#falcon banner

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did anyone ask for podcast glitter? no? too bad

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Gay clones in podcasts: a comprehensive list

Isabelle Lovelace

David 7

The entire main cast of the orphans season one

Matt Elias

not!sasha

feel free to add on

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legitimately everything i learn about falcon banner is so bizarre. the author disappeared off the face of the earth in 2017 and lives in my dads hometown. the voice actor for darien voiced an iphone in a 2010 podcast that’s like good omens but horny and also batman in a batman fan podcast. the voice actor for elias was on handy manny.

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straight friend groups are like: *blonde girl* *blonde guy* *chad* *the prankster* *kyle* *brunette girl* *blonde girl*

gay friend groups are like: *resistance leader* *clone* *lesbian* *pilot* *badger* *pilot* *capitalist* *assassain* *part dog doctor* *italian*

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falcon banner is a bad series and i can’t believe i read it, or “this series is so bizarre and everything i say about it seems made up”

in the beginning of book one we meet matt elias who is an engineer. out of pure coincidence, he also happens to be the clone reincarnation of a dead prince from the old space empire. later he straight up becomes a god

-the doctor in the main cast is cornelius kyr. he’s in his twenties but looks like a teenager with pointy teeth because he’s part of an alien race of humans who’ve had their dna mixed with canine dna. he also hunts and eats raw lizards and is canonically saving himself until marriage

the Evil Wizard Capitalist character mentions that his company bought mcdonald’s at some point, and had nothing to do with all the cloned clowns(???), so naturally he put them in hamburgers. this takes place in the best exchange in the best exchange in the series:

one of the main characters mixes scrambled eggs into his oatmeal. this is never brought up again

going back to clowns, there is a 15 minute episode of the podcast in support of the charity comic relief. instead of doing an out of character ep with the creators talking about the charity, they made a whole canon episode where the main character spends half the episode refusing to give to charity and the rest of the cast is dressed as clowns. it is also implied that the main character does not know what a clown is

he also doesn’t know what a dork is

it has a spinoff podcast that only has two episodes and wasn’t written by the original writer. it is awful and there are more kissing noises in it than all ten episodes of the actual podcast

one character is legitimately called major marty mayfair. he’s a brit and i hate him

the warlord who betrayed the old empire hundreds of years ago is resurrected as a clone of his grandson edward but like as a teenager. edward is also the dead prince who elias was a clone of, leading there to be at least three characters in canon with the same face

there’s a chance the author might be fuckin dead lol he hasn’t been active online since 2017

tldr it’s legitimately bad but i love these stupid stupid books

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not to combine hyperfixations but the parallels of stoner elias tma being taken over by Jonah magnus and stoner elias falconbanner losing his memories and becoming edward and the immortal emperor

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Justin’s graduation pc🤝shale falconbanner

big nonhuman lads of few words whom I love that i think would make me cry instantly if they ever hugged me

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i know absolutely nothing about tarot and also art but also i want to do falcon banner major arcana