I used to think I was a system of some sort, but I went into denial and it cut off my communication with the alters. I thought I was faking for a while, but after a bit of processing everything there's just other things that are hard for me to deny. I met the first alter in the psych ward when I was 12-13, she kept me safe in there. There's others but I feel nervous getting into more detail. I just dont know what to do? I see syscourse everywhere and it sends me into a denial and self hate spiral, so i'm starting to look into the endogenic community to try and find some closure. What can I do to really know?
Hello anon, Most systems will find themselves torn between the divisions currently established in the Plural Community. Here is the thing though: These divisions are Recent. They come on the wings of the rising pressure within our social climate to Always Know What is Right and Never Be Wrong, Especially about ones own identity. Which, by the way is an impossible standard to set for anyone. Nobody is perfect, everyone goes through rotations of knowing and not knowing. Identity is so nebulous, especially when it comes to Plurality. Hardly anything is a Fixed Point that will Never Change. It’s becoming quite suffocating out there, isn’t it? Everyone demands that everyone else both know and offer up that precious information. To us, we find this to be quite an interesting shift from the older days of the Plural Community when most of these terms did not exist. Don’t get us wrong, these terms are absolutely invaluable and hold a great deal of meaning to the community. The problem isn’t the words, it’s the way they’re used. The conditioned response that many have is a to try to push everyone (including themselves) into cramped but “palatable” boxes. This is not the way we should be treating one another, or ourselves. We wish that there was more ability for Plurals to Just Be. Instead of practically forcing each other to categorize ourselves into boxes that were meant to be willfully chosen self-identifiers but have now become peer-pressured mandatory stamps that convey who’s clique you’re allowed in. We find that placing a definition on something can be limiting, just as it can be also be liberating. Definitions are generalizations, language is fluid, research is ever-evolving. Experiences are unique. Do not allow yourself to be washed out. Your experience is yours. On another note, we must remind you that Faking is something that is Consciously and Willfully Pre-meditated upon. It cannot be done by accident, and it cannot be done without the decision to do so. If you did not consciously and purposefully decide to pretend to have plural traits, then you are not faking it. Generally speaking, the fear that you may be faking is, ironically, proof that you are genuinely experiencing something. The thought process that one is faking a disorder they actually experience may be tied to having been Gaslit in the past, an experience that I would argue a large portion of the Plural Community struggles with. You are not alone. Call yourself whatever you please, you do not have to conform. - Mod Contagion