Name: Fútbot
Debut: Mario Strikers: Battle League
Today we will be talking about famous bad game Mario Strikers: Battle League! I do not care about sports games even if they do contain Shy Guy, but geez, I'm sorry to those of you who do. You just can't catch a break.
But maybe there's hope? Maybe a brand new character, unique to this game, could spark some intrigue? Surely a one-off robot in a Mario game would at least appeal to ME, right? RIGHT?
Wrong! I think Fútbot is stupendously mid. Note that I called it a "robot". Not even a "funny robot". That's how you know I'm serious! As a design, Fútbot has some interesting things going on, I suppose. A propeller for a lower body, a puppety mouth, and a glowing sphere of a "tongue". But it just doesn't do it for me! My favorite part of this character is the cute name.
Fútbot simply feels like a mascot and nothing else. This could be the mascot for anything. An antivirus software. A local TV channel that shows both football and The Big Bang Theory reruns. A week-long STEM summer camp for 8-12 year olds. Fútbot could be anything, and so it feels like nothing.
Fútbot is here to help you and give advice, and I suppose I do like that they made a new character for the role! I have been hard on Fútbot, but I would have NOTHING to say about this game without its presence. I would rather it be here! I also think it's neat that Fútbot is a representative of the Galactic Strikers Federation, implying a bit of new Outer Lore to Mario's universe. I COULD say that it makes sense it wouldn't look like a Mario character, since it's from a galactic organization, not limited to Mario's planet... but we know very well that there are Mario enemies all throughout Mario's galaxy and beyond! No excuse!
There is one great thing about Fútbot. Something I've been saving for the very end. Let's look closely.
These eyes. Bright, glowing cyan, with concentric rings within. They're not an exact match, but they absolutely bring to mind...
URBAN STINGBY LARVA! My beloved! Yeah! Woohoo! Who cares about foot bort or whatever its name is! This has become an Urban Stingby Larva post now!
Wiggle wiggle squirm and squiggle
Funny larva makes me giggle
Instantaneous pupation
Urban Stingby Larva Nation!