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Fandom FMK: Hoggle, Sir Didymus, Ludo
Slow burn: Hoggle, assuming I am also a goblinoid. It’s probably a tale told over the corpses of dead fairies while we wage war against the Labyrinth’s continuous pest problem.
Fake date: Ludo, because at some point I need a scary looking boyfriend and he volunteers to be my stand in.
Enemies to Lovers: Sir Didymus and I do not get off on the best foot when i circumvent his bridge by flying over it on my raven steed...
Well if you're ruminating on Faith, which of the three would she fit?
SLOW BURN - like it wouldn’t even be an enemies thing, there would be no chance for that, I would be so immediately tongue tied with attraction that I wouldn’t even be able to contemplate enmity and THEN when I saw her FIGHT I would be all *swoon* and *faint* like an anemic gothic heroine. If she asked me to fake date I would immediately be like “I cannot” and she’d be like “what why” and I would be excruciatingly honest with her that being so close and yet so far would legit kill me but if she ever wants someone to hold her hand (or her weapons bag) I would be 110% on board and she’d probably be a little weirded out and confused but I would go out of my way to be as inoffensive and not creepy as possible just like, hey if you ever want company or think you might be interested, I would totally be open to dating the shit out of you. Like I cannot Do Casual but if you ever think you might want a steady I would be SO STEADY, THE STEADIEST.
Ooh! Slow burn / fake date / enemies to lovers : Angel, Spike, Buffy?
Shit. (Why couldn’t you have asked about FAITH?!)
Slow burn: Buffy, I imagine most of it would be overcoming her presumed heterosexuality while I tried to figure out whether we had matching baggage.
Fake date: Angel, genuinely do not think I could trust him? Like this would be the slowest and most suspicious courtship. But fake dating I could handle for a short time period. It would probably be awkward as all hell though.
Enemies to Lovers: Spike, because let’s face it he does tend to end up falling for anyone he invests any level of passion in. We probably start out as library rivals because we have the same taste in shitty vampire romance novels but I always get the books before he does and then we inevitably discuss them. Eventually he invites me to be a participant in a shitty vampire romance and I blow him off thinking he’s kidding. He’s really, really not.
Slow burn/fake date/enemies to lovers: Thor, Heimdall, and Loki because apparently I'm on a roll with immortals? lol
You know what the world needs? An Asgardian pin-up calendar. I have spoken this truth to the world, now somebody make it HAPPEN!
Slow burn: Heimdall, because he probably takes EVERYTHING slowly and I don’t necessarily mean that in a sexual sense but I don’t necessarily not mean it in a sexual sense either. He just doesn’t seem the sort to rake sudden impulsive action. All of his choices seem to be considered and well thought out.
Fake date: Thor, and I imagine it starts as Tony (matchmaking) asking me to accompany Thor to events and keep an eye on him/keep the crazies away. Thor very quickly figures out what’s going on but has literally no problem taking this super slow until I catch on and then he probably stealth dates me with all the strategy and political deftness at his disposal until we’re like three months deep into an actual relationship before I realize what’s happening. Natasha is probably the one to clue me in because I am OBLIVIOUS.
Enemies to Lovers: Loki, and this is one where I am comfortable thinking we’re like legit ACTUAL enemies. Maybe I’m a SHIELD flunky he mindwipes in New York or maybe I’m just an Average Citizen who didn’t appreciate seeing their favorite donut shop obliterated by giant alien worm thing. Either way I Do Not Approve of Loki’s admittance to the city of New York and write many scathing editorials on it on my blog/YouTube channel. We meet in the comments section on one of my articles.
AND PART 3 (Hobbit!dwarfs edition) Fili, Kiki, Thorin???
UNF.
DURINS.
HAVE MERCY.
Slow burn: Thorin, like quest long slow burn, of the We Are BOTH Oblivious Even Though Everyone Else Can See It sense. Picture two tsunderes in mutual crush and you have basically what I am picturing.
Fake date: Kili, because I am helping him sneak around to meet with Tauriel and he needs a beard (in more than one sense) in order to meet with his lovely elven lass. (And also I am probably Wildly In Love With Fili but refuse to admit it and this is Kili’s way of low key throwing us together.)
Enemies to Lovers: Fili, but unless I am theoretically an elf then we are probably enemies over something stupid. UNLESS, alternately I am a Woman of Dale who cannot forgive the dwarven recklessness that led to the loss of my home. In which case I am probably like the most icy and aggressively Polite Whilst Also Unhelpful that I can possibly be until we have it out and come to some sort of understanding. Then it’s slow burn all the way. Durins really stoke those forges, if you know what I mean. *winkwink*
LotR fandom fmk part 2: Sam, Merry, Pippin!?
TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGAR-GAR-GARD!
Slow burn: Merry, complete with smoldering looks and accidental hands brushing rife with sensual tension. Probably a lot of uncomfortably sexual garden metaphors. Sam can’t look either of us in the eyes for WEEKS.
Fake date: Sam, and it starts as just “please keep me company at YET ANOTHER GODDAMN WEDDING” but then one or both of us Catch Feelings and then it’s mutual pining until I husband him so hard.
Enemies to Lovers: Pippin, but I’m picturing that we’re like childhood enemies because he keeps pranking my dad (I am Farmer Maggot’s oldest daughter in this scenario) but when he comes back from the Quest all matured I am Reluctantly Impressed and then we start talking and become buds. AND THEN I ask him to help me figure out who the New Person stealing dad’s crops is and there is a stake out in the fields, under the stars...
slow burn/fake date/enemies to lovers: The Warden, Dr. Bey (Evie's boss), Winston
The Mummy: Dirty Old Man Edition
You...you are testing me.
Slow burn: Winston, and it would be ADORABLE. Honestly picturing a very Knight/Lady romance because he seems the type. Courtly love and all that.
Fake date: the Warden, and it would STAY fake.
Enemies to Lovers: Dr. Bey, and we’d start as academic rivals who eventually develop some fondness for each other. Much library banter.
slow burn/fake date/enemies to lovers for the Americans in the Mummy: Mr. Henderson, Mr. Daniels, Mr. Burns
Except I legit cannot remember which is which? I remember one had long blond hair and one had glasses and one was the Ugly One.
Slow burn: Glasses! It’s probably an epistolary romance after we are introduced at a fancy party and then he sends me letters from around the world about his studies and digs.
Fake date: the Ugly One. Because I cannot remember a character trait he had beyond “lived the longest”.
Enemies to Lovers: long blond hair because we was so stereotypically “American” that I GUARANTEE we would start as enemies.
