plural help blog

for every type of plural! 📬 [ Inbox: closed | 31 unanswered ]

[plurals-helping-plurals]

welcome!! this blog is run by a group of systems of various origins who accept all types of plural people! there will be no anti endos allowed here!

the purpose of this is to get help to other systems who need it. wether it be advice, a safe place to vent, or promotions for donating, everyone is welcome to come here! heres a link to our discord server!

information about the mods under the cut!

Mod saltwater - the saltwater seastem! we’re the owner of this blog and use it/sea/he/🌊/they in order from most liked to least liked!!

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Mod Quinns - Quinns/The Indigo Orrery, of @what-remains-of-wren. Quinns is a collective name but we'll sign off with individual names where known.

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Mod Bank - Bank of Souls System ( @the-grimmly-bank ), our collective name is Bank! We will always sign off as Bank, but we will be putting the person's initial in brackets afterwards to signify who it is. Refer to us as bank or the initial! Collective pronouns are it/its, xe/xem and ze/hir

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Mod Xenodelic - The Xenodelic Effect (@xenodelic). Collective pronouns are It/Its and He/Him. Individual members may or may not sign off our posts as well, with the format of [Member] | Mod Xenodelic

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Mod Apocalypse | Event of Horizon  — ( @polymorphology ) 

Pronouns: it/gore + more

[solarwindsempire]

Common Plural Documentation Tools + Where to Find Them

Pluralkit - A discord bot used so that members can proxy as themselves within discord servers. There's a website located at dash.pluralkit.me that makes inputting information doable with limited commands.

Tupperbox - Another discord bot. While not exclusively used for plurality, it is still very useful to systems.

SimplyPlural - An app used for documenting members, front, etc. you can add friends, do system-wide polls, and much more. This can link to Pluralkit as well! There is a website version at app.apparyllis.com

Mindly - An app that lets you document pretty much anything. We, personally, have seen it used for documenting innerworlds and subsystems.

[plurals-helping-plurals]

Jeez with how often we send asks here we should have our own sign-off /j /lh

Okay so we've asked about how to be more separate before; good news! We figured out the root of our issue, and it's that we don't allow ourselves to be due to our mask (and probably a bit of trauma)

Do you have any tips on letting ourselves be more separate? We have a partner system, but feel horrid whenever someone fronts who doesn't know them well- so they end up masking and we essentially pretend to have more feelings and comfort levels shared than we do

We know it's an issue, but we need to work on this on our own before bringing it up to them- or at least have a plan, any tips?

Like uhh, our current plan is to find an active plural discord server (that our current friends aren't in, because if we see them we'll just revert to our masking) to test the waters of being ourselves (so-to-speak)

We talk about discord here all the time, but with the introduction of accessibility tools like pluralkit we cannot recommend plural servers enough to systems who are trying to discover their individualities. 

This is an excellent plan, and we hope it helps you all with becoming your true authentic un-masked selves, so that you can take all of that loveliness back to your friends and others for the healing power of unconditional love.  Just remember, that if people close to you who accept your masked versions, dislike or complain about your individuality: tell them we told them to go fuck themselves.  The people who love and support you will be there no matter what, and if someone has a problem with the way you guys’ exist without masking, then its your right to tell that person to kick rocks.  - Mod Contagion | Event of Horizon  @polymorphology

[plurals-helping-plurals]

hello! I'm the host of a monocon/median system. I've been frontstuck for god knows how long, and I'm just really tired. I can't access headspace because it feels like there's something or someone blocking me from it, our overall system communication is non existent because we're silent practically all the time, and I just wish somebody else would take over for once.

I've tried front triggering, but we can never fully switch. We've heard voices before but we're starting to doubt if it's actually a headmate because we found out a few months ago we inherited some kind of auditory hallucinations due to schizophrenia passed on to us by our mother, and we often hear voices at night, so we're starting to doubt our overall plurality.

just.. any tips on communication? sorry this is so long, it's really late.

We would first like to state that schizo-spectrum symptoms or disorders are not incompatible with plurality, they can and do overlap, in cases where people are on the schizo-spectrum and experience plurality. 

Some people experience plurality (more than one person in their head) as a symptom of psychosis, their headmates are re-occuring hallucinations which may or may not have an internal headspace and may not have much ability to communicate with one another. 

It has only been in recent years that schizo-spectrum and psychotic individuals have been included in discussions of plurality, and we welcome this with open arms. Boldly speaking, the experiences of all forms of plurality are similar regardless of the cause. Someone with hallucination-based headmates is experiencing just as equal a plural phenomenon as Our system who was clinically diagnosed with D.I.D, and we will die on that hill. 

We would rather have everyone who experiences “more than one person in a body” no matter the “reason” be equally supported and listened to, because our ableist society will simply eat the “non-protected” up like wolves. 

This happens with a lot of minority groups, Gatekeeping leads to the vulnerable getting hurt. 

Plurality itself comes with a certain layer of external or internal auditory stimuli for some, called Imposition, and regardless of you inheriting or not inheriting schizo-spec symptoms from your mother, you can still very much be plural. 

It is possible that the on-set of your schizo-spec symptoms may be affecting your plurality in some manner. It is, as of currently, unknown exactly how a schizo-spectrum disorder might affect plurality, but from what we know of psychosis we can discern that the symptomology would exacerbate difficulties with plurality. 

In particular, Disorganized Thought can certainly affect ones ability to switch or become front-stuck as the result of racing dis-jointed thoughts which are unable to be communicated with due to their nature of being hard to catch up with. 

It is likely a good idea to speak with a psychiatric professional going forward, as they will be able to monitor your symptoms and help you find treatment that may enable you to have better communication if the underlying symptoms of schizophrenia are what is interfering. 

Outside of psychiatric treatment, it is likely best to keep some form of private discord server or journal for yourselves to write in. Other tips would be to do exactly as you have been and continue to encourage other system members to front or speak with you. 

We wish you the best of luck, and if you have further questions feel free to contact us. 

- Mod Contagion | Event of Horizon

@polymorphology

[plurals-helping-plurals]

Having a bit of an identity crisis. We only recently learned about median systems and it’s all a lot! For a while we’ve been saying “it’s almost like DID, but not like that!” Only to realize it is like that. It’s been a few months of finally getting to know each other, but it’s confusing because we all have the same memories. It’s like we’re different versions of the same person, not different people?? Is it normal to get confused even in ourselves? Sometimes I don’t know who’s talking or even if it’s me. Any info helps! (Sorry that was long!)

Yes, this is very common for systems of all kinds, really.  Even systems who are more distinct and do not share memories can sometimes become what is known as “blurred”. 

Blurriness/Blending is essentially: an overlapping of consciousness’ where the “channels” that access the Front are being flooded with everyone’s mixed feelings and thoughts to the point that an individual fronter cannot be identified. This can cause identity confusion, psychological disturbance, and stunted growth of identity. 

Here are some Tips & Tricks for Blurriness.  The other candidate of what can occur in these instances (but can happen when un-blurred as well) is called Passive Influence.  This is when one or more system member is passively influencing another system member to feel their feelings or participate in an activity/hobby/belief that the fronter may not hold themselves but the passive influencer does. Passive Influence can be done on purpose or just by the simple permeation of sharing a body (accidental). In these situations it is often good to ask if anyone is feeling left out, or like there is something they need to do/say in order to release their projections of thought/wants over the Front-hold. 

Hope this was helpful! - Mod Contagion | Event of Horizon @polymorphology

[plurals-helping-plurals]

do you have any advice on how to help alters find their own interests? we have "systemwide" interests like browsing tumblr or reading fanfiction, but when individual alters front, they nearly always get blurry when they do those- and we know a lot of our alters don't really like doing the things anyways, but that leaves them with very few things to do. we get understimulated really easily, so we can't just sit around doing nothing, but we're also having a hard time figuring out what else we can really do... especially for littles

This is another situation where picking up on finer details and really listening to y’alls emotions and each other will come in handy. 

Keep track of what sparks joy in y’alls lives. Do some of you like yellow and some of you like purple? Do any of you tap your feet to a certain genre of music but not another type? Does the sound of the ocean bring some of you peace and others discomfort? Are some of you interested in a new TV show and others aren’t? These little things all add up together and allow for pathways to move towards forming fulfilling hobbies. 

Maybe some of you like art, and others like gardening. Really it’s just a matter of trial and error until those happy chemicals get sparked and someone goes: “Oh, this is for me!”

[plurals-helping-plurals]

How do you know if you have a nonhuman alter? Especially if it's hard to find the difference between alters or other alters don't really front?

It depends, usually its in the micro details if communication is scarce, fronting is rare for them, and distinction is low.  Are there any extra happy chemicals getting released when a particular nonhuman species is on-screen during movies or tv shows? Do extra happy chemicals get released when you’re in certain climates/habitats?  Do those happy feelings also feel a bit undomesticated, or are they more docile? Do those happy feelings go away when reminders of being human arrive? It’s all in the finer details, its time to become a detective 🔎

[plurals-helping-plurals]

I'm so sorry this is so long but I've been venting about stuff to some people I trust, a lot of them being systems, and like everyone said that I sounded like one. I've been working on researching and trying to figure out if I am or not and I'm.. confused...

Most of my life, I feel like I don't know who I am. I use multiple names but, I don't know how to explain it besides each name feels like a different person. I feel like I'm a stranger in my own body a lot and there's times where I feel like I'm viewing my life through a camera len. My memory is the same way, but more like I'm viewing someone else's life. Sometimes I do something I call "autopilot" where I zone out super hard and come back to doing something or having done something I have no memory of. It doesn't happen often and I've always attributed it to my adhd but I've been told it might be something different... I also sometimes get thoughts that aren't mine. They sound like my voice, save for maybe one voice, but the thoughts are very much not mine. Similar things happen with my emotions, where They're Not Mine™.

I'm otherkin but.. it's hard to explain, a lot of my identities feels like they're seperate from me, unless I'm experiencing a kin shift. Like, when I'm not shifted, I'm me and the kintypes are them. Seperate. But when I'm experiencing a shift, we're one and the same.

I don't know what any of this means but The One Voice That's Not Mine™ has been adamantly opposing what others have been telling me and saying things like I'm making stuff up and seeing stuff where there is nothing and.. I can't really bring it up with my therapist? Because I already had to fight her about getting tested for autism the, like, five times I brought that up so I don't think she'll be too enthused about helping me with this....

I just don't know what to do and part of me is terrified that once I stop focusing on figuring this out, it'll all disappear, like how it feels with my bpd diagnosis. Especially since, if I am plural, there doesn't seem to be a big distinction between alters.

Do you have any advice or anything?

Keep in mind: We are not licensed professionals. From what you’re describing to us, it sounds as if you could be somewhere on the plural spectrum, but you will need to do some self-exploration to figure it out for certain or not. 

Dissociative symptoms are quite common among Autistic and ADHDavers, but it is not required for a diagnosis.  Autism and ADHD even have their own spot on the plural spectrum (autigenic / davegenic). There are also non-dissociative autigenic/davegenic systems as well. So, it will be your job to sort that out for yourself if you choose to explore this avenue of yourself. 

I would say that there is no harm in testing out the waters of your plurality by trying to engage more with the Others™

But don’t get too wrapped up in labels or diagnoses, as you go along on this journey of self-exploration. Do your research, and do your best to focus on just experiencing and being. 👌 - Mod Apocalypse

[plurals-helping-plurals]

any tips for trying to figure out if two alters who you thought were seperate might be one alyer, or two alters that are part of a subsys? one (lets call him j) keeps answering for the other (lets call her c) without thinking. j doesnt do this for anyone else, and no one else does this for c. they have two different accents in headspace, and sometimes c takes j's accent for a sentence or two, but we cant tell if thats just j 'talking for him'. mostly when c takes j's accent, its for something that j would say in his native language in source (hes a fictive) which we only know a few words of. this has been happening as long as weve been aware of c, who we discovered after j. any tips/ideas? sorry if this is worded weird idk how to explain it.

tldr: we think two alters might actually be one alter?? or be in a subsys together and dont know how to tell

Everyone’s experiences are different of course and we are not professionals, but with our personal experiences in mind, we think any of the following could be the case: 

C & J are Median

C & J are a sub-system of two 

C & J are two halves of one (split from one another)

C & J are Dualters

Hope this was helpful in some way, If you have any further questions feel free to ask again 👍

[plurals-helping-plurals]

is there a term that describes a headmate that holds onto anger or possibly even formed from experiencing anger? would that technically be a symptom holder if that anger is also connected to/caused by our neurodiversity?

Avenger 

Symptom Holder (Anger Holder) would also be applicable. 👍

[plurals-helping-plurals]

I'm getting so sick of the people we're out to as a system still only calling all of us by our singletsona name. I just want them to call me by my own name, otherwise it feels invalidating honestly. But also I have no idea how to put up boundaries or how to tell them how I feel, so do you have any advice?

The tough issue here is working on valuing yourselves to the point of being able to communicate your boundaries and needs with confidence / or just putting effort towards advocating for yourselves in baby-steps, confidence can come along as you& grow.

Either way, growing and healing the self-esteem you’ll need to confront people with the raw power of your autonomy, in the face of all the counterproductive societal conditioning everyone grows up with, will be greatly beneficial for you&.   

It is a revolutionary act in our society to advocate with 100% honesty what it is that you need and want from those around you. Most are conditioned to think that this form of communication is rude or “pushy”, in truth it is just direct. 

It is an open invitation for connection, cooperation, collaboration, and compromise.

Some people will never “get” the whole plural thing, but they don’t have to get it to accept your invitation to connect with you on a more authentic level (respecting your boundaries). If they do choose to disrespect your boundaries, then it will be up to you to evaluate that relationship’s worth and choose for yourselves whether or not those people are good company to keep. 

I would recommend writing up a script of what you would like to say to your friends, ex: “hello friends, as you all know there are multiple people inside of this body and recently we have felt like nobody has acknowledged us with our individual names. We would like if you would all begin to use our individual names if/when we are interacting with you...etc” In addition to that, it would be great to do some self-affirmations for you all to encourage your ability to state your boundaries without the shadow of avoidance looming in the background. 

Practice makes perfect, so learn to identify your& boundaries and communicate them with those around you.  You can also practice with recitation of scripts you or someone else has written.  Or you could even make an original character and write them having to advocate for their boundaries with another character. 

The possibilities are endless when it comes to self-expansion, so feel free to try new things and build your own adventure. Just remember: be honest with yourselves and with others. 

-Mod Apocalypse 

[plurals-helping-plurals]

Have you got any resources or advice or anything, really, on how to build up a headspace? We don't have one and we're tired of just having nothing. We want somewhere to be when we're not fronting. We want to be able to communicate internally. We're frustrated! Thank you for any help you can give <3

Hi there! Tulpamancy/Paromancy resources are a godsend for building headspaces, as they’re designed for people with zero prior ability to dissociate or visualise. I’d suggest reading up on wonderlands and trying those techniques. Keep trying, a headspace won’t neccesarily stick first time. It might take a long while to appear to stay put.

[thatoneweirdhumanisback]

@sophieinwonderland has a whole wonderland masterlist linked in her pinned iwrc, if that's helpful!

[plurals-helping-plurals]

There's been a few reblogs reccomending this person's resources, so I'm putting this up on the blog so people will be able to find then easier. Thank you to everyone suggesting them!

[plurals-helping-plurals]

Is it possible to communicate with a dormant alter if you are outside of their system? If so, how?

Hi there- this is something you need to negotiate with the system who houses a dormant alter. Chances are that the dormant alter gets at least some of what's going on at the front sometimes, but honestly it varies. Ask the system with the dormant alter and try to work something out with them and their cpnsent.

[plurals-helping-plurals]

Have you got any resources or advice or anything, really, on how to build up a headspace? We don't have one and we're tired of just having nothing. We want somewhere to be when we're not fronting. We want to be able to communicate internally. We're frustrated! Thank you for any help you can give <3

Hi there! Tulpamancy/Paromancy resources are a godsend for building headspaces, as they’re designed for people with zero prior ability to dissociate or visualise. I’d suggest reading up on wonderlands and trying those techniques. Keep trying, a headspace won’t neccesarily stick first time. It might take a long while to appear to stay put.

[plurals-helping-plurals]

ok so i have two questions ^^ 1. i'm not sure if any of the mods for this page will be able to answer, but if any of y'all experience hallucinations of any sort, how can you tell the difference between a hallucination and a headmate? i'm worried i'm mistaking hallucinations for plurality. 2. any general advice for a system who has gone completely silent? my headmates weren't all that active before, but its been a few weeks now with complete silence and i'm worried.

Hi there! For us, hallucinations seem “more real” and clearer than a headmate talking. A headmate talking also seems to be from inside the head, rather than outside. It can be hard when system members go missing. I’ve made a post on that here- hopefully it’s useful.

[plurals-helping-plurals]

how can we calm an enraged persecutor down?

we have a persecutor alter who is normally alright but if someone aggravates them then she would get full on violent and manipulative. we have instructed her to limit her time on social media, and the caretaker alter soothes her to sleep when he has free time.

it’s quite important that people don’t, like, try to anger us because the persecutor might see it and worsen the situation. by might i mean 99% of the time because she’s extremely nosy.

Hi there, anon. DBT techniques were very handy for managing anger for us- perhaps they're worth looking into? It sounds like she is protecting your system in a maladaptive way- she's trying to keep you safe. Reassure her that you are, and an argument won't escalate to harm.

[plurals-helping-plurals]

sorry, but i am a singlet

my system friend was feeling really shitty yesterday and i asked the person in front if they wanted to switch out—they said yes but that they didnt know how.

i offered to use positive triggers to try and coax someone else to the front, and they told me to do it—i know i shouldn’t have

in any case, it worked, i applogised to the new fronter, and have apologised again to the whole system today—i shouldn’t have done that without permission from the alter in question

i just—needed to get that off my chest. i’m really scared that they won’t trust me anymore, which would be fair, and i shouldn’t make this about myself, but whenever i think about it i want to throw up

how do i make it up to them? is there anything i can do?

(im always scared that these asks won’t be set as an anon, so if it does have my user, please don’t include that when you answer—if you do answer)

It's okay, anon. It sounds like you're a great friend. If your friend gave you permission but the alter in question didn't, that's a communication failure on their side, not yours. If you've talked to the alter you offended and you've apologised, which you have, don't sweat it too much. You've tried your best and made an honest mistake and that's okay! Everyone's made mistakes.