#fancymilkrambles

[abolda]

This website has been open on my computer for a couple days.

And now I'm just in bed with my sketchbook and coffee and Jeff Buckley (lol I wish I were in bed with Jeff Buckley what) and this is how most of my break is going to be because all my friends with vehicles are busy in other countries and I am here. But that's okay, I'll be productive. c:

[abolda]

When you're in bed about to go to sleep and suddenly realize the piece you wrote turned into creative writing was a total rip off of a popular song you haven't listened to in months. Then all you can do is make soft whale noises into your pillow as you remember and relive every other mistake of your day and never sleep again. God, I love my brain. 

[abolda]

My name is Lana Del Ratchet and I take offense to being called by anything else. This has been a PSA.

[abolda]

wooo my essay for creative writing suuuuucks!

[abolda]

okay sorry don't read this I just want to get the last of these feels out and I really don't wanna bother my friends with it, seeing as how it's not even a real issue. 

Okay I've already written and talked about this with my friends but I wanna get the last of it out.

It's just. The guy I liked and I was talking to met me and my friends at a thing like last week, and I just basically got instantly dropped for one of my best friends. Like, he saw him and basically forgot I existed. And, obviously that hurt, but I 'm not even concerned with the fact that they are now talking. I mean I'm not upset over the boy at all, what really upset me was the fact that I was dropped so quickly. stupid, over-dramatic part: I have always had this particular feeling that I always get picked second. I've just never ever been first at anything because there's always been someone miles better than me even at what I do best. And just having this really sweet guy throw me aside because he saw one of my best friends and now THEY'RE talking, just really... gah, the situation just triggered those insecurities again. I'm not really upset about it, I guess. If they like each other that's fine. I just kinda felt like I might be the first choice and it turned out i obviously wasn't.

I know to a degree, that's a thing everyone deals with and I'm not trying to say I'm worse off or I hurt more or anything stupid like that. Of all the tons and tons of insecurities I used to have, this is the main one that I've never shaken, and it still really really gets to me sometimes. 

I love all of my friends. They're all so amazingly talented, and I want each one of them to be happy. And there's no reason for me to wish anything less for that boy. I guess it's good that I'm not angry at anyone or blaming people for my problems, but that just leaves me to be kinda angry at myself. You know, the "why aren't you like everyone else?" and "why aren't you good enough?" questions inevitably pop up. 

So that's just what's on my mind. I hope no one sat through reading this and if you did, I'm sorry and you're totally groovy. Other than this little frustration, I'm doing amazingly great and my art is in a place I really like and so is my writing. I won an essay contest and met the author of Cane River today, which was super cool. She's really nice and she ready my story. k that's all.

[abolda]

So I have this moral issue

with clip-on Bowties. Or clip-on any ties. It just.... I dont know why but it drives me mad. I feel like if you're gunna wear a tie, you should know how to tie it. It's a personal problem. 

[abolda]

AAAAHH okay sorry I just looked through the pictures and they're so great and Ridley and Sam are at all times perfect and the like 2 or 3 I'm in we look like a happy family and they both look great and the clothes are great and the poses are great and I'm really really excited omg

Also, STAVELY! sorry if we seemed rude when we saw you! We were all happy to see you but we were also really hot and tired. And we need to do something soon!

[abolda]

stupid pop rant, nothing to see here. 

I understand Madonna being shady. I live for divas throwing shade at one another, especially when their career goes downhill (let's be real, MDNA is the worst album she's ever put out.). I just CANNOT deal with fans on the internet CONSTANTLY trashing one another. Is it seriously that hard to just appreciate the music and if you don't, then (in the words of Grace Jones) "Shut the f**k up. Or leave." That goes for Little Monsters too.

I mean, Madonna didn't even have to be shady in the first place. She could have been mature about it and befriended or AT LEAST been nice to Gaga. This is a new, talented artist who's only just started her career and looks up to her. And when a star is immature about something, it makes sense that a lot of fans are going to mimic that mindset. 

And don't even try to feed me that shit about "Gaga's a copy cat wah wah wah" Oh please, as if Madonna was the first one to wear a bra on stage and put out a message of self-love. In the world of pop music, some styles and themes are GOING to overlap. And I LOVE Madonna, I don't mean to make it look like she's this terrible devil creature and all Madonna fans are awful. I just think she acts very immature and disrespectful about Gaga.

I know it's the internet, but these kinds of fan-wars just annoy the hell out of me. Of course it's not ALL the fans, it's just some of them. The one's who act like anyone who isn't the artist they love most is trash.