the uswnt: one big happy crackhead family
dads -vlatko: every time someone scores it looks like it’s his first time ever watching a football game -tobs: toblerone loves her son linessi and her smol child mal -ko: Frat Daddy -saucy sonny: Frat Daddy Jr (see gifs from the canada game) -pinoe: BDE (big dad energy) look at her hair wow moms -alex: literally (almost). also def the mom friend in the AM/KO/AL trio -jmac: literally again -ali: just... mom vibes. plus she’s married to a fuckin child lmao love u ash -our queen cp: MOM JEANS and have u seen her with dogs and/or tobito and mal -abby d: a mom in all ways we stannnnnn uncles, aunts, and more -captain broon: actually no one knows who she’s related to. maybe fbi? -alyssa: U N C L E -ad: the cool aunt but everyone somehow forgets ab her? its ok we love u ad -allie: the one aunt who pranks everyone and then almost shits her pants when someone pranks her instead -dunny: taught all the kids how to dance before they took their first steps -jj: actually could also fit in the mom category but she’s an honorary aunt the children -tierna: can barely legally fucking drink alcohol in the US of A -moe: basically the only youngster who isn’t accidentally burning the house down -mal: a smol soft bean aka tobinho+pressy’s child -rose: chaotic sweet baby rose, a National Treasure -sammy: a very Tall child (no seriously wtf 6 FUCKING FEET ?!?!) -hat trick horan: toblerone’s ptfc son. freakishly tall child number 2 -ash: dont @ me, she 110% belongs here also how does a child even have tattoos grandma -carlos