it's hard getting over something you had no control over.
I love a great friend of mine about four years ago. Not from death, but because of a grudge. I don't know what that grudge was ever about, and when I tried to find out, the girl had no idea what it was anymore.
It had been so long ago (it was about two years into it that I confronted her and asked) that she had forgotten what started it.
And not knowing what started it made it difficult to try and resolve it. But even trying to resolve it wouldn't set things like they were.
I feel great pain over the loss of her friendship. We went through a lot with each other. The loss of her father, a break up with her long-term boyfriend... the time she was there when I had a falling-out with another close friend. She's the reason (to this day) that I don't hurt myself anymore.
I still remember the night I told her I'd stop, and the tears and hugs and the confessions we'd made. We'd been friends for so long before we fell apart. When she moved across the country we wrote letters to each other and we had a tearful reunion that is still in my top ten moments in life.
Seeing her still great friends with my old friends is a hard thing... and I try to not regret anything... but I think I'm starting to regret something I didn't have control over...
