Fantasy Grill! Prologue
"This a Universe of Gods, Magic, and Fast Food!
It is a world of beautiful forests, horrendous pits of despair, and volcanoes that make great BBQ grills!
Fantastic food is sometimes hard to come by. So settle for just plain good food and head on down to the the Pantheon Grill! Good food for no matter who or what you happen to be! We cater to Gods! Time Lords! Horrendous abominations that distort time and physics! If you have taste buds we can accommodate! And if you don't, that's not a problem either! Believe us, we are fit to deal with the complexity of your existence while serving you up a warm and delicious meal!"
That was what the ad said, but Neuth, the egyptian Goddess, found her meal quite lacking. Her star-grilled falafel in bun was quite tasteless and didn't have nearly enough sauce smothering it. She stared around the room the entrance portal had situated her in. It was a large dining room mimicking the dining halls of the skies above Egypt. An admiral attempt, but the room lacked many features that made that Egyptian sky truly a land worthy of deities. There was no black pool of endless nothingness that could randomly produce a planet for one thing. And she sat on a seat of wood and cloth as opposed to a throne of gold. That was fine, as Neuth was the sky Goddess who was rarely in a sitting position anyway (actually only the sky Goddess of one of the many Terraspheres, where earth resided). There were many familiar faces: Ammit, heart devouring God, sat with a plate filled with sauteed pig hearts. Hathor, The Goddess of Joy was enjoying her red beer and guinea pig (considered exotic for Gods). There was Osiris and Seth, sitting one table across from one another, a thick aura of brotherly hate between them as they sipped their beers. Other Gods Orisis recognized also sat down, enjoying their meals.
Neuth sighed. She was disappointing, but there was no point in complaining about a mortal run establishment. She had to go soon anyways. It would be night in Egypt (Earth 26, the earth of Egyptian Gods) and people were more likely to notice she was gone during the night. So much for enjoying a decent lunch break for lunch.
Suddenly, there was a roar and the spilling of food and plate. Neuth turned to see Ammit standing up with his seat toppled over and his plate and hearts spilled over the ground, oozing sauces.
"For wailing out loud, why do none of the hearts contain souls?" he shouted. The patrons of the restaurant stared incredulously. "These hearts taste absolutely empty!"
One of the waiters, a little human girl, approached the God. Neuth was astounded by the girl's bravery, or impertinence. Fearlessly, the girl said to the alligator god:
"What appears to be the matter?" she said.
"Are you a deaf girl? I said that there are no souls in these hearts for me to consume! I wish to speak to your manager!" said the God.
"Oh, our manager's a coward who hides in a magical bunker all day. I would be happy to bring your complaints to him," said the girl.
"Never mind him then; I wish to speak with the cooks who produced these hearts!"
Many of the other patrons were annoyed by Ammit's angry complaints and he could see that. Poor Hathor had took to cowering behind her seat. Ammit wished to express his complaint and then leave immediately.
The waitress went into the kitchens. She soon came out with a bold looking cook, a young mortal man in his twenties. Ammit sniffed the man. He was covered in foodstuffs.
"Only one cook produced my meal? You have meals for Gods produced by only one measly cook?" said the God.
"Yes sir," the cook said.
"This restaurant seems severely underfunded!" said Ammit.
"I'm sorry that you feel that way, sir. We cater to many gods at once and we have very few chefs to do so. We would like to have thousands of sacrfices to serve us in the kitchens if we could, I assure you," the man said.
All was silent. Neuth watched in fear. It was not everyday you saw a mortal show cheek to a God. Ammit merely growled. "Regardless, I dislike the hearts you've served me. Tell me, why do they not contain the souls?"
"Souls, sir?"
"Yes, souls. Hearts contain the souls of the mortal!"
The waitress whispered into the chef's ear: "Earth 26 hearts have souls inside of them."
"Ah," the chef said. "I'm sorry sir, we did not know. Had we known we would have filled the hearts with plasmic blend. It's what we use for souls since we believe it immoral to serve-"
Without warning Ammit raised his hand to swat the chef. Neuth cried out to stop him but was too late. Ammit's blow sent the chef flying towards a wall ten meters away. There were probably rules against abusing the staff, but what power did mortals rule have over Gods?
Astonishingly the man stood up. He turned around and revealed himself to be fine, bleeding from only his lower lip. Blood dripped down his face.
"If that will be all, sir, I'm needed in the kitchen," said the chef.
He turned to head for the washroom to wipe off the blood from his face. As far as complaints went, this one went pretty smoothly. At least he was still alive.
There was a scream. "Everyone, run!" somebody said. The chef turned around to see everyone, from God to waitress, fleeing the room. Hathor, who had previously been hiding behind a table in fright, was now approached the chef on all fours. She was growing a set of feline ears and a mane. Her eyes grew from brown to dark red. Her expression became more depraved with every awkward and epileptic step.
The chef wiped his face in horror. The scent of his blood had turned away Hathor, Goddess of joy, and summoned her other self.
Sekhmet the ravager was summoned.
The goddess pounced upon the chef and brutally maimed his mortal body with its claws. Then scooped its limp body up in its mouth and let the blood flow from it.
She swallowed the body gave a blood curling roar. She tackled the protective door, which gave in to her unholy might and began to prey on the unfortunate chefs who had not fled the kitchen on time.
From the dining room, amidst screams and roars and sounds of bodies being shredded apart, Neuth stood, stunned. She remained as she was the Goddess that Sekhmet could not touch. The dining room was a destroyed mess of a room, with food scattered everywhere.
Eventually the noise died down. Some Gods and waitresses and chefs from other branches entered the room. Osiris and Seth went into the kitchen and came out with a blood stained, crying Hathor. There was only one, horribly maimed survivor of the ravaging: a one legged cook.
Neuth stood watching the scene in stunned silence. She had seen violence of Gods upon mortals before, but this was different. These were simply cooks. Men and women who worked to serve and not to offend.
She silently and absent mindedly picked up a heart that was on the floor next to her and bit into it. It was delicious
End of Prologue