[Commentary: Please understand that all of this has my heart inserted into this after paying too much for a game dear to me, yet disappointing. Beemov, I hate to bother you as it seems to be a waste of time, but please… Listen to your readers, at least to the demographic you aim for and their constructive criticism. Your game has so much potential, it could be so much more, and it breaks my heart that it’s not. Please, for our sake… We have been loyal to you for so long. This fanfic is here because I loved the original story and characters – with its flaws all included, and ultimately, we love your characters (at least the original), and just want a game that gives them justice, that doesn’t make us feel used more so than enjoying a story]
Warnings: cheesy, so damn cheesy, level of extra layers of cheese, ALSO CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR BOTH ORIGINS AND NEW ERA SEASONS
Works: Ezarel (this one) | Nevra | Valkyon | Leiftan (Valkyon and Leiftan in the works)
When I chose you
It felt right.
The way you held me tight,
The way you would brighten
Up my day would
Bring sparkles in your eyes
That I wouldn’t be able to forget.
When things went south,
When people silenced my mouth,
When you let me down,
It took my time to count on you again.
Yet, here I stand, in your arms,
In your scent and your comfort,
In your loving embrace, forever.
Crystal or not, you were an ever-lasting
believer in me when I was in need.
Who could blame you for leaving,
for your sacrifice or getting
Over me?
In the end, I love you, still,
And whether you come back or not,
All of the memories, the emotions
Will never escape them,
Even if Mnemosyne’s spell
Would compel me to do so.
Nothing would make me get over you.
Nothing would make me want to lose you again.
My sacrifice should not be in vain,
And your happiness is what I need to
See as best for you.
Yet… Just so you know,
I love you still, and have not forgotten.
[Ezarel]
It has been… A while, apparently. The war has worn all of us down, and I can’t imagine that Ezarel wasn’t caught with it’s consequences either. I wouldn’t have wanted for Valkyon to die, for Ezarel to lose me, for Ykhar to die, for Leiftan and me to sacrifice ourselves, or just all of this death to happen around me. But, here I am, selfish enough to hope, and to dream of a future with the man I grew to love 7 years ago.
I have travelled on a Chau’Kobow for seemingly weeks. Huang Hua has granted me the wish to travel to him after a letter has forewarned him. It took a lot, and I repeat, a lot of convincing to ask that of her. Why would Ezarel want to retreat with Twylda and Marie-Anne in a completely different place? I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care. The crystal seems to need me less and less, and Mathieu will have to suffice to explain the whole ordeal with the human world molding with ours.
Hoping that his reaction won’t be as cold as Nevra’s, I ask myself more often than not if I am desperate with what I am doing, and try to avoid the obvious.
When I arrive at the destination, in the far horizon of this clear grass, I can see it – a house, far away from all the trouble. It feels like yesterday when he asked me if we could just ditch the guard once the whole war would be over.
I still wouldn’t hesitate to take the offer… But would he?
Only one way to find out. With a deep, shaky breath, I approach the far house with an increasing pulse. My whole body practically aches to hug him again.
As I come closer, I realize that the whole village seems to be part of a more peaceful and modest community. Having got to know Ezarel, I bet it would be a change of heart to his former life – a complete new beginning. It must be just what he wanted.
Slowly, I get down from the Shau’kobow, taking the last steps to the house. I can’t help but take deep breaths again and again, but it wouldn’t work on slowing my heartbeat.
The door is nice and wooden, just as modest as the town and it’s surroundings. I even see my own hand shiver when I try to knock on the door when suddenly, I a loud noise of heavy weights falling on the ground from behind me alerts me.
Turning around, I instinctively lay a hand on my weapon.
And there he stands. His mouth and eyes are wide open as he watches me, apparently, the sound came from him dropping a few wood logs. Hopefully, none hit him!
But even when I want to ask if he’s okay, if he wasn’t hurt, it’s as if his eyes held me in place. My body begins to shake even more brutally, and I can see how his wide-eyed expression doesn’t change. Please, don’t let this be a mistake. I wouldn’t be able to bear it…
“Gardienne,” he practically breathes out, as if it stole air from his lungs.
It feels like hours that we look at each other like this. His now wilder, untied blue hair and his ears of course are some of the first indicators of my Ezarel. But his outfit, his demeanor seems much less elegant, witty and intricate. He is wearing a simple top, pants, a belt and boots, seemingly uncaring of his poise. While he (luckily) hasn’t grown the moustache that he has once pranked me with, I can see that he seems more muscular, and that this life has changed him.
And I wasn’t there to see him.
But now I’m here.
Without wanting to, my vision blurs from all the tears that roll down my cheeks, and I can just see that he is going through the same thing.
“How are you doing?” I ask him with a crack in my voice. Seriously, Gardy, can’t you ask for a better thing? He hasn’t seen you for seven years and might have moved on from you, and this is what you ask first?
“I-“
All of a sudden, he approaches me, his eyes still focused on nothing else but my frame. Again, it feels like we are in a bubble again that we have had when we were still in a relationship… It feels like yesterday for me.
Not daring to move until he would be okay with embracing me, he, agonizingly slowly, reaches out a hand to my face. Overall, his shaky hand seems to be moving in slow-motion as he wipes a tear away. Understanding that he might not understand what I might talk about, he finally, finally opens his mouth to speak.
“You’re back? This is not a dream?”
In his voice, I can sense so much pain… Should I have not come? Should I have stayed away after all? The sudden thought ties up my thought, but feeling his hand resting on my cheek is so unbelievably calming. Hesitantly, I lay my hand on his.
“No. Should I pinch you to prove it?” I ask back with a small smile, seeing him smirk back.
“Please do,” he whispers, his voice sore.
Shortly after, I pinch him. His little smirk suddenly disappears as his body crashes against mine and he hugs me all of a sudden. the way he holds me incredibly tight, as if I could vanish any moment. As if time was ticking.
“I’m so sorry, Ezarel. I came back as soon as I could,” I whisper. This time, unlike the times before, he seems to have openly welcomed me, and again, I can see how much the elf has grown ever since the encounter.
I see how his simplicity and aura has toned down a little in its absolutely brash energy, and how much he has missed me. Uncaring of the danger of possibly choking, I tighten my grip around him.
We are shivering in place, and neither of us can say a word.
It feels as if an old system in body has awoken, and finally, it has clicked as to where I belong. Silently, I hear him laugh while his tears drop onto my clothes. This moment I do cherish.
His usual humor seems to have been swallowed in this moment, as he suddenly holds me back by an arm length, and orders me to please go inside and sit – he will just pick up the logs. Of course, I wouldn’t without helping him out, so I grin at him with a telling look.
An exhausted smile is plastered on his face. I can’t help but stare at him a bit before I bend down to pick up the rather heavy logs. After that has been done, both of us give us a look to ensure the other is fine. It must be strange for him to suddenly see me after 7 years.
Soon after, he hurries to the door to open the door. “Why, aren’t you a forthcoming gentleman today?” I smile at him, but his facial expression doesn’t seem as responsive. His smile is weaker as he says: “You learn a lot with two women around you.”
Right. Twylda and Marie-Anne must have made an impression on him. I can’t help but smirk at the image of them reprimanding him for his manners. “Why, if such a chivalrous gentleman appeared in front of me, I would have considered coming sooner,” I try to lighten up the mood, but I might have been too early.
Staring at me, he just drops the log into the corner of the room, and I decide to just do the same. While I see some elegant pieces of vials, and a little bit of a laboratory. I recognize quite a bit from his room and remember what I have seen in his vision. It’s funny how colorful his interior is in comparison to the modest wooden house. Maybe he hasn’t changed that much after all?
Standing at the side of the couch where he has sat himself down, I ask him: “May I sit?” He looks up at me, heightening his brows. He nods, following my movements with his piercing green eyes. With a hand gesture and a nod, he tells me to sit on the sofa next to him.I do so, but with well-kept space as to not overwhelm. For a while, there’s nothing but silence. This time, it’s me who initiates the conversation. “How are Marie-Anne and Twylda?” As he looks back at me with a lopsided smile, he tells me about their state. How they have helped each other to rebuild a new life, a new identity. Marie-Anne, the now healed young woman – who has grown to pass my age – has come back to the state of a helpful human being, with the help of him and Twylda. As well, the two women were able to come to a better path. Honestly, as he tells these things, they seem so incredibly unreal. When I remember Twylda screaming at us to let her to Marie-Anne as she was transported into the H.Q., she wanted nothing but to harm her. She had a lot to go through during those times, and I try to avoid thinking of the events in detail. But as I have heard in the past, I have seen videos on Youtube with a reported case in which the mother would forgive the murderer of their son, even raise them as one of their own. While it appears as a mystery to me, I am neither supposed to judge, nor do I have to understand. If both are happy, that’s all I care about.Well, that, and of course the elf who is telling me about them.“I’m sorry that I left, Gardienne.”Those words suddenly suck all of the established ease out of this room. For the first time since I have arrived, he averts his gaze. “I couldn’t stand the guard anymore. All the pressure, the tasks, all the memories to this place, and… you,” he takes a deep breath to continue. I just shake my head, knowing that he must have had a terribly hard time processing everything.Wouldn’t I also be overwhelmed if he has sacrificed himself for a cause, having me wait for months back then? And with all that happened… The war, the murders, the deaths, betrayals and other dangerous situations, who would I be to blame him?“It’s okay. I heard what you said as goodbye, and I understood. I still do, Ezarel,” I murmur, looking at him and putting my hand on his cheek. His eyes seem to become glassy again.“We’re here now,” I whisper with a smile, “And I am glad that you were doing okay after all. I’ve had a very strong boyfriend.”Swallowing hard, I realize that I don’t know about that aspect yet, and as his eyes shine with so much emotion and compassion, he just mumbles: “I don’t have anyone as of yet. I wasn’t interested, and something told me to wait.” His little smile shocks me in combination with his words. “I guess my instincts were right to do so.”Seven years.It’s been seven years, and he has waited for me. His eyes seem like a confirmation for me to go on, and I immediately lean into him to kiss him with all the passion that I have feared of losing inside the crystal. I was ready to give up on that to save him. And here we are…Did fate finally give me a happy ending?Once we separate to breathe in fresh air, his hands hugging me loosen up to look at me.His eyes shine with love that warm my whole body, and I can’t believe that this is going so fluently. “So, I hope you don’t mind accompanying this chivalrous gentleman in the future?” His eyebrow raises, but I can see that he is happy about me coming.The way I respond might be one of the most typical aspects of our relationship. Tipping with my index finger on my chin, I act pensive saying: “Hmmm… If there was payment involved, maybe I’d consider it? I’m hotly desired, you know?”His smile brightens, and it’s as if our compatibility would never be questioned.We would spend this night together, and the one after, and the days after that to slowly get back to each other.When him and I would strengthen each other in his alchemy business, I realize that he was right with running off all along. He’s all I need after all.
