so i just wanted to write down my date DAY because it was so special & i want to remember every single peak of it - and there were so many - because there is no way i'm never leaving this guy behind:
so i was so sleepy & stressed out when he got here that i picked on my guitar and gave it to him so he could distract himself while i laid beside him and listened to him play Opeth acoustic songs to pretended i wasn't soaking already (as if that wasn't obvious) and then we hit off the pool and he played with the kids i babysit on my condo??? and then played board games with my highly competitive mom whilst respecting the fact he couldn't kiss/touch me in public while i was a tiny bit desperate to get a feel of him (which i did whenever we would go by my house to get one thing or another for the barbecue we were also having.)
so when we hit "off duty" time we got by my house again and then he showered alone, which was a missed oportunity honestly, i spent all of the time he was in the bathroom texting my best friend about how i wished i had prompted for us two to shower but then i didn't have the guts to??? oh, and he's so nerdy and nervous that when i had the brilliant idea to tell him to break my bikini open while holding my towel to my bust, he just did it and. . . let me walk away. yeah, yeah, so i showered too, and we just laid cuddling to watch some of his favourite show, Breaking Bad.
we actually went through lots of the afternoon like that just laying down but then i leaned to kiss him and boy was I needing THAT, my legs pratically closed around his knee like it was their primary function and i kissed him while i brushed myself against him almost to completion, fully moaning into his mouth until i HAD to let myself go. that led up to 40 minutes of me trying to hold it together before doing it all again. i didn't feel anything, but i'm pretty sure he told me he got hard from that second investment of mine. some time later, when it was obvious i was hot, he actually got on top of me and kissed me like it was his life mission, almost encapsulating my whole body. well, after that i started prompting we actually get to something - mind you this is his ever first relationship and we've been dating for less than two months now, almost two months actually - and this poor kid just held me tight and we discussed for twenty minutes about what he wanted to and i let him take his time while he figured out what that really was.
what was my surprise when his hands fully emerged from my tummy to inside of my shirt and one of his hands perfectly cupped my left breast - they're a pretty big deal. i laughed at his delayed prompt to do that and then helped him get to cup the two of them & I don't think i ever saw him SO HAPPY. like, really, I was so glad he had the courage to take initiative too. It was just glorious. he got to kiss my neck like he hadn't ever before, just little suckles here and there before kissing right over my heart what felt like a thousand times before I asked if he wanted to check them out for himself. turns out his whole embarrassment just lasted until his initiative because he nodded like a kid before I told him to get them out himself which he had a little of trouble doing because of their weight but he was well compensated, yeah.
again, amazed at everything he could do so he kept on his neck abuse and patting and grabbing of my tits before I took them away from him for a while and told him what I really wanted him to do to me and again, he looked so happy at the mere thought of it. I thought he wouldn't do it because of his doubts about nailing it earlier but I was actually the one scared to lead him on so he asked and slipped his hand from my stomach to the inside of my shorts and with a little guidance he PERFECTLY nailed his way down from my very wet opening to brushing right below my clit and then he began that godawful neck handling again and I was holding so tight to him and breathing so heavily, pretty sure his other hand was on my tit too just HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I can remember the actual velvety feeling of his fingers and how I tried to make him finger me but his two fingers would just slip through my cunt from how wet it was and it was the best feeling I ever had. just that.
it was so overwhelming that I didn't get to cum but It didn't hurt, in a way it was like it wouldn't happen so I pushed his fingers to my mouth and suckled on them as hard as I could before kissing him and just relishing on what had happened. we spent the rest of the afternoon and the early night on that aftermath, just proud of him for what he had overcame and love washed and bamboozled. like. I'm so glad we gave that step, and I don't fully know what'll mean for us later, but I'm not even a tiny bit afraid. I WANT MORE. I want him to find out how good and releasing it feels to come, I want him to feel my walls clenching around his fingers so he'll know I love him and I want him to feel my nips harden to his brush and those devilishy lips to close around my throat again and to leave a MARK.
this man actually caressed my breasts while saying, though he knew - and how I loved that phrasing - they had to go at some point that he would miss them and that he GOT IT WHY which made me feel just so appreciated because I know he loves me for what I am and I couldn't love him for being any less of a person that he is. he makes my heart want to explode, and the very thought of him going away makes me want to die.
there's so much I want to insert here. I want to know how he feels about reading this; that being my perspective of everything because of course it wasn't just about the third base getting to part and I also love how he also sees it that way, but about how comfortable he grew about me. I don't care about putting him to learning how to do these sort of things because I'm learning with him too and there's no terror of him going missing because I know what we share is love for each other. I know that when I try to milk information from him and just look at how his eyelashes close perfectly when he blinks and how his arms feel like they were made to fit around my throat that he knows I'm looking and I hope that he's no longer afraid of me perceiving him. the only thing I'm afraid of, really, is scaring him but so far so good because he seems to like every single thing I do - even if it's on the slightest, sometimes.
I love his family. I love getting to know facts about him I lie to not believe. I love his hobbies. I love our shared tastes. I love his hands. I love his mind. I love thinking about our future. I hate the uncertainty of our stability together. I almost always hate the way people perceive us. I love his deep voice. have I mentioned his arms, amazing arms. I love when I know he's having fun. I love providing that fun. I love the suffocating feeling that comes with this sort of love. I love his body hair. I love his humour. I love being a boy who's in love with other boy that's gonna grown into a man together with him. I love that he gets it's way more than our bodies and way more than gender, even. I love that he loves me too & that I'm sure that's right.
other highlights of the afternoon? got to show him around my condo, make him eat good, laugh with his dad through his phone, discuss his favourite show & enjoy it for I like it too and there's no pretend between us, create inside jokes about a speed racing runner Gods-know-why, learning how his mouth tasted like again and again, seeing his wild hair and laughing about it along with him seeing mine, disappearing from the world together for a while, wearing his giant flip-flops and proving his feet are way longer than mine actually and talking undercovers about Winx porn.
you know what. I think we're doing pretty good, barizon :)