head empty no thoughts except for that bbs meta that made the fantastic point that pat was the one being actively pushed by ming to compete while pran was mostly pulled along for the ride bc he’s a prideful & competitive mf (affectionate) that prioritized winning over heeding dissaya’s warnings about the jindapats
Dissaya getting mad during the Christmas Concert was not an isolated one-off
Because what likely happened, what I imagine happened, was that as high school came around, Pat and Pran got closer, and they got better about scheming re: grades, competitions, etc.
But that means that things are closer to a fifty-fifty split than they might’ve been in the past. And I’m sure that Dissaya, as good as Pran is at acting, likely picked up that something was off re how much Pran cared about beating Pat, just as much as she was getting increasingly antsy regarding how often Pat was beating Pran.
So while Pat and Pran are growing closer, Dissaya is getting more and more nervous and distressed about Pran’s future and success, especially because he’s verging on the age she was when she got everything taken away from her.
The Christmas Concert & Pran getting pulled out was not a singular instance of Dissaya witnessing that Pat & Pran were friends. It was likely her, standing in the grocery store and hearing some other mothers talking about the concert band Pran had told her nothing about, and realizing with dawning horror what she had let occur under her own nose—that she had failed to thoroughly protect Pran, that Pran had gotten ensnared in the same trap she had.
It was a culmination of the pieces falling into place regarding the previous few months and all the things Pran might’ve hidden from her, combined with her paranoia, her overprotectiveness, and above all, her guilt for not realizing. It was her wondering if Pran had perhaps been letting Pat win due to their newfound friendship (yes, but not quite in the way she thinks) and being absolutely terrified of that thought, of the way Pran had made himself vulnerable.
If Pat and Pran hadn’t become closer friends before the concert, it’s likely that the concert would’ve been a blip. It’s probably why Pran wasn’t so scared about initiating that relationship—he didn’t expect the fallout to be so great. But in initiating it over such a long period of time, he inadvertently guaranteed that Dissaya would respond drastically.
hi hello touch starved pat. let's talk. first of all, how dare you (i love it)
Hi hello :D
Pinging @seeking-moonscapes over here as well because they also asked for elaboration lol
first: forever and ever crying over this fic (hi haz)
This is going to be absolutely incoherent, I'm sorry.
I just think that by virtue of him growing up w the kind of father that Ming is, and with being the oldest son + his friend group really not being the kind of guys to really be vulnerable with each other, Pat hasn't gotten a lot of physical affection in his life? Like there are the adrenaline-filled hugs during rugby tournaments, or his father patting his shoulder when he does good, and his mother hugging him when he comes home from college, etc., but casual physical affection on a consistent basis is something that he severely lacks access to.
And it hurts even more to think about because he likely doesn't have access to a lot of physical comfort either, since he so rarely feels like he can exhibit being upset and/or ask for that comfort from the people around him. He's supposed to be the one that's okay, the one that has a plan, the one that's tough and unwavering. It's only with Pran that we really see him asking for that kind of attention, I don't think he really realizes that that's what's happening at first, but the way he gets close to Pran and demands affection from him is heart-breakingly sincere, even if he covers it up with cajoling words and/or jokes.
I'm specifically thinking about the dishwashing scene, which I have yelled about in the past, and also the breakfast in bed scene, where he's puffing out his cheek—his actions/words suggest a sort of flippancy, but his expression & eyes always, always, reveal just how desperate he is to not be brushed off.
I think it takes Pran a while to clock that, because 1) Pran has trained himself to avoid getting hurt by refusing to take Pat's flirtations at face-value, and 2) Pran has always thought of Pat as this sunshine-y, confident, loud boy, (which Pat is, tbf) and it can be hard to look underneath that, particularly because Pat banks most of his relationships on the idea that no one will look underneath that.
Pat's ability to admit things to Pran without bravado is something that grows and develops over the course of the series. And we really see the culmination of that in the ep12 noodle shop scene where he talks about not going home a lot vs. the way he talked about his relationship w Ming when getting lunch w Korn & Wai.
Pran's ability to not just see past the bravado, but also refusing to engage with it by being contrary, is also something that develops. It results in a middle ground where he might still tease, but he won't deny Pat what he's asking for, and he even starts anticipating his needs (airport parking lot scene w the shirt).
I've kind of digressed from my original point, but generally speaking, I think when Pat first gets together with Pran, he seriously basks in the amount of affection he can ask for as a condition (so to speak) of them dating, because he 1) doesn't allow himself to really be vulnerable with anyone else but Pran, and 2) because it feels like he something he's allowed to ask for from Pran.
However, this also means that when Pran leaves for Singapore, Pat has to deal with essentially getting thrown back into the situation he was in three years before, where there is no one in his life who he can get that kind of affection from. I honestly think it takes a serious toll on him, and the sucky part is that it's not really something that can be solved. Pat doesn't want to be vulnerable with other people outside of Pran. He doesn't have relationships that already have space for that, and he would feel like a burden if he asked for it. But I also highly doubt it's the kind of thing Pat would sincerely express to Pran as something that he's missing, because neither of them can do anything about it, and admitting it, even to himself, just makes Pat feel like crying—and Pran's not here to comfort him if he does.
I think Pran probably would wind up clocking some of the desperation when he visits Thailand at the one year mark, but in particular after he comes back for good. There's this odd adjustment period where Pat is stuck between literally clinging to Pran and then some days, straight up forgetting that he doesn't have to (badly) self-soothe away the yawning emptiness inside of him, that he can reach for Pran and that Pran will reach back and that it's not a burden to express that wish.
I'm not sure if this is exactly what y'all wanted, lol, but I would also love to hear any other thoughts on the idea—esp how it plays out during the LDR.
honestly no one except silver really gets how funny i am cause they’re the only one that’s seen my tab-for-every-season supernatural episode tracker spreadsheet, complete with the environmental story telling of the ‘notes’ column for s4 being filled with “Cas”/“No Cas”, and the introduction of the ‘Cas?’ column from s5 onward.
it is so fucking stupid how I can’t work unless I hijack my brain with music
Even more so because sometimes I turn off my music for something, and then an hour goes by and I haven’t done anything and I’m like “why haven’t I done anything?” And the answer is. The answer is that my music is no longer playing.
