*Bleeding in the Silence*
Sunday: Went to church, played cajón, decided against asking out a young woman i like because she has a boyfriend, went to Japanese church, bonded with 友達 there, ate some small pieces of baked goods with chocolate chips in them marketed by an animated gray wolf in a red sweater that in fact constitute a breakfast cereal, went home at 5 pm, wasted the rest of the day.
Monday: Got up early, ate breakfast while studying 日本語, shaved, went to work, came home, wasted time, ate dinner, wasted more time, went to bed late-ish but not that late, resolved to stop screwing around and start scheduling everything so I stopped wasted time with a day planner.
Tuesday: Got up early, ate breakfast while studying 日本語, took a shower, went to Staples, bought an hour-by-hour planner, felt a check in my spirit, went to other work, worked for a few hours, went to work, came home after the sun went down, ate dinner, wasted time again, scheduled meet-ups with people, went to bed a little too late, i think.
Wednesday: Got up early, ate breakfast while studying 日本語, shaved, went to work, wondered why i still worked there, asked about taking a week off in june for a youth camp i haven’t made a decision on helping out with, got an answer i was happy with, went home, ate dinner, tried to study the Bible and pray, fell asleep at 8, woke up in the middle of the night and brushed my teeth, went back to bed.
Thursday: Got up early (with 10.5 hours of sleep under my belt), spent the first 2 hours praying and asking God what the heck I was supposed to be doing, ate breakfast, saw somebody needed a car, showered, studied the Bible and prayed and spent time with God for a few more hours, emailed parents about lending car, grabbed something for lunch, met with the pastor of Japanese church, came away glowing, met with the pastor of my regular church, talked about being a pastor, some of the glow came off, came back and found out they used uber, sighed, went to prayer group at Princeton, ate food with a friend for free, prayed and was nervous before prayer booth (where you ask people passing by in the campus center if they want prayer), found out instead of being with an experienced person like the organizers try to do i’d be with another new guy, prayed with my friend because i thought i was unprepared, spent the first hour of prayer booth singing loudly in a public area because i had the second shift, started calling out to people second shift, had two people come up the whole time and both of them were people either i knew or my co-prayer knew, felt like I had failed somehow, came home emotionally and spiritually exhausted, went to sleep.
Friday: Got up early, ate breakfast while studying 日本語, shaved, asked Mom for prayer, almost cried on my way to work, started work, realized midway through the day if I went deep into my emotions i could probably cry in front of everyone in the fast food restaurant i work in, came home, wasted some time on the computer, wrote this blog post.
Still haven’t given emotional vent yet today.