#fake sith au

[phoenixyfriend]

"Ah yes, everyone knows the name of the circus music" <- me, a person who regularly forgets the title of the circus music

[chaoticevilbean]

So, I saw the Fake Sith AU involving PT Trio from my fav weirdos of the SW void, and therefore:

CW Trio TT Fake Sith AU #1

(Separated Trio, Pre-TPM, Pre-Galidraan)

(This is an excerpt I wrote in the car, so there will be more but not now)

(Canon timeline has tragically died. Sometimes I can still hear its voice.)

“So,” Ben starts, before letting out a soft chuckle. He clears his throat, smiling as he continues. “So, you are here… to discuss Vader’s… unorthodox way of speaking?”

“Say it like it is,” Mace groans into his arms. “I’m here because he flirts with everyone.” Ben chuckled again.

“And the problem is…” he trails off in a lingering question. To any who might ever see the scene, they might assume Ben is enjoying himself immensely. Which he is.

“The problem is he’s good at it!”

Mace finally lifts his head, only to find his chosen confidant laughing silently. At the sight of the Jedi’s glare, the silence ends, and the Stewjoni laughs quite loudly.

“This isn’t funny! I have a crush on a Sith!”

“On the contrary, this is most humorous.” Ben wipes a few tears from his eyes. “Oh, I wish I could let my brother hear this. Of all the people…”

“What?”

“It’s just-“ Ben breaks off for a moment, still trying to recover. "It's just that Vader picked that habit up only this past year. To hear anyone call him good at flirting- and that's not even adding the fact that he's caught the heart of a Jedi Master, a Council member! No one would believe me, and they'd think you'd lost your mind."

"It's not just me..."

"Come again?"

"I'm not the only Jedi interested in... courting Vader."

"And who else is interested in him? I'd love to know who all those compliments and charm worked on." Ben does seem genuinely interested in, but also highly amused. Mace looks away, deciding to stare at one of those bland throw pillows.

"Kit... Depa... Shaak..."

"All understandable."

"Mundi... Luminara Unduli..."

"Mhm."

"Quinlan Vos... Obi-Wan Kenobi... Adi..."

"..."

At the silence that met the new names, Mace turns back. He is met with the sight of Ben sitting stock still, face slack with shock.

"Ben?"

The man blinks slowly, movements stiff as he looks at the Korrun. Then, without saying a word, he faints.

~ ~

Inspiration from @phoenixyfriend

https://phoenixyfriend.tumblr.com/post/656554644498251776/fake-sith-tcw-trio#

[phoenixyfriend]

Entry of the Gladiators

Remember my Fake Sith AU? Yeah, so I got around to writing it.

I started writing this around a year ago, planning to finish and post for an event. I never finished. So. Here's what I have so far, and let's hope I can get around to finishing it at some point lmao.

The year is 7939 CRC, and Obi-Wan is one-hundred percent not moonlighting as a Sith Lord with a drawling accent and a linen suit. And Anakin surely isn't pretending to be his unhinged Sith second. And Ahsoka definitely isn't actually a vigilante. And Cody absolutely isn't enjoying the chance to manage an entire set of organized crime rings. And Rex certainly isn't seducing the half-mad head priestess of an evil cult. Totally.

Chapter 1: Wake Me Up (Before You Go-Go)

Fun fact: I went to upload the first chapter of this fic, which I started writing a year ago, and I forgot I had a title for the chapter, so I just slapped something together to put into the chapter title slot.

Then I went back to my planning document and it's the same damn chapter title.

I am very predictable.

----------

Anakin wakes up with a pounding headache. This is, against all wishes, a very familiar feeling for him. Unfortunately, it has almost never been a result of something fun, like alcohol. He’s much more likely to wake up drugged and chained by his enemies or recovering from grievous injuries than, say, boozing up.

Hondo incident notwithstanding, of course.

(Besides, Obi-Wan got drunk too. That makes it his fault.)

As he catalogues his remaining fingers and extremities past the pain in his skull, he hears others shuffling nearby. The Force isn’t warning him at all, so they’re probably friendlies.

There’s a quiet groan a few feet away, high-pitched, that is almost definitely Ahsoka.

When he sits up, it’s to more pain and the ugly little realization that Ahsoka must also be in pain.

Obi-Wan’s voice cuts in. “What did you do, Anakin?”

“Nothing!” Anakin protests, his own voice loud enough to set his headache off. He runs through his most recent memories in hopes of uncovering actual wrongdoing. He doesn’t seem to actually have any memories past entering the possibly-Sith-in-origin temple, though. That’s… a bad sign, in part because they are now outdoors and looking at a completely different sky. “You went into the sketchy temple, too. I don’t remember doing anything that could have knocked us all out, especially not knocked us out and transported us to what’s probably a different planet.”

“Sky’s orange,” Ahsoka notes, getting unsteadily to her feet. There’s a moment where it looks like she’s about to fall, but Rex is closer than Anakin, and reacts fast enough to steady her.

Anakin finally gets a full look around. His master, his padawan, his captain, and Commander Cody, who isn’t Anakin’s in any way, except as a friend, but that’s not an exclusive group, because ‘his friend’ could mean a lot of—

He’s getting distracted.

“If we’re lucky…” Obi-Wan says, stretching his back with an awful cracking noise. He eyes the sky with distaste. “If we’re lucky, the cloud cover will dissipate and let us see the constellations when night falls. We can figure out where we are then.”

“Anticipating hostility from locals, sir?” Cody prompts

Obi-Wan shrugs. “Don’t want to hedge our bets on there being locals. We aren’t where we were, and we aren’t in another temple, either. Most planets in the galaxy aren’t actually inhabited by sapient species…”

“But that’s mostly because most of them don’t have breathable air, isn’t it?” Ahsoka asks. Anakin pats her between the montrals, almost like Obi-Wan used to ruffle his hair when he was this small. Well, smaller. Ahsoka at fifteen tolerates this much better than Anakin at the same age.

Ahsoka at fifteen is, however, the same height as Anakin at thirteen, when Obi-Wan was still ruffling his hair.

“You’re right, Ahsoka. Since this planet does have breathable air and some vegetation, the chances of sapient habitation are relatively high,” Obi-Wan agrees. “So, we’ll see how it goes. If we can find civilization that isn’t hostile to us, we might get off by nightfall.”

Anakin has a feeling that’s a bit too optimistic.

(Continue on AO3)

[phoenixyfriend]

Entry of the Gladiators 3

Chapter 3: What the Hell is that Accent

Road trip!

--

"So," Obi-Wan says, dry and very obviously displeased. Anakin cringes a little. On the inside, of course. He can’t look scared in front of his student and Rex and Cody. “I suppose we’ve locked ourselves into this... farce.”

What a horrible word for it. Accurate, but still. Anakin doesn’t like that. He tries to argue. “You’re the one who started doing an accent in front of Ventress and her master.”

Obi-Wan pins him with a look. Anakin subsides, and manfully ignores Ahsoka laughing at him.

“I like the farce,” Cody volunteers. "It's a very good... farce."

Obi-Wan shoots him a look of absolute betrayal. "I trusted you.”

“I’m sorry that I have been unable to reward that trust, sir,” Cody says, prim and proper. “Shall I put on some clown makeup? Since it is, after all, a farce, we'll need a jester, and I’m certain that Skywalker and yourself will be too busy showing off your pretty faces to care for painting them up."

Anakin perks up, almost despite himself. "You think I'm pretty?"

Ahsoka snickers.

"You're adorable," Obi-Wan deadpans. Anakin kind of wishes Obi-Wan could say this without being sarcastic. That would be nice, probably.

Instead, he pulls himself up straight, locks eyes with Rex, and says, "so, Tatooine?"

(Continue on AO3)

[phoenixyfriend]

Entry of the Gladiators 5

Chapter 5: Kings of Crime

That is so much spice.

This is the last of the already-completed chapters, so the updates will be slowing down drastically from here lol

--------------------

Ahsoka doesn’t like Bruklinn very much, but she can admit that it is, in fact, a great base of operations for the kind of bullshit they end up doing.

She’s not actually allowed to be too involved in the crime side of things. Mostly, she goes out on her own, in disguise, and plays at being a vigilante. It’s comparatively small-scale work, but it makes her feel better, and it’s fun. When she is in the mansion that Master Kenobi managed to secure for them, she’s usually either practicing her forms with Skyguy while he monologues at her to work on the Maul impression, or helping teach Skykid how to meditate or something. Her masters are a little too busy to teach him, most of the time, and it’s not like she minds. She’s done crèche duty before. Kids are fine, and this one is mini Skyguy.

Her lack of inclusion does mean that, after a few months, she’s actually a little surprised to learn that Master Kenobi has basically taken over all organized crime operations in Bruklinn, and through that, the Five Stations as a whole.

(He uses the Ringo Vindan accent more than his real one, these days. She doesn’t entirely like it.)

“Now, for all that I may have intended it, I am shocked to admit that we’ve managed to take the station,” Master Kenobi tells her. Skyguy looks pretty gleeful about it all. “Not officially, o’ course, but the main families have all fallen into line.”

“And we’ve got minions,” Anakin adds.

Ahsoka knows about the minions. Some of them bow to her when she passes, and not like a Jedi bows, but like… like a courtier to royalty or something. It’s weird.

Most of them are crime people that followed them from one of the planets deeper in the sector. Some are Bruklinn locals. Turns out their little fake Sith operation is better than the competition for a lot of these people. They’ve been real popular as employers for the folk that do night work. One of the girls joked that she could teach Ahsoka how to stage dance… and then Skyguy’s mom ushered Ahsoka away before she could answer.

She knows what the lady meant by ‘stage dance;’ she’s not stupid. It could be useful, if she does undercover work. Or gets a boyfriend or a girlfriend or something. Maybe she’ll want to show off. Sixteen is totally old enough to learn how to dance sexy.

“I just wanted to keep you up to date on what’s been happening in this here city,” Master Kenobi tells her. “You need to know what’s going on, just in case things change on your… jaunts about.”

“Also, I’ve got a mission if you want it,” Anakin adds. “Could be me and you, could be you and Rex, could be all three, depends on what you want.”

Oh, heck yeah. “I’ll take it.”

“You don’t even know what it is yet,” Rex points out drily.

“I need a real mission,” Ahsoka insists. She’s bored. “What are we doing?”

“By chance,” Master Kenobi says, just a little too slowly, “we have come into control of what used to be the Pyke Syndicate.”

“It wasn’t chance,” Anakin stage-whispers.

“We haven’t taken the people on,” Master Kenobi says, deliberately ignoring the muttered ‘because they’re dicks,’ from Rex, “but we’ve ended up with quite the collection of, ah… warehouses ‘n real estate. Offices, housing, ships.”

“Drugs,” Anakin finishes. “We ended up with their drugs.”

“There are so many drugs,” Rex adds. “So many.”

“Yes,” Master Kenobi allows, “we have admittedly come into possession of many, many shipping containers of smuggled spice.” He sighs, not a little theatricrally. “We do need to rid ourselves of it, and simply burning or burying would cause more problems than it solves.”

Ahsoka blinks. “So… we’re smuggling drugs? Where to?”

Anakin grins.

(Continue on AO3)

[phoenixyfriend]

Entry of the Gladiators 4

Chapter 4: Family Matters

Time for Crime

---------

Anakin is only a few years younger than his mom. His mom is younger than Obi-Wan.

That’s… weird.

“You should probably call me by name,” she says, voice low. Her eyes are fixed on Anakin’s younger self, who is all of three years old, maybe, and more than a little entertained by the simple act of putting on a helmet that’s far too big for him and wandering around the galley.

He has bumped into at least three pieces of furniture. Thankfully, Rex’s helmet protected mini-Anakin.

Bit weird to think that’s him.

“It’ll take some getting used to,” Anakin mutters, wrenching his focus back to the conversation with his—with Shmi. “But I’ll do my best.”

She smiles and leans forward, puts a hand over his. “I know you will.”

His heart twists and stutters, and he thinks of the Tuskens and—

Stuffs. That. Thought. Back. Down.

“Ani?”

He shakes himself. Not now. “Sorry. Just… still surprised you believe me.”

“You’re my Anakin,” she says, simple as anything. “I’d know you anywhere.”

(Obi-Wan had suggested that Shmi was a touch Force Sensitive herself. Anakin doesn’t know what to do with that, and so he tucks it away until it’s relevant, which is hopefully going to be never.)

“So, um… what do we tell people?” he asks. “I mean, it won’t matter with most people, except mini-me is too young to know the truth…”

She shrugs. “I would not be the first slave to name her child after a family member, one she’d been separated from and later heard was dead. We can say you’re my younger brother, or a cousin. It’ll help explain the similarities as little Ani starts to grow older and looks more like you. Family resemblance to a maternal uncle. Any strangeness in how we interact can be ascribed to not having seen each other in a few years.”

Anakin nods, eyes dropping to their hands atop his knee. He turns his over to grab his moth—his sister’s, and squeezes.

“Anakin?”

He closes his eyes and tries to tighten and drown the little tremor that’s building in his chest. He can’t cry. Not here and now. She’s alive and with him, that’s a good thing.

She squeezes back. “Ani?”

“You died,” he says, ignoring the screaming that wasn’t there. “I held—I’m just. I’m just really glad to have you here. Alive.”

She leans in closer, hugs him, and it’s—

He has his mom back. That’s a good thing. That’s everything.

(If he ignores the memories.)

[phoenixyfriend]

Entry of the Gladiators: 2

Chapter 2: They Fucked Up

A plan is made. The plan is not very good. They cannot exit the plan. Heck.

-------

Obi-Wan does his best to focus on the problem at hand, rather than the… choice of decorum that Anakin is exhibiting.

His former padawan is sitting on the floor, legs crossed, and eating from a bag of vegetable chips that he’s scavenged from the warlord’s refrigerator. Ahsoka sits next to him, and is intermittently trying to steal some.

She really shouldn’t. As much as a Togruta does need some vegetables in their system, Obi-Wan’s willing to take Anakin’s word for it that these are liable to upset Ahsoka’s stomach if she has more than one or two. Something about the type of oil that was used. If Anakin’s way of enforcing that limit is to insist that Ahsoka can only have some if she can successfully steal them… well, so be it.

“Count Dooku isn’t a Sith yet, correct?” Cody asks. He and Rex are still wearing their helmets and the rest of their armor. Obi-Wan’s pretty sure they’re monitoring possible threats from the warlord’s court, somehow, but he isn’t sure what method they’re using. Most likely, Anakin patched them into the existing security system.

Obi-Wan drags himself back to the moment. Sith. Right. “He isn’t even a Count, yet. He’s a Jedi. It’s still another five years, at least, before he leaves the Order.”

“So probably not a Sith,” Cody prompts.

“No, probably not a Sith.”

“And whoever taught him is probably the same person who taught Maul?” Anakin asks.

Obi-Wan shrugs. “If we assume the Rule of Two… I don’t know that we ever confirmed if Ventress counted towards that number, but regardless of either, there must be someone to have taught Maul.”

“How old would Maul be now?” Ahsoka asks.

“Mid-teens?” Obi-Wan hazards. “He’s… I think he’s younger than me, but I can’t be sure.”

Cody makes a small noise. “And your local self, Sir?”

“Eighteen,” Obi-Wan says. He glances at the screen again, just to check the date, and yes, it’s after his birthday. “Yes, eighteen. If Master Jinn and my younger self haven’t finished up with the mission to Mandalore yet, we will soon. I can’t honestly say I remember which month it ended, let alone which day.”

Anakin snorts. It might even be a snicker. Obi-Wan does the mature thing, and ignores him.

“So, there are at least two Sith, one of which is Maul and the other of which is his teacher,” Rex summarizes. “We need to know who the teacher is, in order to do anything about them before war breaks out.”

Obi-Wan rubs at his forehead. “The only leads we have are Maul and Dooku, and we have no idea when the Sith Master approached Dooku. We’d have to tail him indefinitely to know. If it was something like Qui-Gon’s death that pushed him to the dark, we might avoid it entirely.”

“Probably isn’t,” Anakin says, and only then swallows the mouthful of chips. That boy. “You said he was the name on the Kamino project contract, right? According to Fett?”

“Whose word we can’t really trust,” Obi-Wan points out. He glances at Rex and Cody. “Unless you have other information?”

They both shake their heads. “Financial espionage wasn’t ever on our list of duties,” Rex says, almost apologetic.

“Then we’re down to Maul and the hint that Dooku provided when I met him on Geonosis, which might well have been a lie in the first place,” Obi-Wan says, “so really, we’re down to Maul.”

“What lie, Master?” Ahsoka asks.

“He claimed that his master, that a Sith was in the Senate,” Obi-Wan tells her. “We, that is, the Council, tried to follow up on it, just in case, but the war took up too much time and we couldn’t find anything. The Chancellor had us call off the investigation after a few months. Unless we had new information come in, we were to focus on the war effort instead of the wild nuna chase that Dooku had sent us on.”

Anakin’s making a face. Obi-Wan tenses, ready for some comment or other about the Chancellor, but his padawan just heaves a heavy sigh. “So our only option is to either find Maul or wait for Dooku to get tapped?”

“No way to draw them out?” Cody asks. “Perhaps someone at the temple might have a plan.”

It’s true, but Obi-Wan’s gut lurches at the idea of going to the Temple. It’s like a hook through his abdomen, not truly painful, but… awfully discomforting.

Anakin and Ahsoka look just as sick as he does.

“…sir?” Cody prompts, hesitant in the way he usually isn’t. “Is there a problem with the Temple?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says. “I don’t know what, but… yes.”

“The Force is more insistent on that than most things,” Anakin says, grimacing. “Ugh. I’m going to be sick.”

(Continue on AO3)

[phoenixyfriend]

My titles are generally either very to-the-point descriptive... or a pun/reference. On occasion a quote, but...

If it's not a direct quote or a 'what it says on the tin' description, it's probably a pun or a reference.