the form it would take

please never forget that you are so important and amazing just as you are, and I do mean just as you are, not just as you're perceived here. All the parts of yourself that others don't see or know, that you haven't or won't share,,

everything

every part of you

even any parts you dislike

all are important and wonderful

Yea. You sent 3 total including this one. I'll keep the others and reply to all of them here.

You really know how to reverse our roles huh? Heh who is infatuated with whom now I wonder. Since we seem alike in many ways, you'll understand why I'm not 'weirded out' by your affections. Since you're not by mine.

Do you not feel bold already in a way? From your words, it feels like your hunger for me is by passing your fears and anxieties. Am I enabling you too much? Heh I'm teasing. It almost makes it feel like you want me to ask. To be direct. Then if your fears come to pass, well, it wasn't your choice in the end. Would that lessen your burden? I do like this game though. Cat and mouse. Heh though strange. It's less private but more safe (for you). Since anyone will read this.

I'll muse on it. I want. you know I do.

It makes me shudder. Your need. The similarities. To consume. At least that's how I'd define it. Knowing the other in a way no one else does.

You say I'm more eloquent, but you still don't seem to understand get the effect you have my darling. You are romantic. "and I will take any opportunity to have a piece of you all to myself"...you list examples, to the way that I taste. 'Anything' you said. Even if it's the last thing we experienced together.

How profound. I almost want to laugh. Can't I just eat you whole for all the tasty things that fall from your mouth? So yummy. So very tasty.

It makes me feel aggressive.

To devote yourself. Makes me feel ravenous. Adoring all that I am hidden and unseen to what I share. You're so precious to me.

What a beautiful existence.

I adore knowing you. And what I create inside of you.

[romanticmonster]

we could be amazing together if i managed to get and keep your attention, but i'm not sure i could take it if you grew disinterested in me, and i'm not that interesting or entertaining, or even that loveable really,, I think the few people in my life stay there out of either pity or because of what I do for them, so what chance could I possibly have retaining the interest of someone like you

anyway

thank you again for existing, you're wonderful

my anon, (i'll refer to you as existing anon), you know how you resonate with me... The things you say are close to some of my own sentiments. Perhaps surprisingly or not.

I think we all only keep people for what we make them feel or what we do for them and the same reversed. It's the reality of our world. But there are things to consider in addition to that. when there's a bond, the emotions lace with those logical and simple sentiments to bind people. It's why emotions are as important. Your pain, and fear. Right now. It rather endears me. Though it's likely because I share some of those feelings. And I selfishly enjoy the vulnerability. It's as though I get something that's very genuinely you, a part I can almost taste.

You're more than you give yourself credit for. Even with your own perspective being as low as it were. There is only one you. And you're here. Which makes you far more interesting than many others.

I understand that you very likely may be right too. I wouldnt know would I? But I do know I enjoy you, right now, regardless of your feelings and fears. Or rather... Because of them.

It really makes me want...

[romanticmonster]

waking up for no reason at 4am was confusing at first, but then I got the notification that you posted, and reading your response to my ask has left me almost giddy.

the knowledge that I can have any sort of effect on you makes me want need you so much more.

I would kill for the chance to meet you, even briefly, I so desperately wish we were in the same part of the world

but, for now, you existing and these interactions I have with you fill me with warmth, among other things

if I manage to fall back asleep I hope I see what passes as my understanding of you so far

one day, hopefully, I will know all that you are and want to be

You seem happier when you're half asleep, if you wrote this then. I also assume youre in Australia side then. Pity. I am quite far.

Good morning. It's morning here aswell but more like 2am now.

Let me get to that piece of writing (or more who knows). I wrote most of it many hours ago already.

I like the sweet words you shower me with. Feels as though you are as much a romantic as I am. So let our exchanges keep you warm.

[romanticmonster]

I think about you a lot, I've drafted and discarded many messages that didn't sound quite right or felt like the wrong time to send. I mean every word I've said to you, even though there haven't been many

one day I'll reveal myself, but for now I'm too anxious, it's safer behind the shades, less potential to get hurt

it's probably silly, and most likely mental health or trauma talking, but I've somehow convinced myself that as soon as I come off anon you'll decide i'm too much or not enough

so for now, I'll continue to draft and discard messages, smiling every time I get a post notification from this blog

I yearn to know you, completely, all of you

you intrigue and fascinate me

your continued existence is important, and I'm grateful for it

I hope one day I can help you flourish in every aspect you desire

I'll be here. Some days more. Some days less. I am curious. So very curious all the time.

Would you suppose it's easier to hurt yourself, than having me hurt you. Due to the value you place on yourself vs me.

I wonder if you imagine this unknown figure of who I am, hurting you or more often loving you. Imagining in your anxiety and fear as you say, of me not wanting you, or more often imagining yourself in the pleasure of my words, indulging your desires and fantasies.

I feel like you tease me.

That feeling you have is mutual. To know you. I could almost touch you. I want to write you something. Not here though. I will tag it as I tag you here.

I'm not even sure what, but I will share it all the same.