16 stages of putting on false eyelashes
…that every girl experiences at least once.
1. Read instructions on the back.
2. Oh, okay. Looks easy enough.
3. Let me take everything out of the box…
5. Oh, right, I have to wait 30 seconds for the “glue to become tacky” (because the longer you leave the glue the more kitsch the glue becomes? Do I really want to put something tacky on my eye?)
6. Its been long enough, right? Yes. Okay. Let me try the first eye. Should be quick.
7. That was my eyeball. Aaand now it’s on my eyebrow. Let me take this off and start again.
8. Reread the instructions. I must be doing something wrong?!
9. Ahhh okay no I see now. This is so easy.
10. Should I reapply the glue? *Check glue* Nope the glue is tacky (still questioning this choice).
11. Let me do this slowly. Okay good, corner is aligned. This isn’t too bad. Why did I get it on my eyeball the firs-
12. -IT’S ON MY EYEBALL AGAIN! NOPE NOPE NOPE! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!
13. Let me try the other eye instead.
14. Hallelujah! Think I got it? Let me open my eye and make sure it looks good.
15. I can’t see (!!) How do people see with these things?! Maybe it takes some getting used to? Let me get dressed while I wait for my vision to adjust (focus needs to shift from the lashes to what is actually in front of me)
16. I just walked into the corner of the table. I just tripped over the rug. I just put my shirt on backwards. And now I’m on the floor (don’t ask). Officially not adjusting!! Get these things off! *Rips off lashes… along with some skin*
That was horrible and traumatic. I am NEVER trying that again!!
…17. (One year later) ooh that looks super cute but I need false lashes. Oh! I have some! Let me try them! *Repeat*