Fake Webmasters: Burt Tabernacle
The strangest thing I’ve ever had to do for a job? Invent an enormous number of non-existent webmasters of fake blogs, and write up their life stories. Here is another of my favorites:
Legend tells of a man centuries ago who mastered the art of toothbrushing to a perfection never seen before or since. It is said that he had developed an ability to sense the exact optimal strokes required to eliminate one hundred percent of the harmful bacteria in the mouth but preserve the well-being of positive, necessary bacteria. It was not a memorized pattern but rather a skilled improvisation based on some uncannily complex feedback system he'd developed between his mouth and his brain. Grown men who'd crossed sea and land, seen ferocious battles, and touched the face of God wept upon viewing the beauty of the man's perfect teeth. The only physical evidence that remains to corroborate this tale is a molding of his bite created for a famous Florentine dentist's cabinet of curiosities. Some scholars speculate that the molding is a counterfeit, arguing that nothing that beautiful and perfect could ever be real.
If you find this tale as touching as I do, then I have heartening news – effective (and even artistic) toothbrushing is well within your grasp. I, Burt Tabernacle, have authored this blog with loving precision to help people learn the best way to care for their “enamel enablers.” Come, hold my hand and I will take you on a magical journey through a land of blinding white, where cavities and caries are a thing of the past.