IF MY BODY HAD A SAY, I WOULDN’T TURN AWAY ➝ BECHLOE.
TAGGING ➝ Chloe Beale, Beca Mitchell.
LOCATION ➝ Apartment, Prospect Park, dance studio, apartment again.
TIME FRAME ➝ 2/14, afternoon onward.
WARNINGS ➝ None.
NOTES ➝ Beca and Chloe spend a not at all gay Valentine’s Day together. Emotional!Beca. Sad!Chloe. Exotic Dancer!Chloe. Super platonic napping together!Bechloe.
BECA MITCHELL
Beca shuffled through the apartment door around noon on Sunday as she normally did after Jesse weekend visits--clutching a cardboard cup carrier with 3 large coffees and a bag of bagels with an overnight bag slung over her shoulder. She felt bad leaving Chloe for two nights with the kittens alone, but she couldn’t just leave Jesse to himself after he spent money on airfare for what turned out to be a very different, way more permanent weekend visit.
Her mind spun after he’d broken the news to her during their Friday night date, and she’d sort of been dissociating throughout the rest of the weekend, lost in a fog in his shoebox apartment he was super proud of. Having Jesse living in NYC would completely change a long distance dynamic she’d grown used to and comfortable with for the past two years. They could see each other all the time. Hell, she’d probably be expected to move in with him.
And yet… as she closed the door behind her and lay eyes on Chloe, her heart cracked in her chest. She didn’t want to leave their tiny, shitty apartment. She didn’t want to leave Chloe. And what that meant… Beca wasn’t sure she was ready to face that, even though Jesse put her in a position now to face the music.
“Hey, Dr. B,” she greeted with a smile that pulled a bit strained at the edges, setting her bag down before extending the coffee cup to Chloe. Then she shrugged off her coat, unwound her scarf, and peeled off her slouchy beanie, hanging them all up on the coat rack by the door. “How’re you doing? Get enough sleep? I’ll take over kitten duty today so you can take a really long nap if you need one.”
CHLOE BEALE
Chloe really didn’t know exactly what it was about Jesse that she didn’t like. He was fine, he was a nice guy, and he obviously made Beca happy enough, considering how long they’d been together. He had never done anything wrong to her, but she just...didn’t like him. So, weekends like this one, with Beca out of the apartment and spending time alone with Jesse always dampened Chloe’s mood, even if she couldn’t pinpoint exactly why.
Fortunately, she had the kittens this weekend to keep her busy, and they certainly did a good job at that. Even sleeping, which was something Chloe always found incredibly hard without Beca beside her these days, came a little more easily to her, since she was so exhausted. But Chloe didn’t mind; she liked having somebody to care for, five little kittens who needed her, so she wasn’t complaining.
By the time Beca returned, Chloe was sure that exhaustion was written clear as day all over her tired face, but she still pushed a bright grin to her lips, eyes shining as they shot to the coffee cups. She was busy by the sink, cleaning the milk syringes while the kittens slept, but paused to float across the room, eager to accept a drink.
“Hi!” Making grabby hands at the coffee cup, Chloe pulled it tightly to her chest, letting out a contented hum at the very smell. She eyed Beca as she finally took a sip, head shaking in response. “No, it’s okay. It was a good weekend, they all ate a lot and did a bunch of sleeping. Their eyes all open now. I mean, they don’t really stay all the way open, but they’re getting better at it.” Chloe smiled triumphantly. “I’m teaching tonight, though. So are you going to be okay with them for a couple hours then?”
BECA MITCHELL
Cheeks still flushed from her long walk through the cold, Beca carried her large coffee to Chloe’s side of the bed and sat down, grinning at the kittens. “Hey, little goblins! I missed you guys!” She reached into their makeshift bed and stroked their fur, gasping in an over dramatic fashion. “Whaaat? No way! You guys are all opening your eyes? Even you, Purple Princess? And I missed it?? I’ll forgive you but that’s amazing!”
Her head turned back toward Chloe when she mentioned she was teaching tonight, nodding. “Yeah, no sweat. I’ll even make dinner, too. Any requests?”
CHLOE BEALE
Despite the fact that she was around animal lovers all day at both school and her internship, all people who fawned over them and spoke in baby voices whenever they so much as saw an animal, Chloe was almost positive she was never going to not smile at the way Beca acted around the kittens. There was just something overly adorable about her scrappy best friend turning into mush, it made Chloe’s heart flutter.
Plopping down onto Beca’s side of the bed, Chloe laid back against the pillows, resting her drink on her stomach with her fingers wrapped around the cup. “You spoil me,” she teased, glancing toward the ceiling. “I don’t know yet, I’ll think about it.” Mostly to be polite, she added with a small hum, “How was your weekend?”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca had always complained about their apartment, but it had become home in the way the Bellas' house had back at Barden. Not necessarily because of the space itself, but because of her roommates. Her best friends. The thought of leaving someday soon to move in with Jesse… it should’ve been exciting, but it wasn’t.
She carefully scooped up her little Green guy, twisting to lie on Chloe’s pillow in a half-reclining position. Setting the coffee aside, she situated the baby kitten atop her chest (higher up, so as to not brush against her still sore nips). “Good,” she said with a slight shrug. It was easier to keep her focus on the kitten, carding her fingers through his fuzzy fur atop his head. “Jesse moved here.” Saying it aloud made it more real, and anxiety surged in her gut. She knew she should’ve smiled or something, but she remained weirdly emotionally distant instead. Like she was keeping that packaged and set aside to maybe poke at and pick through later.
CHLOE BEALE
Jesse moved here.
For some reason, Chloe’s heart dropped.
It wasn’t a bad thing—it would be awesome for both Beca and Jesse; Chloe had always thought long distance must suck, so she knew she should be happy for them. It didn’t take a genius, however, to figure out what Beca’s long-term boyfriend moving to their city would mean. She’d known that this wouldn’t be forever, this cramped set up in their tiny apartment with their shared pull-out bed, but the thought didn’t make Chloe any less sad.
She had no right to be, though, so instead of saying so, she tilted her head to glance up at Beca. “Oh?” she questioned, offering Beca the most sincere smile she could manage. “That’s really exciting, Bec.” So why didn’t Beca seem excited? Chloe studied her expression for a moment, before adding softly, “Right?”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca had always been a shitty liar. She had no poker face and she knew it. Especially around someone like Chloe, who could read her better than she could read herself. So she knew her smile pulled more like a wince, strained at its edges and completely unconvincing. She didn’t bother meeting Chloe’s eyes, knowing she’d see the swirling conflicting emotions there--sadness, worry, fear. Guilt. So much guilt.
“Yeah, it’s exciting. I had no idea he was planning this, but…” She puffed out a chuckle more strained than her smile, her laughter ringing hollow. “He’s all about the grand romantic movie-type surprises. What a nerd, right?”
CHLOE BEALE
Maybe it was just because Chloe had never had something like this before. After high school, she’d never had a serious boyfriend or girlfriend, so maybe she was just yearning a bit. Yeah, she decided, that had to be it. She should be happy for Beca; Beca was her best friend, she deserved to be so, so happy, and she deserved a best friend who was just as happy for her. So, Chloe pushed back her own feelings, and forced a brighter smile to her face.
“Super nerdy,” she agreed with a small nod of her head. “Definitely kind of romantic, though, right?” She made herself busy with her coffee cup, pushing herself upward a bit to take another sip. Her next question came before she could even stop herself, and with her gaze deliberately away from Beca. “So, you’re moving out?” To ask so aloud caused her heart to twist uncomfortably.
BECA MITCHELL
Beca had never really questioned her relationship. Jesse was an acapella boy, she was an acapella girl. They just… worked. It was easy. He was a great boyfriend, right? Loyal, funny, sweet. What more could she want?
The question stirred up a whole host of anxiety when she realized the answer was more. God, how greedy could she be? Jesse had to be enough for her. Hell, she barely even deserved him as it was.
“Oh! Um--probably eventually, but not yet,” Beca said, finally gathering herself enough to cut a glance at Chloe. “I’d never leave you guys hanging with rent like that. Plus, I mean--I promised I’d help with these little guys and I wanna see that through. So you’re stuck with me a little while longer, Beale. Can’t get rid of me that easily.” Her lips twisted into a smirk despite the sad glint in her eye.
CHLOE BEALE
Although she mentally prepared herself for Beca to throw at her that she was leaving over the next couple days—because why wait, right?—the response that came broke her heart almost as much as the expected one would’ve. ‘Eventually’ would come sooner rather than later. Chloe didn’t mean to let her smile fall the way it did, but caught herself after only a quick pause, pushing it dutifully back into place. “Living with your boyfriend makes sense,” she said with a small shrug, suddenly very much aware of the fact that she needed to not be directly beside Beca right now.
Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she shuffled toward the kitchen, ignoring the uncomfortable swirl in her stomach. “Is it still cold outside?” she asked as she began fidgeting with the syringes again. They were already clean, but Chloe started the whole process over, shuffling uncomfortably from foot to foot. A walk sounded good right now.
BECA MITCHELL
Chloe wasn’t wrong. Living with her boyfriend definitely made sense. It should be exciting, not having to be long distance after spending two years dealing with Facetimes and only managing visits every other month or so.
So why did she feel so… not excited?
Especially when Chloe got up, putting distance between them. Taking in a shaky breath and focusing back on the kitten now curled up on her chest, Beca nodded. “Yeah. Freezing. Are you, um--going somewhere now?” Beca kinda hoped they could hang out. After a weekend away from Chloe, she kinda missed her… weird as that was.
CHLOE BEALE
Why she so adamantly needed to put a little distance between herself and Beca right now, Chloe wasn’t sure. Maybe she’d just gotten too dependent on her company, and realized she needed to get used to not being in it so much. The idea of actually leaving, though, after a whole weekend apart, really wasn’t the most appealing, so Beca’s response was apparently enough for her to talk herself out of it.
“Oh, okay,” she nodded, shoulder shrugging once again. “No. I was going to go for a walk maybe, but not if it’s still cold.” She could at least put the tiny apartment’s worth of distance between them, so Chloe hopped up onto the small counter, eyes down on the syringes she’d begun to dry.
BECA MITCHELL
“I could walk,” Beca blurted before she could really help it. “If you want company? I mean, it’s cold but we could bundle up. I just…” She blew out a puff of air. “I feel like I need to get out and move around all of a sudden.” Anything but being trapped in that apartment with Chloe and her shitty thoughts. She frowned at the box of kittens. “Unless--do they need me to stay? We can leave ‘em for like, half an hour or so, right? Do a lap around the park trail or something?” Chloe had just washed the syringes, which hopefully meant they were all fed and could spend a little time without their watchful eyes.
CHLOE BEALE
Chloe didn’t necessarily want to walk. Like Beca had said, it was freezing out, and she’d get plenty of exercise when she taught her exotic dancing class this evening. She just wanted to clear her mind, because Chloe might not know much of anything else right now, but she knew she was certainly not supposed to be feeling this sad about her best friend taking a normal next step with her boyfriend. Her gaze drifted toward Beca then, though, with Chloe tilting her head. “You want to walk with me?” she questioned, glancing briefly toward the dreary weather out the window. “They’re okay on their own for a little bit. They’re just sleeping right now, anyway.” She shot Beca a small smile, not her usual bright, excited one. “We can walk.”
BECA MITCHELL
While Beca bottled her emotions as best as she possibly could, Chloe wore hers on her sleeve. So even oblivious Beca sensed the shift in her mood--which Beca of course chalked up to the sadness at talking about Beca moving out in the near future. Beca was sad, too. Maybe a little too sad, but she’d always been bad at handling life transitions anyway.
“Cool. Gimme a couple minutes.” Beca carefully settled Green Goblin back into his bed with his siblings before pushing out of bed. Then she made sure to dress in her warmest clothes, layering up shirts and socks with her puffy black coat, turquoise beanie, scarf, and mittens, and her combat boots laced up high.
Ten minutes later, Beca walked beside Chloe in comfortable silence as they headed toward Prospect Park. Thanks to the recent winter storm, the park trail was clear but a beautiful blanket of bright white snow reflected the sunlight overhead on the grassy grounds around them. Snow lined the branches of the leafless trees lining the path. (It kinda felt like a Kinkade painting, Beca mused in her head.) A stinging chill lingered in the air but at least it wasn’t actively snowing anymore. “So what’s your topic covering in class tonight?” Beca asked, half curious and half teasing as she forced a playful sort of smirk in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Does it involve a pole?”
CHLOE BEALE
Already wearing thick inner lined leggings and a sweater, Chloe shuffled around in near silence, only humming quietly to herself every now and then, as she dressed for their impromptu walk. She almost wished she’d taken Beca up on that nap offer instead, but soon she was dressed in a thick red coat, scarf, gloves and boots, and after checking on the sleeping kittens once more, she headed out into the cold by Beca’s side, grateful for the fresh air.
Her phone buzzed in her back pocket—Tinder people were way more desperate on Valentine’s Day—but Chloe ignored it, instead just taking in the snow-covered surroundings. She lifted her head at the sound of Beca’s voice. “There’s always a pole involved,” Chloe grinned, clasping her gloved hands together as they walked. “Special Valentine’s class, though. Lots of sensual music… I’m basically going to be getting people worked up and then sending them home to their partners to finish Valentine’s Day the right way, huh?” Her nose wrinkled. “Shouldn’t you be spending the day with Jesse?”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca snorted. “That’s super generous of you. I hope you get some good tips or whatever.” She wasn’t sure why, but she really didn’t like talking about Chloe’s side gig. No offense to exotic dancers or anything--Beca wasn’t judging them. It just made Beca feel weird thinking about Chloe doing that in front of people. Some of whom might be creepy weirdos.
At the mention of Valentine’s Day, Beca shook her head. “We basically considered yesterday Valentine’s Day since I always come home on Sunday. Told him I had work to do before I go back to the office tomorrow.” Which… wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t really the full truth? She didn’t have a pressing deadline, but she always had work she could be doing.
Beca waited until they reached the snow-dusted Lullwater Bridge, standing in the center and turning to look out over the frozen water below. Hands in her pockets, her frozen breath escaped in a visible cloud. “I don’t know why I’m not stoked,” she muttered after a minute or so, barely audible.
CHLOE BEALE
“Always happy to help them,” Chloe winked. Someone might as well enjoy a wild Valentine’s night on her account; it wasn’t like Chloe was going to get one. At least she wasn’t alone, though. As much as she’d wanted to escape Beca’s presence before, she found that she was grateful for it now. The park looked super pretty, like something from a painting, and having her best friend by her side made it even better somehow.
As much as she didn’t want to think about how Beca and Jesse had spent their day-before-Valentine’s together—because nobody wanted to think about their best friend doing that, right?—a part of her was kind of curious. Especially after what Stacie had told her… Of course, she wasn’t going to bring that up, so Chloe only nodded. “Well, I’m sorry to Jesse, but I’m glad you’ll be my Valentine’s date. The kittens are super cute, but the conversation is always kind of one-sided.”
Naturally pausing at the same time, Chloe shuffled toward the wall of the bridge, peering down into the ice, then instinctively began to run her glove covered finger through the built up snow. It was very peaceful, in spite of the cold, and Beca’s volume seemed to be in keeping with the calmness around them, despite the actual words. Chloe glanced toward her, softened eyes studying her expression. “About Jesse?”
BECA MITCHELL
Lips pulled inward as she kept her eyes trained on the serene scene before her, her head jerked upward and bobbed a few times. Maybe she’d been second guessing her relationship for a while. Maybe a little longer than she cared to admit. But voicing it--dealing with it--Beca didn’t think she was strong enough to do that.
Chloe never judged her. Even in Beca’s darkest moments, her best friend remained a constant source of support. Beca knew she wouldn’t judge her now. Not ever.
She didn’t deserve Chloe.
Just like she didn’t deserve Jesse.
Removing her hands from her pockets, she crossed her arms over her chest, clenching her jaw against the wave of emotion lodged in her throat. Beca didn’t realize a single tear had slipped free until a breeze picked up and it stung her cheek, and she hurried to brush it away with her mitten-covered knuckle.
CHLOE BEALE
It wasn’t like Chloe was under the delusion that Beca and Jesse’s relationship was perfect. Again, Stacie had let a few things slip recently that would hint at the exact opposite, but Chloe didn’t fully understand Beca’s reaction.
She only watched her, continuing to study her expression, and in doing so watched as her eyes began to gloss over with a shine that completely tore Chloe’s heart in two. Back-stepping from the wall to move closer to Beca, Chloe reached out a gloved hand to settle comfortingly against her upper arm. “Hey, it’s okay,” she said in a softer voice, concern lacing her tone. “Bec, it’s a really big step, you know? You’ve been living really far apart for the last two years, I bet it has to be kind of scary that that’s going to change.” It wasn’t like Beca would even be able to feel it through her puffy coat, but Chloe gently ran her fingertips against her arm, hoping to soothe her somehow. “You’re allowed to be scared.”
BECA MITCHELL
“Shit. Sorry,” Beca croaked, willing herself to get her shit together. She didn’t want to lose it--not ever, really--but definitely not in front of anyone. Even Chloe. “I’m not scared.” Not of what Chloe was suggesting, at least.
Despite herself and her innate desire to bolt, Beca leaned into Chloe instead, craving warmth and maybe a bit of comfort. Clearing her throat, she swallowed hard. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she muttered, blowing out another hard, decompressing breath. Gathering her courage, she glanced back to Chloe and forced a watery smile. “I’m fine. I’m really stressed, y’know? Work’s been a huge pain lately and I haven’t really been sleeping super great… but I’m fine.” The last thing she wanted was Chloe worrying about her.
CHLOE BEALE
Chloe’s confusing feelings, her apparent devastation over something as silly as her best friend eventually moving out of their tiny apartment, paled significantly in comparison to Beca’s. Seeing Beca sad was a rarity, especially like this, and the protective part of her immediately pushed its way to the forefront, wanting to offer her any kind of comfort she could. “It’s okay,” she promised in the same soft voice, “Nobody should ever apologize for feeling.”
Stress sucked, Chloe knew what it could do to a person, but this just felt different somehow. Although she nodded along with Beca’s explanation, her hand slipped from Beca’s arm, until she could instead wrap her small frame in a one-armed hug. She expected Beca to push her off, of course, but whatever she could do to help, she’d try. In spite of herself, of wanting to agree and let Beca voice her feelings, Chloe let out a small sigh, head shaking gently this time. “I don’t think you’re fine, Bec.”
BECA MITCHELL
It honestly felt different than regular stress to Beca, too--but stress was as close as she could come to describing the sensations wracking her body. Like she wanted to run away for a while. (And Beca hated running, so that meant it was pretty serious.) She leaned into Chloe instead, trusting that gut instinct to not be alone right now. “Maybe I’m not,” she allowed, again knowing Chloe would figure out Beca’s feelings before Beca would based on their track record. But she really didn’t think she was ready to unpack anything right now. (Not that she’d ever be.) After a beat, she puffed out another strained chuckle. “Wow, I’m a pretty shitty Valentine’s date, huh?”
CHLOE BEALE
Although she wasn’t going to push, Chloe also wasn’t going to let Beca battle her feelings alone. She waited patiently for Beca to think them through, arm tightening to hold her a little closer. Two grown women huddled together in the middle of the park probably looked weird to anybody passing by, but Chloe always found it easy to lose herself in their small bubble, so it didn’t matter to her. She nodded when Beca agreed, though let out a soft chuckle then. “I don’t know, you’re the best Valentine’s date I’ve had this year,” she tried, squeezing a little tighter, before letting go, hand once more settling against Beca’s arm. “Want me to get Charlotte to cover for me tonight? I don’t think she’ll mind. We can cuddle up with the kittens and watch a movie.” A mischievous smile stretched onto her lips. “A super cheesy one.”
BECA MITCHELL
One perk about the frigid temperature was the relative emptiness of a typically busy as hell park. Beca didn’t really care if anyone thought they were weird, anyway. (Plus, it was really hard to flip someone off while wearing mittens.) Regardless, she appreciated Chloe’s sensitivity and not pushing her to talk more. She shook her head when Chloe offered to cancel her class. “No, no. I’ll be fine, I promise. You go do your sexy dancer thing.” Beca took Chloe’s arm and tucked it through the crook of hers, urging her to keep on along the bridge. “C’mon. Let’s hit up the hot chocolate cart on the way back. My treat.” Least she could do for getting all emotional during what was supposed to be a chill walk.
CHLOE BEALE
Chloe loved all of the things that kept her busy, even her part-time job, but she mentally cursed herself for it today. Leaving Beca alone really did not sit well with her, even if she could probably use the space. “Fine, fine,” she relented with a wrinkle of her nose, though she brightened at her next idea. “Oh! Why don’t you come with me? You could just watch, or you could even try it yourself.” Her eyes widened with excitement at the very thought. “I bet Amy would be okay with watching the kittens for a couple hours while we’re gone.” Easily looping her arm through Beca’s, she allowed her to guide her along the bridge. “Oh, hot chocolate sounds really good right now,” Chloe said dreamily, instinctively tightening her arm.
BECA MITCHELL
Beca’s eyes popped wide at Chloe’s suggestion. “Come with you?” A nervous sort of chuckle escaped and she shook her head. “No thanks. I don’t even--I don’t think that’s my thing?” Part of her had been curious, ever since Chloe had mentioned this gig, what it was like. She had to admit, the idea of watching Chloe teaching exotic dancing might prove a little too tempting to ignore. (If only to make fun of her about it later, of course!) “I’ll think about it,” she conceded, knowing Chloe would likely keep on her until she relented anyway.
*
*
*
CHLOE BEALE
Despite Beca’s initial response to joining her for an evening of exotic dancing, a small part of Chloe really wasn’t too surprised when she eventually relented. For some reason ‘no’ never really meant no with Beca, and Chloe wondered if that was specific to her or not. Regardless, the idea of bringing her along to tonight’s class was exciting, and Chloe also felt much more comfortable doing so than leaving her to mope around the apartment when it was obvious that Beca was very much not fine.
Being the teacher, Chloe always made sure to arrive early so she could set up before everybody else showed, and she beamed proudly as she led Beca into the currently empty dance studio, flicking on the light switch to reveal enough floor to ceiling poles set up for each member of the small class.
“I think you’re gonna love this,” Chloe mused as she set down her large bag on the shiny hardwood floor, then instantly got to work on peeling off her thick winter layers, which would eventually leave her in a much less winter appropriate outfit. Pole dancing was tiring work; the colder weather really didn’t matter, everybody would be sweating soon. As she undressed, she motioned toward a chair positioned off to the side. “You wanna go put that in the back and you can sit there? If you sit up front, there’s going to be a lot of people watching you… and people make some pretty intense faces while they do this,” she said with a wrinkle of her nose.
Other than her coat, which she laid down neatly on top, everything else was stuffed into the bag, before Chloe lowered to the floor to begin fastening her heels into place. She glanced toward Beca, then to the nearest pole, brows lifting and lowering playfully. “Do you want to try it before everybody gets here? I can show you some super easy moves.”
BECA MITCHELL
Since they first met, Chloe had this weird superhuman ability to coax Beca out of her carefully constructed shell. That power didn't seem to fade, in fact it only grew stronger throughout their friendship.
That's how Beca found herself in an exotic dance studio that Sunday night. Clad in her typical plaid shirt and dark skinny jeans with boots, she dropped into the chair Chloe motioned to. "I'm good. Thanks though," Beca said with an amused smile. Beca could dance just fine, but she knew she had no shot at doing this type of dancing with any sort of believability.
As soon as Chloe began stripping down, Beca's eyes dropped to her fingernails on instinct. She needed to repaint them. "Are you sure your, uh--students won't think I'm a creep for sitting here?" Even in the back, she'd be able to see everyone through the wall to wall mirror in the front.
CHLOE BEALE
Chloe only shrugged, eyes down toward her feet as she concentrated on fastening the straps of her black high heels. People wore some crazy not-quite-outfits to these classes, but as the person leading them, Chloe liked to dress a bit more uniformly. “No, they won’t care,” she poked out her tongue in concentration. “I think people kind of like having an audience.” She glanced upward then, smirk tugging at her lips. “It might surprise you, but I don’t think the people who take these classes really mind attention.”
Carefully pushing herself to her feet, Chloe headed for the nearest pole, fingers wrapping around the cold metal. “Come on, let me show you,” she urged, despite Beca’s prior response. She pushed her lips out into a pout. “Please? Something super super easy.”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca snorted, chuckling as her eyes finally lifted to Chloe. Holy shit, that outfit… was really intense. Intense, yeah. Also like… hot and sexy or whatever, but Chloe always had been so that was no surprise.
It took another beat for her brain to reboot, her stomach flip-flopping at Chloe's pout. Puffing out an annoyed sigh, Beca rolled her eyes as she stood and strode over toward Chloe with her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm in jeans," she reminded her best friend. As though she couldn't see that for herself.
CHLOE BEALE
The natural grin to widen across her lips as Beca rose from the chair was not at all a smug one, and Chloe giggled as she swept her gaze over Beca’s very Beca outfit. “I can see that. That’s okay, you only need your hand on the pole for this one,” she explained, lifting her arm higher to grip onto the pole in the right place. “So, you’re gonna take a step with this foot,” Chloe began, slowly stretching her leg to step around the pole, free arm stretching outward as she swung her body around it. “Then lift this foot.”
Chloe repeated the move again, then took a small step back. “Now you try.”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca sucked in a sharp breath through her nostrils as she watched Chloe so gracefully and sensually moved around that pole. In fact, she forgot she was supposed to be paying attention to the actual choreography and doubles down on her focused the next time.
"This won't look a fraction of how good it looks when you do it," Beca muttered, stepping up to the pole and mimicking the move. In boots, she managed to land the technical aspects of the choreo, though she knew she was a bit hesitant and stiff. Not unlike she usually was when first learning new dance moves. "There. Happy?" Her arms recrossed over her chest as she waited for Chloe's evaluation.
CHLOE BEALE
Chloe’s hands planted on her hips as she watched Beca replicate the simple move, pride immediately swelling within her. She couldn’t help but let her mind drift to the thought of Beca doing that in something a little more revealing… But that was normal, right? This was an exotic dancing class, after all. Regardless, she quickly shook off the thought. “Perfect,” she grinned, offering a small clap of her hands.
The door swung open behind her, the sound of her assistant’s voice echoing around the room. “That’s Charlotte,” Chloe explained, whirling around to offer her a bright smile. “This is Beca, she’s gonna watch the class.”
“Right, Beca,” Charlotte nodded, sending Beca a small wave. “The one you share a bed with.”
“Mhm,” Chloe beamed, motioning Beca toward the chair again as people began to filter into the room. “Are you sure you’re not gonna join in? You really could just do it in your underwear. Other people do.”
BECA MITCHELL
"Hey, cool meeting you." Beca cast a smile at Charlotte, grateful Chloe's assistant hadn't seen her first (and only) attempt at a pole dancing move. Then… her jaw fell slack, cheeks flushing. "Oh, it's not like that!" Beca interjected, casting a look at Chloe because why would she tell people they share a bed?
Her eyes rolled once again. "I'm good, thanks though. Have a good class, Beale." Beca dropped back into the chair and kept herself as still and small as possible, not wanting to draw attention to herself. She sort of generally enjoyed people watching, so it was difficult to not take in each participant as they filed in wearing similar tight and barely there dancing outfits with impossibly high heels and stepped up to an open pole.
Almost as difficult as it was to keep her eyes off Chloe once she began her lesson.
CHLOE BEALE
Chloe’s brows tugged together at Beca’s reaction. Who’d said it was like that? She only shot Beca a confused glance in response, though ultimately shrugged it off, before turning back to Charlotte to go over their plan for the evening.
As always, once everybody was situated by their poles, Chloe started off with warm up stretches, before diving back into the routine they’d been working on for the past couple sessions—a dance to a slowed down, sultry version of Beyonce’s Crazy In Love. Although she couldn’t really converse with Beca throughout the class, Chloe continuously shot glances her way.
Following a final run through of the whole performance, she made sure to let everybody know that they’d done a great job and wished everyone a happy Valentine’s Day, before approaching Beca with a much more flushed face as people began to pack up and head out. “So, what’d you think?” she questioned hopefully, halfway tugging on her shirt. “Good?”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca assumed Kommissar had been a fluke. Like--she was tall and gorgeous and flawless and whatever but like, the whole attraction situation wasn’t real, right? Beca was just… super stressed with everything that year, and she’d been pulled under some sort of German witchcraft spell.
Yeah, no. Fine. Beca knew somewhere deep down she wasn’t totally straight. But there was no point in pulling that fact out of the depths of her subconscious to poke around and stress over it because she had a boyfriend. A really great boyfriend who was super awesome and now living in New York City. So what if she was bi or whatever? It didn’t actually matter.
But sitting there frozen on that chair, leaning into her locked arms as she gripped the curling lip of the seat on either side of her knees, watching the dancers? A simmering heat ignited and she couldn’t tear her eyes away from them.
No, not them.
Chloe.
It felt like that same sort of magic pulling her focus, sparking down her spine and making her shiver every single time Chloe’s eyes found hers during that routine. Beca’s breathing shallowed and her lower lip caught between her teeth; at one point, she almost bit down too hard and drew blood.
The spell broke when the music faded out. (Music had that effect on Beca in general, but this? Okay, holy shit. Um…) When Chloe approached, Beca sat up and a different sort of chill--the cold sweat type--rushed through her body because this was very, very wrong. Chloe was her best friend, for fuck’s sake. It was super wrong to think of her like that.
Still, Beca did her best to summon her best tight-lipped grin and offered a dorky thumbs up. “Yup. That was dope. Good thing you’ve got a backup career lined up in case you decide against the vet thing for some reason.” Suddenly eye contact proved really hard. Near impossible, even. Beca gathered her bag and pulled her coat back on, focusing on her breathing. It was just stuffy in there, right? That was definitely it.
CHLOE BEALE
It didn’t pass Chloe by, the fact that her eyes would lock with Beca’s each time she’d glance toward her. Neither did the way she kind of liked the fact that Beca was watching her, even if she did worry that her stare was simply in response to Charlotte’s earlier comment that had seemed to piss Beca off somehow. She didn’t think their living arrangement was a secret, but maybe she wasn’t supposed to tell people. If she thought about it, it did come up pretty often, though… (“I fell asleep on Beca last night.” “Beca and I just took a really nice spoon nap.”) She made a mental note not to bring it up as often.
Her grin widened at Beca’s response. “Thanks!” she chirped, straightening out the hem of her sweater, before bouncing toward her bag to grab her leggings. “I kind of wish we had a pole at home, it’d make it way easier to practice,” Chloe mused, unfastening her heels, then stepping into the pants.
“You should join in next time,” Charlotte added to Beca, pushing a reciprocated kiss to Chloe’s cheek, before announcing her departure, then heading out of the room.
As she shrugged on her winter coat, Chloe glanced toward Beca, brows knitting at the way she seemed to be a little flustered. “Are you okay?” she asked, head tilting as she studied Beca’s expression. “You look like you could use some air.” This was supposed to help distract her from her sad thoughts about Jesse, but Chloe had a feeling it hadn’t been as helpful as she’d hoped.
BECA MITCHELL
Beca puffed out a strained chuckle. “Thanks, but I can’t move quite like you guys do.” She realized after a beat that she’d barely even watched Charlotte or anyone else throughout the class, and guilt tightened like vines around her heart for more than one reason.
“Me? Yeah. I’m cool. Air sounds good. Got a little stuffy in there,” she muttered as she hyper focused on pulling on her mittens. The brisk walk back would surely help clear her head, she figured. Make her feel normal-ish again.
CHLOE BEALE
“Yeah, the AC doesn’t really help much,” Chloe frowned, pulling her gloves into place. There was something strange about Beca, about the way she was acting, but Chloe really wasn’t entirely sure what it was. She figured it probably had something to do with her feelings from earlier, but Chloe forced herself not to look at her too sympathetically. Even if she did really want to wrap her into a protective hug.
Although she did not quite go the hug route, once properly dressed and wrapped up to face the biting evening air, Chloe shrugged her large bag over her shoulder, then shuffled toward Beca with an outstretched hand, offering it for her to take. “We should go relieve Amy of kitten duty, huh?”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca knew she was acting super off today. She couldn’t really help it. Maybe she could just chalk it all up to stress--both her weirdness right now and the emotional blip during their walk in the park earlier. “Yeah, probably. Poor things are probably being forced to listen to Fat Amy Winehouse practice.”
She hesitated before taking Chloe’s hand, always calling her a weirdo when she offered and usually just taking it to make Chloe smile. (At least she wouldn’t have to worry about a clammy or sweaty palm this time, with gloves on.) “She seems cool,” Beca said once they stepped outside. “Charlotte? How long has she been your assistant or whatever?”
CHLOE BEALE
“Probably,” Chloe grimaced. Their third roommate really was on her own whole other level. “It was nice of her to watch them for us, though. I wonder if she’ll get as attached to your Green Goblin as you have.” Although she tried to bite back her smirk, she knew the amusement was shining in her eyes.
Chloe was used to Beca making a comment whenever she would extend her hand, so although it was nice that she didn’t this time, it only confirmed Chloe’s suspicions that Beca really wasn’t doing so good, so she wasn’t going to feel too smug about it. Gripping comfortably onto Beca’s hand, she flicked off the light switch, then led her outside and to the cooler air of the city.
“Oh, yeah, she’s awesome,” Chloe agreed, grateful for the wind against her rosy cheeks. Dancing always had her working up a sweat, so she didn’t mind the short walk home. “We took classes together, so she’s been with me right from the start. She didn’t want her own class though, so she just helps out. She reminds me of you a little bit, in fact. Maybe a little louder than you, but she definitely has a Beca vibe. I like her a lot.”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca usually complained about the cold, but in this case it helped regulate her wacky body temperature situation. At least while walking she could focus on the journey, trying to avoid thinking of Chloe dancing like that as they strolled hand in hand.
Chloe’s words pulled her attention and Beca cast her a side look, quirking a brow. “A Beca vibe?” She narrowed her eyes playfully. “Explain.”
CHLOE BEALE
An amused grin pulled at Chloe’s lips in response to the look she could see Beca shooting her from the corner of her eye. “Yeah, a Beca vibe,” she nodded. “Kind of broody and mysterious at first, but she’s actually a total softy.” She turned her head to shoot a smirk toward Beca, gloved hand squeezing gently onto hers. “Like my Beca.” Her gaze drifted toward Beca’s chest, before lifting back toward her face. “She has her nipples pierced, too. Maybe you’re secretly twins.”
BECA MITCHELL
“Psh, whatever,” Beca grumbled, shooting Chloe a heatless glare before turning her attention back to the street. My Beca. That phrase made her stomach flip and a sudden rush of nausea flood her core before thankfully receding a moment later. Thankfully, Chloe’s dig served as a good enough distraction, pulling a scoff from Beca. “Seriously? I’m never living these piercings down, am I?”
CHLOE BEALE
“Nope!” Chloe smirked, giving Beca’s hand another gentle squeeze, before relaxing her fingers. They remained looped comfortably with Beca’s all the while, though.
Fortunately, Chloe’s work was not too far from their building, so as much as she’d appreciated the blast of cold air at first, she was happy to get back inside, and only released Beca’s hand once they were safely tucked away in their shoebox apartment. The strange pang of loss she felt upon letting go was something she pushed away quickly—she was pretty touch-starved these days, it probably made sense.
Dumping her bag down at the foot of their bed, Chloe immediately swept toward the kitten box, lips twisting into a smirk at the sight of it empty, with light leaking from beneath Amy’s bedroom door. “Do you think she’s napping with them?” Chloe asked, voice lowering to a whisper. “Bec, that’s such a cute thought.”
BECA MITCHELL
As soon as they stepped back into their apartment, Beca unwound her scarf and shrugged off her coat, hanging both on the rack. She frowned when she followed Chloe’s gaze to the empty kitten box. “I mean, she’s either napping with them or she kitten-napped them, so hopefully it’s the first one.” Toeing off her boots, Beca moved to her dresser to pluck out a pair of pajama bottoms and a soft sleep tee, nodding to Amy’s door. “Peek at your own risk.” While Chloe tended to that, Beca made a quick change into cozy clothes because she was pretty desperate for a nap.
CHLOE BEALE
Chloe shot Beca a playful glare; she was going to bask in her adorable idea of the image of Amy napping with the five babies, and proceeded to peel off her scarf and gloves as she tiptoed toward Amy’s door, pushing it open gently. Just as she’d suspected, Amy laid in the middle of her bed, the one she got all to herself, surrounded by five sleeping kittens. They were probably due to be fed soon, unless Amy had seen to that, but Chloe didn’t want to disturb them yet, so only giggled quietly to herself as she carefully closed the door.
“They’re all knocked out, including Amy,” she announced, hanging up her removed clothing items, then got to work on shrugging off her coat and boots, too. “Getting ready for bed?” she asked, lifting her gaze toward Beca as she approached the bed. In spite of herself, Chloe lowered down onto her side with a small yawn. “We didn’t even eat dinner yet.”
BECA MITCHELL
Beca crawled beneath the covers, waving her hand dismissively. “Promised I’d cook and I’m not gonna punk out on that. Just wanna take a little nap first, if that’s cool?” She wrinkled her nose as she tugged her hair tie out of her ponytail and used her fingertips to shake out the stiffness on her scalp. “Unless you’re really hungry?” She could forego the nap to cook sooner if Chloe wanted.
CHLOE BEALE
They both had their reasons to be in need of a nap; Beca had had an emotional day, and Chloe had just taught a whole pole dancing class, so although she could go for food at some point, and was definitely looking forward to whatever Beca cooked, she figured a nap couldn’t hurt first. “Mm, no, I can wait,” she shrugged, slipping off her leggings to leave her in her sweater and the bottom half of the outfit she’d worn for the class. They’d have another night of broken sleep tonight feeding the kittens, so Chloe shuffled under the covers too, pulling them comfortably up toward her chest as her head rested back into the pillows. “I’m glad you came to the class with me, it was fun having you there,” she hummed, twisting onto her side to face Beca.
BECA MITCHELL
Not anticipating Chloe wanting a nap at the same time, Beca’s body stiffened momentarily while Chloe crawled into bed with her before relaxing. It truly made no sense, why Beca was being so weird with her all of a sudden--but she couldn’t really help it?
Chalking it up to anxiety over what would likely be an imminent move to Jesse’s new place, Beca dismissed her weird feelings and turned on her side to face Chloe. “Looked like a hell of a workout,” Beca said with a tired smirk. “You’re a pretty good dance teacher, nerdface.” Not that Beca actually paid any attention to the students in the class, she realized with slightly burning cheeks.
CHLOE BEALE
Beca would be leaving soon. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but with Jesse here now, she was going to be leaving soon, and Chloe wanted to feel happy for her, she didn’t want to feel the sad twist in her stomach that came with simply laying side by side and immediately thinking about how they weren’t going to get this anymore. Those feelings were stupid, though; best friends didn’t do this, so Chloe bit them back as best as she could, offering Beca small smile instead. “Thanks,” she nodded, lazily studying Beca’s expression.
Her nose wrinkled as she thought for a moment, voice quieting slightly. “Are you still sad?”
BECA MITCHELL
She never dwelled on their living situation much. It was what it was. But Jesse’s surprise suddenly made Beca more in-tune with her current circumstance. Like how she probably wouldn’t have these close, deep talks with Chloe anymore. Those before bed chats about anything and nothing. Talks she didn’t realize she cherished until now. Not when she inevitably moved in with Jesse.
Chloe’s question would ordinarily make Beca shrug off her concern insisting she’s fine. But with everything today, she didn’t really feel like putting on that brave face. Not when Chloe could see right through it. Instead, she went with honesty, staring back into those bright blue eyes. “I dunno if it’s sadness, really. I don’t really know what it is.”
CHLOE BEALE
This whole thing was conflicting, because Chloe wanted to help in some way. It didn’t matter how she was feeling, she wanted to help Beca, to make her feel better. If even Beca couldn’t pinpoint her own feelings, though, then how could Chloe? She’d always been able to read her pretty well, but apparently not right now. So, she just sent another small smile her way, head nodding along gently.
“It’s just a big step,” she reiterated her earlier response, sticking her arm out of the covers to cocoon herself a little better. Her other hand rested beneath her cheek, gaze still glued to Beca. “I’m kind of sad,” she eventually admitted, mouth twisting a bit. “I mean, I’m really happy for you, Bec. And I don’t mean to be selfish, but I’m gonna be sad when you leave.”
BECA MITCHELL
If. If I leave. Those correcting words sat on the back of Beca’s tongue, sour and bitter as she swallowed them back. Just because Jesse moved here to surprise her, that didn’t mean she needed to move out soon, right? They hadn’t talked about it. What if she wasn’t ready? (What if she’d never be ready?)
“Me too,” she muttered instead, reaching out to cover Chloe’s hand with her own before she thought much about it. Sure, Chloe initiated physical contact like 96% of the time, but Beca did when it felt like it mattered, too. Like right now. “But it’s not gonna happen tomorrow or anytime super soon, okay? So don’t be sad yet.” As if it was that easy. A smile pulled a bit shaky at the corners. “Let’s get some sleep before the kittens start crying for dinner.”
CHLOE BEALE
If either of them was going to initiate physical contact, it was generally going to be Chloe. A part of her felt like she should keep to herself right now, though, so when Beca’s hand settled over her own, Chloe glanced down at it briefly, but couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at her lips. It was instinct for her to part her fingers, slotting them between Beca’s. “Okay,” she nodded, figuring it’s not that easy probably wasn’t the best response. “I’ll just save it for when you do go. Maybe I’ll have to start sharing a bed with Amy…” Chloe’s nose wrinkled. “Sleeping on my own is weird now.” Of course, it wasn’t exactly sharing a bed that helped to settle her, it was who she was sharing it with.
Sleep was a good idea, that was what they were supposed to be doing right now, anyway. Maybe she would magically wake up feeling a little better afterwards. So, with a small squeeze to Beca’s hand, Chloe finally let go, twisting onto her back for the briefest moment, before turning with her back toward Beca. It was with the thought that she kind of just wanted to be close to her right now that she shuffled closer, eventually curling into Beca’s body.
BECA MITCHELL
“Everything you do is weird ‘cause you’re weird,” Beca fired back, though her heartstrings tugged at the thought of not sleeping beside Chloe anymore. She should be excited at the prospect of finally living with her boyfriend of five years… but she figured that excitement would kick in once the shock wore off. That made sense, right?
When Chloe scooted back against her, Beca’s arm naturally slung around her middle. She truly was exhausted, mostly because of the emotions wracking her body all damn day--a not-date Valentine’s Day she’d spent with her best friend… whom she’d miss like hell soon enough. As her body relaxed into nap mode and she willed slumber to drag her down, Beca’s eyes locked on the loose ginger wisps at the nape of Chloe’s neck escaping her hair tie. Flashes from their day together drifted into the forefront of her mind--Chloe accepting the proffered coffee with a bright, tired smile. Chloe hugging her close when she got emotional on the park bridge. Chloe’s burning intensity in her eyes while dancing like that--and the terrifying yet exhilarating way it made Beca feel.
Maybe it was stupidity. Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe it was desperation or a combination of all three. But Beca didn’t think about much of anything else in that moment when she quietly leaned in and brushed the softest, most feather-light kiss to the back of Chloe’s neck. Bare enough that Chloe might not even notice. Innocent enough that Beca might be able to pass it off as a gesture of friendship.
But anxiety crept in a beat later because she knew--Beca knew it wasn’t just that. Guilt swirled in her core once again and she willed herself to close her eyes and fall asleep, to forget what she’d done and chalk it up as a dumb idea resulting from chronic lack of sleep lately.
It was fine. Chloe was probably sleeping and didn’t notice, anyway.
CHLOE BEALE
Even if things could feel strange and complicated sometimes—like the way Chloe felt so devastated at the thought of Beca leaving to be with her boyfriend like any normal person in a long-term relationship would—everything was always just so easy with Beca, too. Chloe’s sadness, her apprehension surrounding everything, it all instantly melted away once Beca’s arm flung over her middle, and Chloe’s whole body relaxed into its curled position against her best friend.
She really was tired, but her mind apparently wouldn’t shut up. Their day today, the way her heart had torn in two at the sight of Beca’s tears up on the bridge, all of their nights curled up tightly together (usually because Chloe had pulled Beca into her as they’d been drifting off to sleep) replayed on a strangely comfortable loop in her tired mind, and while Chloe’s lids fluttered shut, she was sure she wasn’t going to actually get much sleep.
Even less so as she felt Beca shuffle closer, felt the delicate way her lips brushed to the warm skin at the back of her neck, sending the most welcome shiver through Chloe’s spine.
Her bottom lip tugged in between her teeth as she reached out to fumble for Beca’s hand, fingers sliding between the gaps in hers, until she could wordlessly lift their connected hands up to her mouth, with Chloe pressing a soft kiss to Beca’s fingers. Maybe best friends didn’t do that. Maybe best friends didn’t do a lot of the things they did, in fact. But the thought did not scare her. In fact, as the pad of her thumb brushed across the back of Beca’s knuckles, lips hovering over her fingers, it only made her feel strangely safe.
BECA MITCHELL
When Chloe’s lips grazed Beca’s fingers in turn, Beca’s jaw clenched so hard her teeth damn near crumpled to dust, her heart thundering so loud she was certain Chloe would hear it. She had no idea what it meant--was it a conciliatory gesture, or a bolder one? Was Chloe just as confused as Beca? If so, what would it mean for her relationship with Jesse? Her friendship with Chloe? The best friendship she’d ever had… Beca couldn’t fuck that up, no matter the cost.
But words lodged in Beca’s throat and she swallowed them back down, her eyelids screwing tighter despite a traitorous tear slipping free from the corner of her eye--a single damp droplet on her pillowcase.
She inwardly pleaded for sleep to take her before her mind could piece together her predicament.
Thankfully, it did.