This is pretty much everything I hate about the outdoor/cycling/fitness industry. I mean, sure—Expert Voice is arguably not purely outdoor anymore. But like, c’mon—they sent about a dozen emails two weeks back announcing their name change, and their send name and mail server are still “Experticity” and “mail.experticity.com”. Their website is still “experticity.com”. Did they just decide one morning “Oh hey—let’s change our name” and then bought the URL on GoDaddy and figured everything else would just sort itself out? I guarantee you, an old white dude awash in unearned confidence and an out-of-style suit decided they should do this. All the evens I can’t about this, let me tell you. OK—then there’s this product they’re selling. Honestly, I don’t even know what the eff it’s called. I don’t want to know. If it works, it’s doping. If it doesn’t work, it’s a scam. This shit is purely unwinnable EXCEPT for the fact that the average outdoor consumer is like 57 and makes $389k a year and thinks “FUCK BEING OLD SUCKS”.
And I mean, it does suck. I’m barely 36 and all of a sudden I’m breaking bones pretty much every time I hit the ground. BUT DUDE GET OVER IT. Shit happens, even to privileged, white, bicycle-riding, pro-deal-receiving bros like us. You’re going to be getting older and slower and it’s not getting easier and you better learn to fucking deal with it. I know that, y’know, whatever twelve-rider Master’s Cat 4 45+ field you self-segregate into has never forced you to like, develop skills or some shit, but HOLY FUCK YES there are problems in bike racing (as in life) to which you cannot simply apply more watts. The drugs/supplements/aero gear/whatever are not going to resolve that for you and, even in the best of outcomes, will prevent you from learning things that might actually make you better at the sport in which you purport to participate.
So yeah—want to be fit for summer? Quit your stupid-ass, unearned-confidence-inspiring, overpaid, domain-change-fumbling, suit-wearing job. Hire a good coach who understands the inevitable decay to which we’re all signed on. Eat better. Take more naps. Yoga. Foam roll. Gutter people more. Lie about just sitting on and then attack with savagery.
OR JUST ACCEPT the fact that having an actual life and family and professional responsibilities and being a productive member of society and what not involves compromises and trade-offs and some of these might preclude KOMing the local climb every four months and y’know maybe you might still be able to enjoy riding a bike even without it EVEN IF you can spend money on a product that offers you a false hope to the contrary.
