Faffcon, je t'aime.
Faffcon. Faffcon is what brings us together today.
Faffcon...that blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream....
Yeah, I totally went there, fans of must-see movies.
But for sooth, Faffcon is, indeed, what brought us together this past weekend.
When I got home, I was awash in so many emotional memories. So much so, it was difficult to recount what actually happened all weekend. To say it was a blur would be to do it a cliched disservice.
I finally was able to settle down enough to tell my wife about all the wonderful things that I witnessed and in which i participated.
I have never felt more loved than I did Sunday afternoon. I don't think I've cried as much as I did this weekend in a very long time.
(Yes, I'm a sap.)
I honestly went in with no agenda. I was seriously low on productive energy, mainly due to 'the situation' with my throat. For those that didn't actually hear about what happened, I developed a nodule on my left vocal cord. This led to me having a terrible mental state for the entirety of the summer.
Thank God for a doctor that understood, and a support group that put up with my worrying for four months. But long story short, I'm doing better.
And I'm really doing better after Faffcon.
And it has to do with surprises.
I was so psychologically spent that just getting to Faffcon was enough as it was. Then getting to share oxygen and drinks with each of you just made me get better and better as the weekend flew by.
Normally, I sort of make a diary about my experiences, meticulously making notes and scribbles on any surface that holds ink. I think I took a half page of notes in Tom and Melissa's breakout session on using a paymaster to help convert nonunion work. That's all.
I also remember that I wasn't taking as many pictures as I have in the past.
It was very out of character for me, and that's why when I sat down here to talk about Faff events, as is normal for me, I was almost at as much of a loss as I was in telling my wife about my adventures last night.
I think my new experience of talking as much as I could to Faffers new and returning became my MO for the trip.
I found myself more externally involved, instead of self-centered, and I don't mean in the negative connotation, either. I simply mean that I did my very best to share some experiences with others every opportunity I got.
And I think it worked.
I focused more on the moment, swore I would attend more things that I had fewer opinions and knowledge about, and just generally spend the weekend like a Voiceover Jedi, observing, responding, and soaking up as much of the big picture as I could.
I stuck to that game plan, and it served me well getting settled in on Friday, and again on Saturday, and then on Sunday, everything just went nuts.
I led a breakout session on characters for video games at eleven on Sunday, and it was like the stars aligned.
To describe the hour and twenty minutes (yeah, we went waaaaaaay over time) that we all shared in just one word, I think it would have to be...
...transcendent.
Yeah, that's the word. It was almost as if you could feel the rising tide minute by minute. The looks of realization and dots being connected on so many faces as we analyzed character descriptions was awesome.
When we discussed inferring place and setting of the game world from just a few lines of dialogue, and to see nods of understanding, that was even better.
Then when I demonstrated how to use ad-libbing (thanks, Mary Lynn!), really good microphone and vocal technique in order to put on a mental stage play for the listener, I could see the shifting in chairs and the need to really break down that process.
So I pulled an audition script from last week, grabbed the submission file, and I talked my way through the scene, describing how when I gave two takes to the CD, I varied the theatre involved in placing the character into a world that the player can believe in.
I revealed the way that I painted the scene with my performance in take one, and then I played the first take of my audition. There were audible gasps of recognition. I immediately got chills, because it had just dawned on me that I had just witnessed moments of true discovery, and it was like no feeling I had ever experienced before.
I then talked about from one take to the next, that in order to make your reads stand out even more, not only the theatre of the reads needed to be varied, but also the pitch and placement. I then asked the room to listen for variation in the second read of my audition, and then played it as well. More audible sounds of realization and one 'Wow.'
It brought a huge level of confidence that I was, in leading that session, where I needed to be. I also felt the need to share some personal details of my journey to the room, and as I talked, I felt better and better, even though I was recounting events from my past that can only be described as bad memories.
Somewhere in the middle of all the flood from Pandora's Box, a weight felt like it was lifting. As if this moment was a bellwether for a new era in my life and my career: the era of full disclosure and unwavering trust in my Faffily.
And I felt a heady surge of confidence as we finished and people gathered around me to continue the discussion. In this moment, I knew that, for some, it was a transcendent moment.
My own moment came later that day, at closing circle, when it was time to give out Un-Awards. There is always a rush to line up and show appreciation to other Faffers, but the display of raw emotions and gratitude were just amazing.
I was floored to watch as three people said my name, and witness a surge of love, respect, and gratitude at a level that I had never felt before.
The rest of the day was just a mass of flowing and dripping tears, a haze of euphoria, and the feeling that, for the first actual time in my career, security and safety. (I told you I was a sap).
The euphoria has not abated. I know it probably will, but I know that, in writing this, I will always be able to tap into the emotional memory of that sunny day in the desert when I finally learned to trust a group of people who I know will always have my back.
I love you all, and I promise that I won't let you down.